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Just Said Yes September 2019

No one is coming to my wedding

Cassandra, on August 11, 2019 at 10:36 AM Posted in Planning 1 19
I am trying very hard to not be upset, but my 110 guest list is down to, if I'm lucky, 50 people. My fiance's home town is 6 hours from mine. We picked a venue, a nice hotel, in a city that is very dear to our heart. It's about 4 hours from my side (in the same state) and between 2 to 4 from his family. We sent save the dates 13 months before the wedding, booked 3 different room blocks with shuttles for every budget, and had it set up that couples could split rooms without being charged double occupancy. We upgraded to the best package, which also includes a late night buffet so no one will be hungry before during or after the wedding. We even have everything in one spot to make it easier. I'm now one month out and ALL of my coworkers bailed. Coworkers that I have been working with for 10 years. None have children or financial strain to worry about. Right there I lost 20 guests, and only 2 had the respect to tell me to my face. Just ultimately disappointed and I wish I can cancel. I'm so depressed. Now we won't even reach our minimum.

19 Comments

Latest activity by Lauren, on September 21, 2021 at 4:48 PM
  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    I'm really sorry this is happening to you! Home girl if you're in VA, let me know and I'll come to your flipping wedding. I can give party letters of references, I'm a great dancer and get juuuust drunk enough. Smiley tongue

    Are there other people you wished you could have invited (due to space/ costs) that you can now open the seats up to? If not, or if you're at the point of "thinking up" people to add that you maybe wouldn't really want there, I'd say just have a smaller party but with some amazing people that really wanted to be there and want to see you happy.
    Don't cancel!

    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I’m so sorry people bailed, it sounds like you worked hard to plan this amazing wedding. Which will still be an amazing wedding with plenty of people who care about you. I would focus on the fact that you are celebrating your love for your fiancé with your closest friends and family and it’s going to be a beautiful, happy day without negativity or drama. Your planning sounds similar to mine and my invites are going out soon. I am a little nervous and I’ve invited a few extra people because some already people told me they aren’t coming. Plus the weather in my wedding town could be 80 degrees or ice storms 😆 NC is so strange. I just keep telling myself the only people that have to be there are myself and my fiancé, my officiant and two witnesses and I can’t wait to be married to him. That’s the most important thing.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I'm sorry it worked out this way. There are a lot of posts from brides whose weddings ended up being significantly smaller than they originally expected who ended up thrilled with the outcome because they really got to spend time with and enjoy those who came. Try to refocus your expectations and be excited about those who can attend.

    For brides in the planning stages, I think this does raise a caution about planning a wedding that is fairly far away from a lot of guests. On this forum, people often claim, "plan it the way you want, those who truly care about you will be there," especially about destination weddings. Unfortunately, I think that can be misleading. No matter how much I care about you, there might be things that will prevent me from driving a long distance (four hours is likely more than 200 miles) and staying in a hotel for your wedding. I can love you, but not be able to make that work.

    OP -- hang in! I'm sure your wedding will be awesome, even if it's a little different than what you initially imagined. Smiley heart

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  • M
    VIP December 2019
    Michelle ·
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    Its not too late send out your B list invites ASAP. I'm sure they are people you wanted to invite but couldn't now you can!

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  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
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    I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It really sounds like you were trying to take your guests into consideration and show them a great time. That's such a shame. Talk to your venue about packaging food. Maybe you can donate it. Either way you're getting married and you will be so happy!
    • Reply
  • C
    Just Said Yes September 2019
    Cassandra ·
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    Oh you girls made me feel so much better! The wedding is in Pittsburgh y'all are invited!! Lol I am trying to focus on the good but it's hard. I wish I had it back home now, but I know it's to late to change things. I'm from the wilkes barre/scranton area of Pennsylvania so it's literally just on the other side of the state. My own father, who drives down to Florida all the time, complained that he didn't want to "drive all the way" to Pittsburgh. I didn't invite many friends because I was "guaranteed" 20 from work. We didn't want to go over 80 to 100 guests. Now it's to late for "b list' invites since my lovely coworkers waited until the day before the RSVP by date to say they weren't coming. *not even to my face btw even though we work in one office 40 hours a week together for 10 years* And everyone in my family is just constantly complaining about the distance, when my fiance's family drove over 6 hours just to attend my shower! Heads up to future brides: elope!!!🙄😂😂😫
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    That was awful how some coworkers didn't tell you they weren't coming! Unfortunately, any wedding that involves travel is bound to have a smaller turnout rate.

