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Just Said Yes March 2021

No reception, budget is not an issue.

Jessica, on February 9, 2020 at 3:01 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
- We want to have a ceremony only at a nice church because we are awkward, don’t dance and hate attention.
- We are high school sweethearts, will be over 10 years together.
- Will NOT accept any gifts or money whatsoever. Don’t need them. - We can say thank you for coming by saying, “Thank you so much for coming to witness our marriage, we truly appreciate it! Please get home safe.” How does that sound? It’s 2020, do people still think this is rude?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Brenda, on February 16, 2020 at 3:26 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Yeah, it’s still rude. If you have no interest in properly hosting your guests, don’t invite any.
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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    Even if you are awkward, don't dance, and hate attention, you could have a cake and punch reception (no dancing) afterward. Even at a normal church service, most churches have at least some food afterward. Or have a small ceremony and invite people to dinner afterward.


    A wedding ceremony is typically quite short. It's kind of anticlimactic for people to get all dressed up and go out for a 15-minute ceremony, and then just go home afterward.


    If you really can't stand even that amount of attention, you could just not invite guests at all. If you don't like attention, why would you even want people paying attention to you at the ceremony?

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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    This exactly. You don’t have to dance or be the centre of attention - you could just invite your nearest and dearest and take them for dinner at your favourite restaurant.

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  • K
    Savvy August 2021
    Kayla ·
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    Me and FH don't dance either, and we have always kept a small pool of friends. We are offering music in case anyone else wants to dance, we won't. We are doing a small reception dinner. Since the venue is very scenic, I think they will just appreciate the food, music and views. At the end of the day, the reception does not need to be long , and you can keep it short.

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    It's not a matter that it's 2020 and that having receptions an outdated rule. Originally when I ever thought about getting married, I just thought about forgoing the reception just because I wouldn't have a budget and I didn't want to break the bank for it. But then a lot of ladies on here made a very good point that I saw in other post that you're asking guests to take time out of their lives, out of their day to come and see you. So it's only nice to host them somewhat. To me, I guess it's kind of like if you invite people over to your house and you don't offer them something to drink or maybe with something to snack on it can be rude. Especially I think if you have the budget then why not have a reception. Now here is where you can argue about how it's now 2020 in regards to how you do the reception. My future husband, even when we have our post elopement reception. I know that we will not do a first dance or nothing like that because he hates being center of attention. So I kind of figured that maybe we'll make the theme more of like just a party with games like cornhole, life-size Checkers, maybe some card games. You don't have to do the formalities of reception. You can just do something relax with some party trays and just let people know that you're not going to hang out as if they were at like a bar or just a regular house party. If you still don't want to do the full reception, then like others have said at least do some cake and champagne or punch and maybe some light bites to officially thank them for coming to your big day.
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    I agree with PP, I wouldn’t suggest doing a ceremony with no form of reception after- this is how you thank your guests for taking time out of their own lives to celebrate you. You said money is not an issue, so I’d suggest having an informal dinner at a restaurant near the church where the ceremony will be held. There wouldn’t be anyone announcing your entrance, or a sweetheart table, or a first dance, or a cake cutting, or any of the other things that typically mean all eyes on you at a wedding. It would just be you going to a restaurant for dinner with your friends & family.
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  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    Why not go out to dinner or cook food for your guests? Doesn’t have to be a dancing party. Maybe even have light snacks and refreshments.
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  • Kaysey
    Super February 2020
    Kaysey ·
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    I agree with many of the previous posters. If you're inviting them to witness a ceremony, it is only appropriate to feed them after. It doesn't mean it has to be extravagant or cost a lot of money, nor does it have to have dancing, but it should at least be a lunch or dinner for your guests. Maybe do a buffet at the church if they allow it, or block off a back room of a restaurant and have a buffet style meal there.


    It is fine that you do not want any gifts, but be prepared for people to bring them anyway. Even if you do not do a wedding registry, you will probably get cards with some cash or checks in them. Some guests may also bring personalized gifts for you guys as well. To minimize this, I'd recommend putting on the invitation something along the lines of "in lieu of gifts, we ask for you to please make a donation to a charity of your choice". Or you and your future spouse could choose a charity you might want your guests to donate to specifically.


    As many people have already said, if you and your future spouse do not like attention at all, I'd recommend just inviting your immediate family, or not anyone at all. In my personal opinion it is a little rude to invite people to a ceremony and not have anything for them after.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    You can host a simple cake & punch reception in the church hall (have your wedding at a non meal time like 2 pm). If you still don’t want to do that, definitely elope.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I would do as PpS said and just have some cake and punch or something after for an hour or something so you could go around thanking people for attending at least
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  • Kellyann
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kellyann ·
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    My fiance and I will not dance. We're going to do the shoe game. If people are travelling, driving/flights, I'd advise a brunch or games or something. You dont have to dance. People can be made very happy with food and dessert. Think of it as building community. You could rent out a space, get apps/snacks to keep it cheap.
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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    Yes it is. You don't have to do a big reception. Just do a hour long cake and punch reception right after the ceremony and that will be fine but you are the bride and groom....you are supposed to be and will be the center of attention.

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  • Brenda
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Brenda ·
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    This is so strange I’m literally in the same position as you fiancé and I going on 11 years high school sweethearts have been engaged for 2 years lol and are having our ceremony at a church but reception like we seriously do not have the money to host a reception not even for 20 people. Our families aren’t even pitching in they haven’t even offered or asked if we needed any help. My fiancé is too shy to ask his mother because she’s a single mother & I recently had the courage to ask my parents but only could help with 1K which is going towards our ceremony. The financial standpoint has been unfortunate we booked our wedding date in August 2019 but my fiancé lost his job he was a paramedic & they got extremely screwed over the company he worked for went bankrupt & they still owe him & his ex-coworkers a two full paychecks so basically he worked for free for 1 month & because of that job loss debt built & we’re working on paying that down. Luckily he’s at a better career now he’s now a deputy but sadly the debts are drowning us & we seriously can’t afford a reception & we feel real bad about only doing a basic ceremony with only grandparents parents siblings & that’s it no cake nothing......advise anyone?
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Yes, it's very rude. If you don't want to host a reception, don't invite any guests.

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    You can't afford grocery store cupcakes and a box of coffee?

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  • Brenda
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Brenda ·
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    Yes we can but then again that’s pretty lame too but yeah cake and punch sure I’m open to that even inviting them for dinner at a restaurant later in the evening just the small group of the Invited people. But is that even acceptable still?
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