No gifts from in-laws side

Unless they say something about you not gettingtheir gift, I would just send the "thanks for joining/celebrating the day with us"

Yeah, you really can’t say anything since gifts are not an obligation. And since the siblings were in your party, they’re definitely off the hook for gifts (a lot still do, of course, but that’s just being generous). So really it’s just the family friends. Did they travel from out of state? Out of state guests are also less expected to bring gifts than in-state guests. With all that being said, you did host them for an evening and it’s totally valid on your part to judge internally. Like you, I would also never show up to a wedding empty handed regardless of the circumstances. But like you said, at the end of the day gifts are not to be expected, and since a lot of these guests fell within categories where gifts are even less expected, you kind of just have to vent quietly to your new husband if you want but ultimately suck it up.

Don’t say anything. Not everyone was taught the same etiquette so what may be common for your family will be unheard of in someone else’s family, and some people simply don’t care and view etiquette, which is the art of intentionally avoiding awkward and uncomfortable social interactions between humans to be irrelevant and/or outdated, to not apply to them at all. Guests have 12 months from the wedding day to give a gift if they choose to. You don’t know someone’s financial situation or intentions.

IMO I would never expect a gift from someone in my wedding party. Being in a wedding party (purchasing/renting attire, probably spending more money for non-obligatory wedding party expenses, etc.) is more than enough of a gift. Extra gifts on top of the $$$ spent to be in someone's wedding party is not the norm in my social circle. Maybe it is in yours? Personally, I would feel super guilty accepting an additional gift from someone who already spent a lot of money to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.

As for the family friends of your husband's parents, that is bizarre and a big faux-pas. You could have your husband mention something to his parents

Traditionally, wedding party does give a wedding gift, either individually or as a group. But if they have already spent a great deal on pre-wedding events, dresses and accessories, accomodations, transportation either by choice or because the couple had unreasonable expectations, their contribution to the wedding can be considered their gift.


Likewise, the parent’s’ contribution to the wedding is more than generous. Anything else is completely optional. Regarding the family friends, it depends. While wedding gifts are customary, and it’s most ideal to mail them ahead of time, they ( not thank you notes, that’s a myth) can be sent up to a year later, for example if finances are temporarily tight. Was your wedding destination, either for everyone or for them, by any chance?
Is it possible MIL has them or even took them(?!). Under the circumstances I think H can ask his mother if there were any other envelopes she remembers collecting.
With those exceptions, etiquette says thank you notes are for gifts, not attendance only. The latter risks being seen as a passive aggressive reminder that the guest never gave you anything.

I would be hurt. There is very little expense in giving a card. I would never imagine attending a wedding without a gift of some kind. It all seems very strange. Nonetheless, I don’t think bringing it up to MIL is a good idea. Your husband could bring it up with his mom without much risk. I think you will find out someday… somehow, someway

If they were WP and bought attire, etc., you actually gift them at the rehearsal dinner. You gift caregivers as well.

Also, if his family were integral in wedding planning as you say, they may have even considered themselves co-hosts and therefore, would not gift you.

As for family friends, that is strange. H can ask his Mom, but never you. If you did, you would be forever known as a greedy outsider, or worse marrying for $.

This is certainly an odd coincidence. I was going to guess maybe your mom said something to them? Either way, I wouldn't bring it up but I can understand your confusion and disappointment (in not even receiving a congrats card).

The expectation for at least a “card” is bizarre to me, as many times as I’ve seen that opinion, Written notes with well wishes are expected when someone can’t attend. A gift, mostly properly sent ahead of time but acceptable within a year, is what is customary, Greeting cards attached to gifts to identify them can contain beautiful sentiments, but they are not obligatory by themselves. Attending in person to share well wishes is considered more personal than a card on its own.

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This is like showing up to a dinner party empty-handed. It is polite to at least bring a card to send thanks. I guess it depends on what you consider proper manners but showing up to any hosted event empty-handed (or without sending a gift ahead of time) is simply rude.

View Quoted Comment It’s the gift that is considered customary, not a card. Believe it or not, traditional etiquette only requires reciprocity for hospitality. That said, I would never show up empty handed either.