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Leslie
Beginner May 2021

No Maid of Honor/speeches

Leslie, on April 19, 2020 at 12:28 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
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I have four wonderful women I want to stand by my side and I can’t choose who to have as my maid of honor as I feel it would cause hurt feelings. If I only have them as maids of honor, what should I do about speeches? Do I have them say a collective message? No speech at all? Help!

14 Comments

Latest activity by Leslie, on April 24, 2020 at 12:17 AM
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    You can ask if one would like to speak. Not everyone likes to. Usually there are only a couple of speeches for 2 minutes or so, then a toast. And often from 2 of : MOH, Best Man, father or stepfather of bride, or groom, mother or stepmother of bride or groom, 1 sibling representing family, a godparent, or a mentor. So you may just choose 2 others, not MOH at all. Entirely optional.
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  • Aubrianna
    Dedicated January 2022
    Aubrianna ·
    • Flag
    Dear Leslie,

    Thank you for your post! It’s great to have four close friends to share this special time in your life with! My fiancé and I are personally opting out of traditional speeches. For us, it would be easy to say to our group of friends, “if you want to give a speech and think that you have something really heartfelt and eloquent to say, be our guest,” without having a flood of people lined up to speak. For example, my maid of honor and his best man are not going to want to give a speech and so we can leave that time open for someone in our wedding party who actually wants to put something like that together. You know, it’s an honor, but there is a certain degree of risk involved and we understand how embarrassing it can be! In addition, our grandparents are probably more likely to speak than our parents, with the latter probably being more traditional.
    It just depends on what you want to do! If you really want a specific person to speak, but don’t want to offend anyone, you can always say it’s open to the wedding party and then speak to that person 1 on 1 about what it would mean to you. But like I said, in our friend group, it would be safe to say that no one would feel obligated to speak. Others might end up with 8 speeches from their wedding party, haha.Anyway, I look forward to hearing about how others are dealing with assigning or limiting speeches and to seeing what you decide to do!
    Aubrianna Abbema
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I would ask if they even wanna speak because I had two maids of honor and only one wanted to speak
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  • K
    Dedicated November 2021
    KPAR ·
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    I had 4 bridesmaids and no matrons of honor because I didn’t want to hurt feelings. I asked and none of them wanted to give a speech. I’m not sure if all 4 will be able to make it to our new date since our March date was canceled. I’m just not ready to start planning round 2 until we know more about COVID-19.
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  • Kayse
    Expert December 2020
    Kayse ·
    • Flag

    My FH and I decided not to have a bridal party at all. There are really no rules; you don't have to designate one person as MOH. They could all just be bridesmaids. I agree with the posters who say to just ask them if they'd like to speak and give any of them who would an opportunity to say something brief. Best of luck!!

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  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    I have an MOH, and I told her speech giving was up to her. She's not a public speaker. And I'm cool with that. She now has 6 months to decide.
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  • Leslie
    Beginner May 2021
    Leslie ·
    • Flag

    Thank you all so much for your incredibly helpful advice and for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences. They're all so helpful!

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  • ALYSSA
    Devoted September 2019
    ALYSSA ·
    • Flag
    I did the same thing! I had 4 beautiful ladies and no official made of honor. I only had 1 of them make a speech, she was with me when I met my husband so it only felt fitting.

    You could also ask what they want. Personally, i HATE public speaking so I would prefer to have a part in a group statement, or even be open to not speaking lol.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I'm having 2 MOH's, but one is much more outgoing than the other so she is the one who will give a speech.

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  • Sara
    Devoted August 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    I'm in the same boat, I have 3 bridesmaids and I cannot choose. My fiance has a best man and I'm pairing them up (for walking down the aisle) by how they look together. Ex. Best man is very tall, so I'm putting my tallest bridesmaid with him. As for speeches, I just asked if anyone wants to give a speech.
    • Reply
  • J
    Savvy June 2021
    Jacklyn ·
    • Flag

    I would feel everyone out to see if they want to speak. If everyone wants to speak I would have them do a combined speech. If only one happens to want to speak then just have that one speak.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    I would ask them if they all would like to give just a few words. If all of them agree, they all get a little mini speech in, if not all of them want to, the ones who do can speak a little longer! I went to a wedding where the MOH, and three of the five maids spoke and no one batted an eye!

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  • Leslie
    Beginner May 2021
    Leslie ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you! This is very helpful Smiley smile

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  • Leslie
    Beginner May 2021
    Leslie ·
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    I appreciate your feedback!

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