No kid wedding except for our son and the three that are in the wedding. Is that rude?

Our wedding is also no kids. But we have four exceptions. They are our niece, nephew, and cousins. No one has been offended yet. I have even had a few parents tell me they are really excited for the wedding. They can enjoy themselves and not worry about their kids. Plus our wedding ends at 10:30 and there will be plenty of alcohol. It's really more for adults anyway. Plus so many of our friends have babies now. You wouldn't be able to hear the ceremony over the crying if they all came.

It’s very common to make exceptions to child free weddings for immediate family and kids in the wedding party. However, if any of those kids are the same category as other guests who aren’t allowed to bring their kids, that’s when it can start coming across as unfair. For example, if the flower girls are your nieces, no one should bat an eye and if they do that’s on them. If you’ve invited two college friends who both have kids, and the flower girls are the daughters of one but the other friend isn’t allowed to bring their kids, that’s where the hurt feelings/people thinking it’s unfair starts.

Traditionally, kids can be a category in and of themselves, but they don’t have to be if thst makes sense. You can properly make cuts by relationship if the goal is to avoid hurt feelings. Who are the other children in the bridal party? If for example they are nieces and a nephew and no other children that’s absolutely fine too. But if you include them and not other like related kids it may not be.


Likewise, if they are children of friends you may run into resentment from other friends or family. Wedding party children are really just wedding guests with a special role. The same advice applies as for adults. Cuts can be by relationship or age,

Personally I think any exceptions are rude to other guests who may want to bring children. We're not having ring bearers or flower girls because I don't think it's fair to invite some kids and not others, and I want a childfree wedding.

View Quoted Comment People can certainly choose to be offended by anything but that doesn’t mean it’s a breach of etiquette. Another example is age cut offs. It’s perfectly appropriate to limit invitations to kids over a certain age, but I can imagine families who have children above and below the age cut off who might not be happy with a divided family invitation or for whom it wouid pose difficulties. Bottom line is an invitation is not a command appearance.

I do think it’s a good idea to use common sense in certain situations that are not accounted for by etiquette, but the point of guidelines like these are to prevent causing offense in the first place. If anyone had an issue with the fact that we limited child guests to close family I could live with that with a clear conscience. In my own circles it's almost universal practice.

This is a know your crowd thing. Some families and social circles view weddings as family events and that includes the entire family, not adults only with some exceptions. Some families are so against the loopholes and exceptions that they may bar the couple from future family gatherings and/or cut off ties. In the case that someone arrives and they were told to find childcare but another guest has children in attendance who was told they told they don’t have to follow the same rules, they will be offended and they also will never say a word to the couple, contrary to popular belief, so the couple firmly believes that everyone is happy across the board with the rules set in place. If the guests are offended, their feelings are valid and they are not in the wrong unless they make a scene calling out the couple in public which will not happen. The only time we have seen this type of thing work out positively and not create irreparable rifts where only select children are invited is when the vast majority of adults are not parents of any age range.

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To rehash, "know your crowd" sounds good, but only opens up a can of worms when everyone has a different opinion. Not every child is related to the couple in the same way. In this case it's like saying your second cousins have every right to be offended that first cousins were invited and they weren't.

Feelings are certainly feelings, and opinions can differ, but when they are based on having a less than full understanding and appreciation for widely accepted custom and practice they can also be counterproductive and dysfunctional.

View Quoted Comment To clarify, is the situation at hand creating or avoiding a setting where the put is put in to an awkward uncomfortable interaction? If it creates awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings, it is generally considered a breach of etiquette because that is why etiquette exists, to avoid those awkward scenarios. Is it an option for the guests to decline the invitation? Also yes, but often they are not made aware of something that may be offensive to them until they have arrived, which is too late to decline.

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But "avoiding uncomfortable feelings and awkwardness" is subjective and open to wildly different interpretations. The etiquette advice is what I've mentioned. You can have a child free wedding, you can invite all children, or you can invite some children according to relationship or age with the hope that it should not offend people if you are consistent.

If the only children allowed are in the wedding ceremony, I think that is truly fine. If you allow other exceptions, completely random exceptions, then I think that would lead to hurt feelings.

Good luck!!! I know it will work out fine

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Thank you! That makes me feel a lot better about it. We will also have 4 kids but it's are son and the other 3 are in the wedding. I wasm thinking about the guests who have kids might be happy to have nice evening out without them. Our wedding will also have alcohol and a lot of our friends are partiers.

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Thank you and that definitely makes sense and a good way to look at it. And yes, they are one is our son, the ring bearer and two flower girls (their mom is my MOH too).

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Thank you and yeah that totally makes sense. Yeah, one is our son and the other 3 are our nephew and two nieces. They are also the ring bearer and flower girls.

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Thank you so much. That helps a lot. The kids that are coming are our son (whose walking me down the aisle) and the other 3 are the ring bearer and two flower girls. And that is also something to consider, that I didn't think about is an age cut off.

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I totally understand that. And that's why I have thought about not asking them because that may seem rude. We do have one absolute exception and that is our son and I'm hoping people will understand that.

It’s totally acceptable to have the only children in attendance be the WP members. Question though… will the children be staying for the reception also? Or just the ceremony? You mentioned that you wanted your guests who are parents to have the night off to party, but if the children also attend the reception, that means those parents (and likely grandparents) won’t have that same freedom. It would probably be best to either hire a babysitter to care for the children in a separate area or arrange for the children to be picked up after the ceremony or after the reception dinner. Otherwise you will be placing parents of those children in the exact situation you say you are trying to avoid placing others. You also run the risk of having to play babysitter yourself at your own wedding. Plus, kids get bored, tired and cranky at weddings.

Unless you have other nieces and nephews who were not invited, no one has any legitimate etiquette grounds upon which to be offended.

I don’t think it’s rude. This is exactly what I did. I have two step kids that were in the wedding and I wasn’t going to just make them leave (they were almost teenagers anyways) so them and my ring barrer were at my reception as well. People will get butt hurt but it’s ur wedding and those kids were apart of the wedding to begin with.