    Remember, it's about quality, not quantity! You can still have a beautiful, magical wedding Smiley heart

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Smiley sad I'm so sorry. I'm sure you'll have a good time with who does come though and honestly a small wedding is what I wish I had because you would have way more time with each person there.
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  • Paula
    Super September 2019
    Paula ·
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    Oh no, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and with people who are just so inconsiderate! Some people (even the people who've planned weddings before) sometimes don't understand all the energy, time, money & stress we brides are already dealing with. I know it's hard but just try to focus on what the day is all about, it's about you marrying the love of your life. You'll have a more intimate wedding with the family & friends who love you and are there to support you and you can really spend quality time with them.

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  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    I'm really sorry about all of this. Smiley heart

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  • October2019
    Dedicated October 2019
    October2019 ·
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    I am sorry if I was in PA I would come but alas I am in Chicago. I sincerely hope that you get a larger turn out then you are currently expecting as much as people say it's your day without people there to celebrate with you it's not the same. I will be praying for you that you enjoy your wedding day no matter what.
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  • A
    Savvy August 2019
    Ann ·
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    I understand what you're feeling - I am having similar issues. We are under our minimum too, and while we are extending invites to a few last minute people, we likely won't meet our minimum. While I was initially stressed about being able to say hi to everyone, I'm glad that I will be able to have more time to celebrate with everyone! And at the end of the day, we will be married!
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    It's unfortunate that more people can't attend your wedding; your frustration and disappointment are understandable. Unfortunately 8 hours round trip and a hotel stay is quite a ways to travel and a financial commitment for a wedding and a lot of people won't do that for anybody but their closest family or friends.

    Regarding your coworkers, it doesn't sound like any of them did anything wrong. You don't know their private financial situations; you do not know whether they have "financial strain to worry about." They RSVPed before the deadline. Invitations aren't summons - they're allowed to decline, for whatever reason. There also shouldn't be any expectation on your part that any guest reach out to you in some way in addition to RSVPing by the method you requested to let you know that they can't attend your wedding. I'm not sure why you thought they were a guaranteed 20, but nobody is a sure thing until they officially RSVP.

    Can you offer plus ones (true plus ones) to single guests who didn't receive them in order to reach your minimum? Can you use the difference in cost between the minimum and the number of guests you're going to have to upgrade something else?

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  • P
    Savvy October 2019
    P ·
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    I don’t understand people. It’s a wedding and sometimes it requires travel. It annoys me when people make a big fuss about “inconveniences” and pick on everything. I’m sorry this happened. All the people who are meant to be there will be there. These things have a way of working out. As for family members that complain, that’s what they do. My sister had a destination wedding a few years ago and my aunts never stopped expressing their concerns for other guests and finances. In the end she said it was the best wedding she’s ever been to. My cousin decided to have a destination wedding last year and the same aunts complained again. Guess what? Once they were there they had a great time. Humans complain. Don’t worry.
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  • M
    Dedicated February 2020
    Michelle ·
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    Our wedding is six months out and I'm starting to freak out, even though I thought I had braced myself. We're having a destination wedding and knew probably half of our guest list wouldn't make it. Almost my entire extended family won't be coming, his isn't either, and our friends are sort of dropping like flies.

    I have no advice other than I feel you!

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  • La Tanya
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    La Tanya ·
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    Same thing happened to me I started with 2 went to 12 now it’s @ 6 that includes myself and my fiancé
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  • M
    Dedicated February 2020
    Michelle ·
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    We ended up with just over 60 out of a very likely 80-90. 12 people backed out in the last 2 weeks (of a destination wedding).


    2 bridesmaids dropped out, then 1 went back in, in the last month before the wedding. Wedding was amazing but this was a roller coaster till the end!
    • Reply
  • La Tanya
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    La Tanya ·
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    Wow why does getting married becomes soo hard .
    • Reply
  • L
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Lauren ·
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    I’m so sorry girl and to everyone else who had the same situation. I’m having a destination wedding in a month and barely anyone is coming, even people who have said they were coming for years… yes we’ve been planning for years. Neither of my grandparents can make it, my only sister isn’t coming, no one from my dads side, two childhood best friends. So I get it. I’ve been googling these chats to feel better but there’s really nothing that can make me feel better. At this point I just hope everyone who rsvp’d actually comes. Two friends don’t have flights yet so it makes me nervous. Keep faith girl, I’m sure it will still be fun, all those people will wish they had come! I also thought about my guests so much with the planning and people who had been talking about suddenly sent their response as no. It’s heartbreaking because I would and have traveled 5 hours one way for a someone who I was falling out of a friendship with, and 10 hours one way for a cousin who I never speak to! For me, you make things work for the ones you care about. Period.
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