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Emely
Beginner September 2021

No kids at a wedding?

Emely, on April 17, 2021 at 1:16 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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Hi everyone. I’m not a mom so I want to make sure I do this right so I don’t upset any of the parents.


Besides the flower girls and the ring bearers, and my nephew, I’m trying to avoid kids at the wedding. I’m a nanny so I’m very much aware how they can throw a tantrum for a number of reasons out of nowhere.


My fiancé has some good friends that have 2, 3 kids all around the age of 1-5. I want to know what is the best way to put on a invitation that we are just inviting the couple. If we put only the parents name on the invitation wil be enough? If it were my friends I would have a conversation about it hoping they would understand, but they are my fiancé friends and he really doesn’t want to talk to them about it.


Any suggestion is appreciated!




16 Comments

Latest activity by Melody, on April 19, 2021 at 2:03 PM
  • Sara
    Devoted August 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    Your fiance needs to talk to them about it. Putting the couple's name on the invite will not be enough. Or you need to include a little blurb on the invite stating no kids will be invited. Some people might be mad but that's the way it has to be. You can Google lots of good ideas on what to write on invites for having only adults.
    • Reply
  • Ariel
    Dedicated October 2021
    Ariel ·
    • Flag
    My wedding is no kids. There will be kids in the ceremony but they will not be attending the reception. I haven’t sent out invites yet, but I don’t plan on writing anything that says kids aren’t invited. The invitations will be addressed to the adults only and the RSVPs will be online and are set to 2 people which should be a big hint that kids aren’t welcome. If anyone has questions I expect them to reach out to me. My wedding is also an evening wedding at a vineyard so the reception will be past the little ones bed times.
    • Reply
  • V
    Dedicated May 2021
    Vall ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    OHHHHH Nice! I want to come to your wedding in a vineyard, sounds heavenly. Agreed all you have to do is address the names of the people who are invited. Then put the total X amount on the invitation.

    • Reply
  • Laurel
    Beginner August 2021
    Laurel ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the above suggestions, and we also put an FAQ page on our wedding website that included an “are kids invited” Q. We borrowed some language Zola basically saying while we wish we could accommodate everyone’s children, this is an adults only event.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine E.
    Devoted May 2022
    Jasmine E. Online ·
    • Flag
    Traditionally, it's rude to say who's excluded on the invite itself. So I would invite the adults' names and then put a note on your wedding website that you can't accommodate kids.
    • Reply
  • Ava
    Super May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    I am so torn on this. Traditionally, it was common to just address the envelope to specifically who was invited. But, in previous generations, those little etiquette rules were MUCH more well-known than they are today,
    and it was also not common for parents to assume their children were invited everywhere (which seems to be the case with recent generations). So you definitely run the risk of people “not getting it”, unless you spell it out for them. And unfortunately a lot of people will never look through your wedding website, so putting it there may prove ineffectual. Pre-covid I saw this bite a couple in the you-know-what. They only addressed the envelopes to the parents, put x amount of seats have been reserved for you on the RSVP, and designated it was an adult only affair on their wedding website.... 3 separate guests showed up with their children. Things did NOT go well from there. The bride was unaware of what was going on until the ceremony began and one of the children yelled “Hi Stephie!” repetitively, while waving at her as she walked down the aisle. She was super upset and annoyed through the whole ceremony, then was told by one of her family members that other guests were angry that there were children there when their’s weren’t allowed to attend. To try to mitigate it, she requested a family member explain to the guests who had brought their children that it was an adult only event. And THAT didn’t go over well either. All 3 couples left with their children, but 2 of them no longer speak to the couple due to the fallout from it. The bride was in tears at her wedding twice over the situation and said it completely ruined her experience (and multiple friendships). After witnessing that, I am seriously contemplated putting “adult only affair” either on a separate detail card with the invitation, or maybe even directly on the invite itself.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag

    Most people should be aware that names on the envelope is who is invited. You have "Mr and Mrs Daniel Jones" as opposed to "The Daniel Jones Family". Also, make it clear on the reply cards. If you are able, again specify invited names only on each card custom printed. If that isn't an option, then say "we have reserved 2 seats for you" and don't be afraid to call people who write in others.

