No kids??

This is a really personal decision and also depends very much on your friends and family groupings.

For us - if we'd included kids, it would have increased our guest count by a third and substantially changed the feel of the day, as well as been prohibitively expensive, so we decided not to invite children or infants.

If we'd had only one friend with a baby, it probably would be fine, but we don't. At the time of our wedding, we'll have at least 10 friends with babies under 1. Maybe more. There's almost no way none of them would cry during the ceremony. And how can we say to one friend 'your baby is fine' but say to another 'sorry yours isn't'. So we decided not to invite any. We socialised this with our friendship group and they understood our reasons and completely agreed which was great, but you might have a situation where it would cause major issues within your family or friendship group, and you have to weigh up whether it's worth it.

You also have to accept that you have every right to have the day you want and that might not include children. But if you make this choice, it may mean that certain friends that you would desperately love to have, decline the invitation.

So, you do need to weigh up all the ramifications and make your choice based on what you know of your guest list. Plus, there are other options - a side room at the ceremony or reception with a baby sitter, for example, or having a child-free reception (or ceremony).

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for the response! This really put a lot into perspective. I appreciate you replying and giving me a lot to think about and to discuss with my fiancé!

It is extremely common to have adult only weddings (I can only think of 2 weddings I’ve attended in the past 10 years that were kid friendly), so don’t feel bad, guilty, or like you are doing something out of the ordinary if you choose to go that route. Personally, I feel there are A LOT more pros to adult-only weddings than there are cons. You don’t have to worry about babies crying or children disrupting your wedding ceremony. Parents don’t need to worry about entertaining their children, and can “let loose” and celebrate during the reception. Speaking of the reception, children tend to hog the dance floor and completely ruin the party vibe because the adults can’t dance (and if they do, they have to be careful not to bump into/knock down the kids running amuck on the dance floor). You don’t have to worry about children breaking things or damaging property at the venue, or them getting hurt. Not to mention eliminating children saves space and money for you! And, to be honest, weddings generally are not fun for kids. I know they like the IDEA of them, because parents make it sound super fun. But the reality is, wedding ceremonies are boring for kids! Kids have no idea what is going on during the ceremony, and they are forced to sit still and be quiet while not being entertained (and wearing uncomfortable dress clothes & shoes). They are usually frustrated by the time they get to the reception and act out. Not to mention, kids get cranky when they are tired. Which means parents will leave early or risk their child having a meltdown.

You're going to get different opinions no matter who you ask and some people will be seriously offended whether you go one way or the other lol. I'm in the group that says you will not be terrible for not inviting kids. There's no need for kids to be at your wedding if you don't want them there. Obviously some people might be upset or not be able to come because of this, but if it's what you truly want for your day then stick to your guns. Weddings aren't normally kid friendly events unless you make a point to make them kid friendly, and most kids don't really want to be there nor will they remember it later on.

For us, we knew we wanted FH's nieces and nephew in our wedding because they're the only kids in our immediate family, but our reception will not be kid friendly and I didn't want people to have to babysit kids. Our solution was to talk things through with his sister and their kids will be in the ceremony and may stay for dinner, but will be leaving after dinner at the latest. We are paying for his sister's in-laws to have dinner and will make space at the ceremony for them just in case to make everything easier on them because they're picking up the kids.

There are so many opinions on this subject, but here's what we're doing!

We're only allowing our families bring their children. We originally wanted a 100% kid free wedding, but since both of our families live in various states & countries, it wasn't an option to not let family bring children. Especially my family, which lives in the Philippines and Canada, none of them felt comfortable leaving their children at home while they were in another country for several days, which is understandable.

We were worried about how our friends with kids would take the news, but all of them are very understanding and actually love that they don't have to bring their kids lol. It really just comes down to whether or not you can enjoy your big day without children being there, and how you're friends and family will take the news. But, regardless of how they feel, it's your day. So if you don't want children, then that's something they'll have to deal with.

This is your big day sug! You make the decision that you feel is right , you may get some hateful comments from your guests but after all it is your big day and about you and the love of your life celebrating y’all’s big day!!

We're not having kids at ours. I think it's pretty common these days, especially with an open bar. The only caveat being, you have to accept that some people might not be able to come to your wedding.

It’s perfectly reasonable and common to have an adults only wedding.
My advice is to give no quarter LOL don’t start making exceptions unless you WANT to. And be unapologetic - you are hosting an event, you control who is invited.
Everyone has different ways they handle it, the important thing is to find where you are comfortable and draw the line there. Some people say no kids, some say newborns are ok, some have a cut off for a certain age. Just be polite and kind - don’t justify, and accept graciously when someone declines for child related reasons. It’s ok!

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Thank you so much for your reply! This is all very true and makes sense. This gives me a lot to think about.

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This is exactly what I was thinking! It's my big day so I decide what I ultimately want. Thank you!

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I didn't even think about the bar situation. Thank you for your advice!

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Thank you!!!! This is exactly what I was thinking!!!

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome!!🙂🙂

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This was interesting to read. That makes total sense. The more I think about it, the more I realize all my family are going to be in the area where we want to get married so I'm hoping they won't take offense to my fiancé and I not wanting to have kids present. thank you!

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That's really smart and makes sense. I'm definitely sticking to my guns lol !

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I'm glad my response was helpful! Yes, I am all for a kid free wedding, and if that's what you want then go for it! You're save the dates and invites will be delivered and give everyone enough time to find babysitting arrangements, so if anyone fusses, I feel like that's on them, not you.

View Quoted Comment I agree I'm all for kid free weddings, I've been to at least 6 weddings and only 1 had kids and from what I saw is the reason I'm for no kids. One kid at the wedding was trying to get the cake before it was even served and ended up knocking it over, his parents thought it was the bride and grooms fault for putting the cake out on display. One kid threw a tantrum in the middle of the ceremony and you couldn't hear the bride and groom exchange their vows. After that wedding I told my fiance no kids no exceptions at our wedding. We know some parents who are on our guest list who don't really parent their kids. I think it is a personal decision everyone has their own opinions on. Plus I think it is about how the parents and children are in your group.

You shouldn't feel guilty, I am a mother of 8 and everyone who I am inviting has kids so I will be having a kid wedding but I am used to the chaos so to each their own

Don't feel guilty if you want a kid free wedding. I would suggest that if someone has an infant, they can bring the baby as the mom could be nursing, and a baby won't increase the guest count. I like kids, I have two kids myself, and I am a teacher but I prefer a kid free wedding. They tend to monopolize the dance floor, parents think they don't have to watch them, or they get bored and want to leave at 7pm. If you hear (and I promise you, you will!) "If our kids can't come, then we are not coming!" say well then I guess we will miss you, then.

I myself would not bring a baby to a wedding but if I did I would sit near the back and leave if he started to fuss. But not everyone thinks that way, lol.

We are doing completely adult wedding. No kids will even be in the party. I have way too many nieces and nephews and that increased cost I want close ones to able to let loose for one night and celebrate our love.