🙅No Hugging🙅

It’s your personal space you have 100% say who gets to enter it. I don’t understand how or why people think they have access to anyone’s body. Stay firm.

Nope. Some families may see contact as fairly normal, but I'm like you and I really don't like to hug. Just explain that you're really not comfortable with hugging because you weren't raised that way or you just don't really hug. Then promise you'll work on it. As tempting as it is to just keep pushing him away, you gotta admit they will be your family lol. And hopefully everyone can come to a compromise. Though like, if I don't offer a hug then don't expect one from me. I like my distance lol

Nope. You don't have to hug anyone you don't want to. He's the one causing issues if he refuses to respect your personal space. And your MIL should realize that. Speaking of which... where's your fiance in all this? If it's his brother then he needs to say something! It shouldn't be up to you to talk to his family, he should be sticking up for you. "She has personal reasons" should be more than enough of a reason. If they really can't get it through their heads, then just make something up. I know it feels stupid to cater to them for being so disrespectful, but in the end do we want results or do we want to make a statement? If your bottom line is him not hugging you then make up whatever you need to keep him away. Pain. Trauma. Whatever. They don't need to know the details.

That being said, some people are untrainable. So you may end up just needing to manage the situation. When you know he's coming or leaving, make the first move and shove your hand out. Say you've got a cold. Get your hands full with carrying something. Sneak into the bathroom. Wait until everyone is seated before walking in. I know it's dumb to have to cater to others, but if it's that big of a deal to you and they're being petty... :/

Nope not rude at all. There are only a few of my own relatives that I will hug. With the future in-laws it’s been such a long running joke of not hugging, that it’s the norm. I probably wont change that lol.

I’m with you. I don’t like hugging either and only hug those I’m close with. You’re definitely not being rude.

I think it's totally fine to make it clear to them all that you're not a hugger! Lots of people don't like hugging, especially with people they're not personally close with. If your FBIL can't respect your boundaries, then he's the one causing issues. There's no reason you can't all get along without having to hug it out!

I don’t like when people I’m not close to hug me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Setting personal boundaries is important and you have every right to stand by those boundaries. It’s only healthy!

Social distancing!!! Everybody is doing it and should have to accept it. Besides, I don’t understand why someone who has done you dirty before wants to hug you at all. Hold firm.

She and her son have no respect for your personal space and you have nothing to be sorry for. If any apologies must be made, start with how you're sorry she and her son can't understand basic social constructs.

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I don't agree she should "promise she'll work it." She does not have to let anyone touch her if she doesn't want to be touched, end of story. No need to lie about "working on it." No means NO. They'll keep trying to impose their will on every detail of her life they don't like.

If they can't accept that, tough beans.

The only rude thing is these people not respecting your boundaries. At this point, I say embarrass him by firmly stating "NO." along with a big step back the next time he tries to hug you. If they ask for explanation, just tell them that they already know you are not a hugger and ask them to please respect your boundaries.

Then ignore any further conversation about it, and continue those actions every time they try. Eventually they'll get embarrassed enough to stop trying.

I would not normally suggest going the route of intentionally embarrassing someone but they have made this an issue and need to learn to respect your choice. It doesn't sound like anything less would get through to them.

It is rude for anyone to be expected to get within less than arm's length of anyone who is not an intimate friend or family. Your FMIL is out of line. So are all these near strangers who expect to hug and kiss. The only good thing I can see coming out of corona is a new awareness, don't breech people's personal space. It has always been the recommended thing in etiquette/ good manners, not to hug and kiss people you are not personally close to, and to hold off others with a quickly extended hand. This air kissing and hug everyone started as a TV and Celebrity thing. I wish it would die. Liking someone does not mean you want bodily contact. Disliking someone, you want at least 5-6 feet, always.

I have a similar situation with FBIL. As the years went by, I realized what type of person he is, given the fact his wife was not a very nice person. Let’s say they are very unethical and take advantage of any situation for financial gains. FH and his family know how they are. Except that’s their family, so you know how that goes. It was about a 1.5 years ago, I decided that I didn’t want him to hug me anymore. Plus, he’s really touchy, like he’ll put his whole hand on back and start rubbing or put his whole weight on my body and squish my boobs. FH has another brother and we do the side hug and I’m ok with that. I first started with a hi wave and one day I accidentally said “Don’t touch me”, when he put his whole hand on my back. I think he’s got the message. FH’s mom always say that she wants her everyone to get along, but she wants to live in fantasy land.

Hugging is good .But in present situations avoid..ha ha

good morning wishes for her