    Be aware that when the wedding rolls around, you will have people rightfully upset that you made an ex exception to allow flowerchildren when they had to find childcare. They won't tell you but they will talk to others in attendance. It does happen. No one ever tells the couple.

    • Reply
  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    I'd just put the adults' names on the invitations, and you can include a blurb in the FAQ section on your website. Everybody knows that children in the wedding party are the exception to the no kids rule, so I highly doubt anyone would be offended. At nearly every adults-only wedding I've attended, the flower girls and the ring bearers have been the exception

    • Reply
  • Carissa
    Savvy September 2022
    Carissa ·
    • Flag
    Just write "adult only reception" at the bottom of the invites. Plain & simple. The kids in the bridal party have parents that I'm sure already know they are allowed, so it won't cause confusion.
    • Reply
  • Carissa
    Savvy September 2022
    Carissa ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I used to work at an event center and I just want to caution you that people will willfully not "get it" if you dont spell out that there are no kids. We had lots of weddings that were meant to be no kids, but the parents would play dumb and bring their kids "i thought lap kids would be fine" "I thought they just wanted the number of people eating meals and the young ones won't be eating"
    • Reply
  • J
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Jasmyn Online ·
    • Flag
    On the RSVP cards I put the number of seats reserved for them so that way if they see it’s only 2 they know no kids 😊
    • Reply
  • Chantal
    Just Said Yes April 2022
    Chantal ·
    • Flag
    You can put this on your invitation. I plan on doing so myself; “FYI for Parents:- We love kids but this event is adult only. Get a sitter, get dressed and take advantage of a two for one- a night out without the kids and the opportunity to share in celebrating our love and union”
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I think Michelle is right. If it's your own children, I think that exception is right, but other exceptions may rub people the wrong way
    • Reply
  • D
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Danielle ·
    • Flag
    I would only put the adults names on invites. And if you’re having them RSVP on your website, just put only their names to RSVP for. Most parents I’m finding out don’t want to bring their kids to a wedding unless they are older (12+).


    I’m allowing kids at my wedding cause I have 2, and my sisters have 5. I want them to have friends to play with/distract them during the boring adult parts. And majority of the parents RSVP’ed without their kids. I invited 45+ kids(anyone under 18), and only 15 RSVP’ed. And out of those 15, 10 are 12+.
    Hope this helps. ❤️
    • Reply
  • Shelly
    Rockstar January 2022
    Shelly ·
    • Flag

    Most people will know that if the invite is only addressed to them and not the whole family "The Jones Family", then they know not to being kids.

    We're addressing envelopes this way, but also have spread the news by word of mouth AND have this listed on our wedding website. Guests will have to RSVP online, so they'll see this information when they RSVP electronically.

    We're only allowing children of the families to attend. Originally we wanted no children at all, but we have family in so many different states and countries with young kids, and asking them to leave their kids for 3-4 days just wasn't feasible.

    • Reply
  • Melody
    Expert April 2021
    Melody ·
    • Flag

    We are allowing children at the ceremony, but only because the venue provides childcare during reception only. Otherwise, there would be no kids, period, at our wedding. We addressed the invites to just the parents, wrote "adult reception to follow" on the invites, and only allowed RSVPs on the website by name. A couple people with kids reached out with questions and we let them know that kids are welcome to the ceremony but not the reception. Childcare is available at the venue, or they can find their own childcare for the day. Unfortunately some parents will be upset no matter how you go about this for various reasons. If the ones with kids are your FH's friends, then he really is the one who needs to talk to them. Yes, it may be uncomfortable, but since they're his people it's his place to have the conversation and not yours. I would just make sure that you talk to your FH beforehand to make sure that you're on the same page and that he makes it clear that you guys are a united front on this.

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