No shows

Had they RSVP’d yes and then not shown up or did they just never RSVP?

Hey Alana, how many people did you originally invite? I have the same question as Sarah. Did they rsvp yes and just not show up or did people simply ignore your invite altogether? Would love some more information

Asking the same questions as the above 2 ladies! Also, does that include your family as well? Or is this just outside guests?

Last we heard, you had been in an accident. And we're thinking if getting married just a couple weeks before this ceremony. ( We are both ex military ) Are you all right? Did people who heard you were getting legally married, in late November or in December think this ceremony was no longer happening, after responding to your initial invitation? I am so sorry, such a disappointment. After all your planning, and hopes, it is hard to have that happen. I hope you have recovered completely. And that you go on to have a very happy marriage. The most important part. And hope the ceremony you did have, and friends who shared it, did have special things you will remember.

And were thinking ( not we're thinking, damn autocorrect.) You two were thinking of marrying just a month or six weeks early , after he got home, before this scheduled wedding .

View Quoted Comment All RSVP'd yes and had double confirmed their attendance that week

We had originally invited 50 and were expecting maybe 30 on the day.

View Quoted Comment And most of them didn't know we were already married, and those who did were still there?

View Quoted Comment This just doesn’t make sense to me honestly. I’ve heard of people having no shows (we had 1), but never 60% of their anticipated guests. Did anyone reach out to you beforehand to let you know they weren’t coming?

View Quoted Comment No and when we texted them we had no response. Until the afternoon when they would say things like "sorry I had errands to run" or "couldn't drive in the snow" (the snow had melted by the time the wedding came around and there wasn't much to begin with) and some just straight up saying they "tried there best".


Most of them has nothing to say at all but the were majority military like is and know to keep time. And I've seen them drive through heaps of snow to get to work.

This is a bit confusing. I feel really sorry that this happened to you, but I'm thinking a few things:

1. I'm wondering if you gave your guests enough time to RSVP, as I did see your previous post about potentially getting married at the courthouse first and then having a celebration one or two months after. So I'm just thinking maybe you told your guests somewhat late?

2. Maybe, just maybe some guests unfortunately decided not to attend because you were already married? Perhaps they figured what was the point of attending? I know it's maybe a stretch but some folks would rather get dolled up and prepared knowing they're going to the actual wedding, not just a party where the couple is already married. Perhaps some may have felt slighted or less inclined to attend?

That is a huge decline rate so it must be something in regards to RSVP notice or the nature of your wedding day. I'm only giving suggestions. I do not know for sure of course. However, I'm really sorry about the disappointment but I truly hope you and your husband still had a lovely time with the guests that did attend

View Quoted Comment The guests were told months in advance. And as I said had RSVP'd yes and double confirmed their attendance that week. Some even that day had said things like "I'm on my way" and never showed up.


They also did not know we were already married, plus, had double confirmed their attendance that week. The ones who did know we were married were actually there.
Plus the decline rate didn't come from any in state or military members. It came from friends from far away states that it was simply to far to travel for. Like my family who couldn't come from England or his friends who are students like places like Cali and are already broke

That is an astonishingly high decline and no show rate. That must have been so disappointing!


Do you have any theories on what happened? Anything at all?
Hopefully you still enjoyed your celebration with those who came.

I agree with Sarah. This is very odd. We had zero no shows. I have heard of people have no shows, 1 or 2 at the most, but never this many. There has to be more to this. I don’t think the fact that you were already married makes a difference. I would still attend my friends wedding if they got married at the courthouse prior (in fact I have done that!).

When did you send out your invitations?

View Quoted Comment No, I haven't a clue. Especially as they were some of our closest friends. It was at the same town they all lived in, all military and know how to keep time.

View Quoted Comment

Ohh, I hear where you're coming from. That's kinda mean that some said they were on the way and never showed up. I would literally never talk to those people again. That's so messed up. I can't believe that you had such a high decline rate, and thank you so much for clarifying... maybe it's just one of those unfortunate situation where some just couldn't make the trip for various reasons, be it financial, travel involved etc, sadly. I am really sorry.

View Quoted Comment We sent out invitations months ago. I think September? And they'd all confirmed attendance and had again double confirmed that very week

Wow! I am so sorry.... Based on the info you've provided, that really is so puzzling. I can't even imagine how disappointing this is. Especially for the people who straight up lied to you and said they "were on the way," I'm not sure if I'd ever be able to talk to them again. I guess you can just try to stay focused on the fact that you are now MARRIED to the love of your life, and truly appreciate those friends who did show up to support you. Especially in a military community, I'd guess this is even more difficult because your lives are so interconnected and interdependent; this is just incredibly rude and hurtful, unless there were some extreme factors, like weather or upcoming deployments or illnesses that had a significant impact of the last minute cancellations. It doesn't make up for the hurt, but CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage!

View Quoted Comment All from the same unit so no deployments. For Colorado the weather was super mild. A little snow the night before but all melted (and plowed) in time for the wedding

View Quoted Comment So not confused, thinking it was not happening due to a couthouse marriage earlier. How Awful. Mean and nasty, to confirm then no show. So many self involved people who don't take 2 minutes a month to think about how other people feel. I am sorry. Start making some new genuinely nicer friends, together. You clearly see who your real friends are. Sometimes people just have conflicts, or do not feel strongly about a friendship, with a competing family event. They decline. It is okay, people can only do so much. But to accept an invitation, confirm it, then blow it off for no good reason? My youngest sister and her groom had about an 80% acceptance rate, early April wedding. 150 about accepted, of 188, sent in meal cards and such between 4th week out and 15 days ( I did counts, they had grad school exams.). All family showed, all of her friends, the few coworkers. And 22 of his 30 friends were no shows. And though many not in relationships, they had said, if you want a date, we will address an in itation to them personally. So 44, expected, no shows. Reasons? Well, no one in their old school expected their BB team would do do well. They wanted to watch it on TV live, not tape it. Or, I went to the casino 10 days ago, lost too much, and stayed extra days. They could not call in a week? Or, I've been depressed, my girlfriend and I had a big fight after we accepted, and did not make up til too late to get clothes??? Half had requested an extra invitation. His family had contributed 1/4, mine 1/4, test theirs. 44x $125. Only 6 of his friends plus SO came. And no other no shows. He was devastated. Nice not to be worth taping a televised college ball game to watch the next day, to people asking about your wedding, asking for SO and date invites. Just selfish. Sister said, proof that what they say about spoiled prep school boys, and those going to be lawyers , is too often true. Selfish. Ever no show was one or the other. You are not alone, it is them with no decency. But it still must hurt. And a waste of money for someone on a tight budget. Like my sister, paying her own way through law school. Like you.