No kids at wedding/plus ones

For both of your questions, the only way to do this politely is to list exactly who the invitation is for on the front. Example: John and Jane Doe or Janet Doe. You could also have a "We have reserved _____ seats in your honor" that you could fill in with the number of seats. If someone adds in a guest/kids, you'll have to call them and let them know the invitation was only meant for them and that you'd understand if they were not able to make it.

Just something to point out as well (as this is often forgotten by people) that guests in relationships should always be invited with their significant other (no matter how "serious" you deem their relationship or whether or not you have met the SO) as they are a social unit. Plus ones are for truly single guests and are not required, but are nice if you have the space/budget.

Invitations are about who is invited, not who isn’t. Address the invitation to whoever you want there.

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Hi Nicole,

That's actually a great idea! I didn't think to add the "We have reserved __ seats in your honor". I will incorporate that on my invites. Should I fill out the number of seats reserved or should I wait until I receive their RSVP's with it filled? I've also been telling people who have been asking about the wedding, but I wanted something more concrete. As for the plus ones it was mainly for my single guests who may think they can bring someone along. Thanks so much for your insight!

Addressing the invitations to who’s invited is just the beginning. Like Nicole said you’ll have to make calls to tell them they can’t bring people when they write the names in anyway. Because unfortunately people do ignore what you write and make assumptions. As for me I definitely let everyone bring a guest because I think going to a wedding alone is the worst. I didn’t invite children but we had room so I just let it go if people asked and it all turned out fine. Only one person actually brought a kid and he was an absolute joy, well behaved and got everyone dancing.

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Definitely fill them in ahead of time! You don't want them to have the option to fill it in for themselves! That's calling for trouble, for sure! Haha. I've attached a picture of our invitation suite for you. On our RSVP cards, you can see where I will be writing in how many seats are saved for them. I also will be writing in the amount of seats where is says ____ of _____ accepts. I'll fill in the 2nd line with the amount they are given and will let them fill in the first line with the amount attending (just in case only the parents are coming versus the whole family). I went this route because apparently FH's family is notorious for just bringing a car full of people...not on my watch!

Invitation Suite

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That's literally why I want to make sure everyone is aware that piggy backing off an invite isn't accepted. My FH's family/friends are notorious for doing things like that and I don't want to be caught off guard on our big day, especially since we are paying per person. I love your idea and appreciate the photo you attached. I will be using this as reference.

Thanks again to everyone who responded!

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Mostly agree here (and with PPs, all solid advice), but just a side thing: if you're not allowing kids (and you make that clear by inviting "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and not "The Smith Family") then please draw a hard line on only having the wedding-party kids there. I'd be pretty peeved if I got an invite, saw my child wasn't invited, organized childcare to get around this, then showed up at the wedding only to see that someone else's child was allowed in. With inviting children, it should be all or nothing (exceptions to this are small, mostly breastfeeding, babies and the kids in the wedding party). I may not say anything to the bride and groom directly, but I'd definitely be at least annoyed. It's not worth risking moms and dads feeling put-out.

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I completely disagree. It's completely acceptable to invite children who are related to the bride and groom. I would 100% not be offended if I saw the bride or groom's niece or nephew at the wedding. They are family not a random child of a person at the wedding.

Nicole, I think that is a fantastic idea and my fiancé and I will be incorporating this into our invites. As for kids, we have limited to immediate family only and an age of 12 or less, which will come out to approximately 5 kids. The way I look at it is, it is our wedding day, and we want our family to experience it first and foremost. Others have to respect our decisions.

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...That's not what the poster said. She verbatim said, "I didn’t invite children but we had room so I just let it go if people asked and it all turned out fine. Only one person actually brought a kid and he was an absolute joy, well behaved and got everyone dancing."

Nothing about the child being a niece or a nephew.

Additionally, the rule of "children who are related to the bride and groom" could mean you have 25 nieces and nephews at a no-children wedding when the "non-family-member-children" count is 4. The point is that picking and choosing children to invite will often result in a guest feeling like it's a slap in the face to their child.

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I wasn't replying to the poster. I was replying to your post about being peeved if you saw children at a wedding that weren't in the wedding party. If a guest gets pissed because a bride invites children that she has a relationship with and doesn't invite yours whom she has no relationship with, then that guest has issues.

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I completely agree with you Jill! The only kids who will be there will be my children and niece/nephew whom I will most likely hire a nanny to tend so they're not running all over the place. I am requesting no children because most of the children are either toddlers or below 10. If any of my guests feel insulted by our decision they can kindly stay home since me and my FH are forking the bill for the entire event. I would hate for it to be ruined by something that could've been avoided from the beginning. I am also giving my guests plenty of time (3-4 months to be exact) to arrange for a sitter.

We included an insert with the invitations for house holds with kids that simply said something along the lines of...

" Parents, we are requesting that the kiddos be left at home. We want you to be able to fully enjoy this day with us and hope you are still able to attend."

Everyone respected our wishes and were glad to have a day away from the kids to have fun.

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Sherry,

That's genius! I appreciate your feedback and will be incorporating your suggestion in our invites.

Thank you and Happy New Years Eve!

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You're very welcome. Happy New Year!