No Rehearsal Dinner for OOT Guests?

The rehearsal dinner is for people who have to be at the rehearsal and their SOs. That's it. But you definitely don't need to say "we're not having a dinner for you" because that's just rude.

I always thought it was expected that OOT guests are also included in the rehearsal dinner. So I guess I want to make sure people don't think it's rude that we aren't inviting them? I guess I'm over thinking it.

No. The rehearsal dinner is a thank you for making people rehearse, which they really don't need to do in 90% of cases. You tell the people that are forced to rehearse and leave it at that.

You don't have to put it anywhere. You simply do not mention it.

It's become an unofficial trend -- this "OOT guests attending the RD" thing. In fact, printed RD invitations have now found their way onto the wedding scene. It's ridiculous, and it adds a hefty tab to the couple's financial obligations.

The RD is held for one reason, and one reason only -- it is to honor your personal attendants, those BMs and GM who will walk the aisle and stand with you as you exchange your vows. I have always believed that inviting Aunt Jane and Uncle John to your RD, family members who happened to have traveled from Milwaukee to attend your Texas wedding, dilutes the honor that belongs to your immediate family and honor attendants.

No, you don't have to invite them. No. No. No. They will be duly honored the next day at the reception they traveled to attend.

Thanks guys! I've been to two weddings in my FH's family in the past few years and they both invited all OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner. There were formal invitations and everything.

@Celia, do you recommend we don't bother making our bridal party go to a rehearsal? Should it just be me and FH, DOC, and officiant? Do you usually skip a rehearsal?

Correct. The rehearsal dinner is for OOT guests plus the BP Traditionally..i don't think it's unofficial tho. It's pretty standard but it's your day. Don't mention it anywhere but some may still think they are invited bc typically you are if you're coming in from OOT.

I wouldn't mention it- they will get the hint when they aren't invited! All of my family is OOT, they aren't getting invited because that's half the wedding and ridiculous

I have never been invited to a RD as an out of town guest who was not in the wedding, so I think this may be a regional thing. That being said we are inviting all OOT guests to ours and we aren't really doing a "rehearsal" as there won't be much to rehearse. "Dinner" will be a casual outdoor thing, nothing fancy. But about 70% of our guest list is OOT and I'd like to treat (and spend more time with) everyone who is in town early. Our BP consists of only his brother (BM) and one of my best friends (MOH) so I don't think they will mind sharing the "honor" with our other family and friends that night.

The traditional RD is hosted by the groom's family (right...just as the reception is traditionally hosted by the bride's family). We all know times have changed, so, if it is the couple's responsibility to host a RD, they have every right to keep the guest list limited to honor attendants and immediate family members.

Typically, the RD happens after a 30 or 40 minute rehearsal at the venue, the night before the wedding. It includes all honor attendants and SOs, as well as parents and siblings/SOs. Grandparents can be included. Beyond that, it is a closed affair.

It is unofficial to invite OOT guests to a RD. The mere name of the dinner, "Rehearsal Dinner" defines what the dinner is all about. It isn't an "Out of Town Guests and Attendants' Dinner", it's a thank you for the money, effort, and time an honor attendant spent leaving work, driving to your venue, and spending time going through a processional/recessional rehearsal for the next day. Your OOT guests -- unless they are you grandparents -- should have no expectation of being invited to a closed dinner.

Wedding blogs can try to make the RD a welcome dinner (just as they try to make friendors an acceptable approach to weddings), but that is not what the RD is about. It is about your honor attendants. If someone else is paying for the dinner, then they can invite whomever they want, but it is not the responsibility of the bride and groom to host a pre-wedding dinner for all OOT guests.

I have never been to a rehearsal dinner that had anybody but the people in the wedding at it.

Wow, Rachel does give great insight/advice (I've taken a break from WW).

Inviting OOT guests also seem like a recent trend to serve as a welcome party, but I could see it being done in the pat because 1 or 2 families used to be OOT.... we finalized our RD count to be 50 ppl (parents, grandparents, WP, my immediate siblings). Inviting all the other OOT would have doubled the list, and be 2/3 of the wedding.

We have thought about including OOT guests in our RD, as only a small portion (less than 10) of our guests are truly from OOT and then it would become more of a "welcome dinner". If it is just going to end up being a smaller version of your reception I would say just keep it at your honor attendants and your immediate family.

I don't know anyone that invited OOT guests to the RD. If we invited OOT guests we would be inviting all 150 people. Everyone coming is from OOT. We are having parents, grandparents, the WP, officiant who is a good friend and a friend who is doing a reading.

Personally, I really hate the new trend of massive rehearsal dinners that are basically mini weddings. The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be a time spent with your very nearest and dearest, honoring their commitment to be a part of your wedding. An intimate "calm before the storm" of the wedding day.

I don't think it's right to ask people to spend yet another day on your wedding festivities--true, an invitation is not a summons but they are bound to feel guilty for blowing off secondary events like this. Not to mention that the expense is considerable and unnecessary. And it makes me he wedding itself feel less special when it's just round 2.

My dad's friends brother/wife were bullied into hosting all the out of town guests, at their son's rehearsal dinner. The bride was from way out of state, in - I guess - a region where it's common to have OOT guests attend the RD. The POG ended up paying $13k for food and drink to entertain 125 guests, at that rehearsal dinner. I'm sorry but that's a wedding to me AND ridiculous.

I think this depends on your social circle. Some families that is a given, others it would seem strange to do.

If you think either family would expect it, I would talk to your parents and your FH's parents and let them know the plan. I would think at least some family members would probably contact them for the plans rather than go to you directly. Ask them to let them know that the RD is going to me small and private, but that everyone can't wait to see them at the wedding. Tell anyone who contacts you the same thing. It'll be fine.

ETA: Don't put who isn't invited on any invitations. If people assume they are invited, they will call to find out details, deal with it then.

"I don't think it's right to ask people to spend yet another day on your wedding festivities--true, an invitation is not a summons but they are bound to feel guilty for blowing off secondary events like this."

I'm sorry, but that's one of the silliest things I've read. No one is going to feel guilty for not going to a rehearsal/welcome dinner.

OP, you absolutely do not have to invite anyone outside those who are at rehearsal. But don't mention it anywhere. You never, ever address people to tell them they're not invited. Just invite the bridal party and move on.

On a similar note, I don't understand all this shaming of extra wedding events, such as welcome dinners. If people can afford it, so what? Personally, I think favors and menus are a waste of money. I think it's ridiculous to spend $10K on flowers. I think it's crazy to spend $10K on a dress. And don't even get me started on the destination bachelorettes where you likely pay very little, but your loved ones foot the bill. Likewise, as long as they can afford it, there is nothing wrong with inviting OOT guests to the RD and turning it into a welcome dinner. We did it and many guests specifically thanked us for including them.