Lexi
Just Said Yes March 2024

No kid wedding when wedding party member assumed their baby is invited and in wedding

Lexi, on November 23, 2021 at 3:57 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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Ok I need help. So I am in the early stages of planning my wedding. So I'm still working out all the kinks. Initially I wanted to Elope but my close family and Circle is small and my parents (father passed this January)and his mom can't attend so I started want my friends there as wedding party /guests. So one my bridal party members is pregnant . By my wedding her baby will be almost 2. I want a child free destination wedding. We will all be staying at a airbnb and I would prefer that to be child free as well. This is her first baby we are all excited, but that excitement doesn't change the fact I don't want kids there. In addition to this issue she assumed that her small child will also be in my wedding. We will be in the middle of a jungle/ rainforest wildlife preserve and I don't wantthe distraction of fussy children there. All the stress of people inviting themselves or assuming they will be asked to be in it has my anxiety on 10. I do want this person there , they are like a sister to me. How do I handle this without running a relationship especially when they have baby brain right now?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Heather, on November 24, 2021 at 6:43 PM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    Ordinarily I would have suggested to be firm on wanting a child free wedding but if you are having a destination wedding you do need to be considerate that she will have a young child that she may not feel comfortable leaving at home.

    If I were you, I would explain to her that you are not having children at your wedding and that it is nothing personal against her but that you want to be transparent with her about it, and that you will work with her to try and ensure that she is comfortable at the wedding, whether this be by helping her organise a sitter or something else.

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  • Janet
    Dedicated October 2018
    Janet ·
    • Flag
    Depending on how far the destination is for her, you may have to say our wedding is child free, I under If you can’t make it. Leaving a child at home for multiple days while you are not within drivable distance is a deal breaker for a lot of parents.


    You’re checking off two boxes that have the highest decline rates. Child free, and destination. Both are perfectly fine, but you have to accept that this may mean people you really want there can’t make it. Good luck!
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    It’s 100% okay to want a child free wedding, but with that comes the need to accept that some of your guests may decline, including this friend. I know I wouldn’t have traveled internationally without my children when they were that little, but I have friends that would have/did.
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  • JA
    Devoted March 2022
    JA ·
    • Flag

    Agree with those above, have it be child free, but understand she might decline. Also, it is far enough away that this isn't a really a conversation that needs to be had yet. Also, I know a LOT of parents who would be very excited to have a destination wedding where they leave their toddler with a relative for a few days haha. It seems like this really doesn't need to be decided or handled until closer to your date

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Does the friend have parents or in laws who can look after the child at home while she travels? Be firm on this because she needs to respect the boundaries you have set up and you come across as playing favorites if you tell one person they can bring their kids and everyone else that they can’t. That is a risk you take by having a wedding where everyone has to travel overseas, but part of parenting is finding a sitter when it is not appropriate for children to attend. If she doesn’t want to respect your choice, she can decline.
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  • Lexi
    Just Said Yes March 2024
    Lexi ·
    • Flag
    Thanks you ladies for all the input.❤ I now know how I can better go about handling this. Omg this wedding planning can be overwhelming, and I just started.
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Expert November 2021
    Heather ·
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    It definitely is overwhelming! Smiley ups I was for sure overwhelmed LOL! But I'm so glad everything worked out the day of.

    Just remember to take a break when needed. And do not be afraid to ask for help! And of course you definitely have wedding wire to help out in the discussion forums Smiley smile

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