D
Just Said Yes July 2021

No longer want to get married after long engagement, arguments and covid

Daisy, on May 16, 2021 at 8:39 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 14
Saved
Reply
What to do when I no longer know if I want to get married? My fiancee and I got engaged 2019 after being together for a couple of years. We couldn't completely agree with what we want for the wedding. On top of that, parents were really pushy with their wishes. We did organise a wedding for 2020 with which I was ok but not completely happy. We had to postpone it due to corona and booked a similar setting for 2021. It's been so long since engagement (2+ years) and the corona troubles haven't disappeared. I also have some doubts about staying together as we don't seem to agree completely about future plans either. On top of that, I had to compromise a lot for the wedding and he made me feel like my wishes are not that important. I told him I want to cancel the wedding but he didn't accept it. I just wish we could start over and I will have a real desire to marry him, even if it is mainly euphoria and feeling in love (I love him but don't feel in love).

14 Comments

Latest activity by Daisy, on May 17, 2021 at 4:21 AM
  • D
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Daisy ·
    • Flag
    Clarification - we have less than 2 months until wedding. We have booked a venue, photograpger, hairdresser and have some vague ideas the wedding details. I have a wedding dress, he has a costume and parents have clothes. But that's about it. There is a lot yo do but I just gave up and he is not picking up the work (as he is the one who wants to get married). Help!
    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    Wow that’s a lot to have hanging over you. If you are not in love with this man you should cancel the wedding and move on. Do not get married because you think you are suppose to or have already planned a wedding. Not being in love with someone will end in divorce so it’s better not to put yourself through this. Sit down and talk with him right away.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Devoted June 2021
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    If you are feeling this way in your gut, then it’s not right. Follow that feeling. You should absolutely not get married if you no longer feel in love, period. Your FH should respect how you are feeling instead of brushing it off and essentially forcing you to get married. Do what’s in your heart, girl! ❤️
    • Reply
  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
    • Flag
    You break up and walk away. That’s all you can do. I got married the first time even though I didn’t want to and divorce is very painful. I suggest you don’t go through that. It’s a lot easier to end things now and find healing and lose out on all the money you put into your wedding than to go through with it and divorce a few months into your marriage.
    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2022
    Natalie ·
    • Flag

    IMO this is where you should call off the wedding. If the relationship can be saved consider going to couples therapy. If it can't be saved, walk away. Definitely put a halt on spending any more money or making any more commitments with the wedding though. It doesn't really matter if he does not want to call it off....you need two willing people to get married.

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Devoted August 2022
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    It seems that your long engagement may have been a blessing in disguise. Planning a wedding is one of the first big things couples tackle together. The mix of stress, finances, and family dynamics at play give you a trial run of what your partnership will look like. Think about that carefully, listen to your gut, and walk away if that's best for you.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    I would book a solo counseling ASAP to help you figure out what you want. If it’s workable, postponing the wedding and couples counseling might help.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the others. First, find a therapist for yourself to talk this out and realize what you want. If you find out you want to cancel the wedding and end the relationship, do so. It is much easier to do that now than when you’re married and have to go though divorce proceedings.
    If you want to keep fighting for the relationship but can’t get married right now, postpone the wedding until you’re ready. Hopefully your partner will understand where you’re coming from and you can do some couple counseling to see if your future matches up.
    Good luck 💜
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Cancel everything at this point and go your separate ways.
    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Dedicated June 2021
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    Go to counseling by yourself to figure out what you want.

    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow Online ·
    • Flag
    A cancelled wedding is much cheaper and easier than divorce. Sounds like you already know what you want, you're just afraid of the sunk cost
    • Reply
  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
    • Flag
    Just because you love him doesn't mean you will be happy spending the rest of your life together. If you are this on the fence about getting married I would fall off the wedding completely. Either try to go to counseling and work things out or decide to walk away now and move on with your life. Don't put up with someone who doesn't respect your opinions and makes you feel unimportant at your own wedding.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Break it off NOW.
    Put the dress away,, and be happy thet you did not get very far.
    It takes a lot of love and wanting to make things happen to make a good marriage.
    • Reply
  • D
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Daisy ·
    • Flag
    Thank you, everyone for the advices abd encouragement. I really appreciate it. I decided to first go to counseling to figure out what I really want as breaking the engagement is the very last option for me. I want to make sure it's not wedding blues and that I am not being a bridezilla. Fingers crossed it will work out well for both of us.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics