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Savvy September 2020

No Kid Drama

Elizabeth, on February 5, 2020 at 6:20 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 25

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Okay ladies, tell me if I'm crazy or if I have the right to feel the way I do. My fiance's parents are guardians of his 4yo nephew, and will be traveling about 6 hours to our wedding. We have a strict no kid policy for the wedding, but his mom is insisting on bringing his nephew to the wedding. She said if we don't want him there then we need to find a babysitter for them to screen, which obviously works in their favor because they never visit us and would never have a chance to meet the babysitter beforehand. I have so much built up anger and resentment about this whole situation. Anyone I know and trust is already invited to the wedding. I hate to run the risk of them deciding last minute that they don't approve of the sitter, and then the child will be around while I'm getting ready, through the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, and reception. They keep threatening that they just won't come if we don't find them a sitter. Oh, also the sitter has to be CPR certified and have at least a 4yr degree in early childhood education. I would love some advice.

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25 Comments

Latest activity by Kelsi, on February 6, 2020 at 4:41 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 5, 2020 at 6:25 PM
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All of my sitters(except my parents) have a degree in childcare and all including my parents have been CPR certified so I don’t think those are outrageous requests. I would look on care.com and see if there’s anyone in your area and then send profiles to his parents or anyone who fits the criteria.
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Savvy September 2020
Elizabeth · on February 5, 2020 at 6:27 PM
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We suggested this, but she doesn't want anyone that we don't personally know. I'm really at a loss here.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 5, 2020 at 6:28 PM
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I would just let them know that everyone you know will be attending the wedding but you’d be happy to help them find someone else. And then just tell them you understand if they can’t make it.
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Beginner October 2020
Brittany · on February 5, 2020 at 6:29 PM
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It's not your responsibility to have to find them a babysitter, it's theirs. That is what it means to be a parent and what they signed up for when they took guardianship. They need to respect your wishes. I have a feeling this is an empty threat for manipulation purposes and that's not ok.
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Savvy September 2020
Elizabeth · on February 5, 2020 at 6:29 PM
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I feel the same way.
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Dedicated January 2021
Brittany · on February 5, 2020 at 6:32 PM
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I don't think it's awful they want help looking, but requiring it to be someone you personally know is a bit much. Would they be happy if you in person interviewed someone you found online once so you could confirm they are who they say they are?
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on February 5, 2020 at 7:20 PM
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Well said Brittany!
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Savvy April 2021
Jessica · on February 5, 2020 at 7:24 PM
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You aren't wrong for feeling that way. It is your special day. If they aren't will to find someone then they just cant make it. You've done enough work with planning and paying for your wedding no need to add any extra expenses that wasnt apart of your original plan. If they can't make it then be understanding. They may still send you a gift. Are you streaming or getting a video of your wedding? If so post it on your wedding website so they can still watch from home you and your husband say the "I Do's"
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on February 5, 2020 at 7:26 PM
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I think they need to be reminded that this is a wedding, not a family reunion. And not all events are appropriate for children. Since you have already graciously offered to find them a sitter that meets their criteria through care.com or something of the like, I would let them know that is the best you are able to do, and although they will be missed if they choose not to come, you completely understand and respect their decision (just like they should be respecting your decision to have a child free wedding!). Personally, I think they are being rude by not respecting the wishes of the couple who the event is about.
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Devoted October 2020
Crystal · on February 5, 2020 at 8:17 PM
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I would put it on them. If they can’t take the responsibility then RSVP no. Why can’t they find a sitter they personally know?
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Champion November 2016
LB · on February 5, 2020 at 9:05 PM
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Maybe I'm the outlier, but shouldn't your FHs brother (even if hes biologically his nephew) be invited?
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Savvy September 2020
Elizabeth · on February 5, 2020 at 10:10 PM
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We've asked, and haven't heard back. I'm hoping so!
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Savvy September 2020
Elizabeth · on February 5, 2020 at 10:11 PM
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Unfortunately, we aren't getting a video of the wedding. Streaming is a good idea!
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Savvy September 2020
Elizabeth · on February 5, 2020 at 10:12 PM
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This is exactly how I feel!!
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Savvy September 2020
Elizabeth · on February 5, 2020 at 10:13 PM
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Exactly! She says everyone she trusts will be at the wedding. But so will all of the people I know and trust! I just can't win.
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Savvy September 2020
Elizabeth · on February 5, 2020 at 10:16 PM
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No, we decided together no kids under age 18. Also, his nephew was born while he was away at college, so they aren't very close (sounds sad, but just being honest). They've always lived multiple hours apart.
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Savvy April 2021
Jessica · on February 5, 2020 at 10:20 PM
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I would definitely recommend it. I'm doing it for my wedding because I know everyone wont be able to make it. This way they don't miss the I Do's
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Champion November 2016
LB · on February 5, 2020 at 10:25 PM
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I guess I find age an arbitrary cut off and preferred to make that decision based on relationship. Different strokes...
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Savvy September 2020
Elizabeth · on February 5, 2020 at 10:27 PM
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It was more so that if his parents attend the wedding, they can be fully present, and not chasing a toddler.
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 5, 2020 at 11:06 PM
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I would treat him like a brother or sister of the groom. And whether you have most kids as guests, or only adults, the children of the Bride and Groom, or brothers and sisters ( including foster or adopted siblings, or step bro and sis living with parents,) are always, always invited. Though often the very young stay only for the ceremony, and through dinner, then going off with a caretaker/ babysitter before the adult conversation, dancing or drinking. I am amazed you have not automatically considered him immediate family, and invited him .
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