No gift from bridesmaid. Thank you card question updated

Could you say something like, 'As always, the greatest gift was having you there with us on our wedding day' so it sounds like you're still thanking her for SOMETHING?

And how much exactly did she spend on your wedding? Dress? Shoes? Hair? Makeup? Travel? Bachelorette? Just how much is enough?

If the card was from your aunt, you write it to your aunt. The reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony and I assume you got your cousin a gift as a thank you for being a BM. Writing a card past that can seem passive-aggressive, like you're calling her out for not bringing a gift.

ETA: clarity

Is it safe to presume you already thanked her for being in the wedding party? If so, you owe her no further thanks.

I did get her a bridesmaid gift and wrote a thank you card for her being in the wedding. It just boggles me that she didn’t give us a card on our wedding day. Yes she bought a dress and flew up here. (Didn’t come to bachelorette party, fine) and did hair & make up so yes she spent money. It just strikes me as odd, my cousin didn’t give us a card at all. This is the cousin that sends post cards every time she goes to a new country because she knows I like pretty post cards. And we did hold mail and only got a small pile when we returned. I guess if she did mail us something and it isnt cashed she’ll reach out to me. I still want to thank her for all her help the day off. So just word it like that? Thank you for being with us, it meant a lot you still flew up, etc?

@Nikki - no I’m honestly trying to word a thank you card. My family always made me write thank you’s to everyone who came to a party gift or not. But I don’t want to to sound like I’m asking where her gift is. Maybe I do just skip it.

Yes, the thank you card is for the gift so if she didn't get you one, you don't have to write her a thank you card.

My bridesmaids didn't get me gifts. They spent a ton on wedding events because they wanted me to have them, that's gift enough. I wrote them a heartfelt letter with their gifts before the wedding thanking them. Anything else from you right now comes off very passive aggressive like a pp said.

I'd ask your aunt if she mentioned that she did send a card?

Like was it one card? Did your cousin sign it? Maybe your aunt didn't sent it who knows

You can thank her for coming so far for your wedding and say how happy you were that she was a part of your wedding. I don't think that sounds inherently passive aggressive. But as PP have said, you don't have to send a thank you note. If you included a note with the gift you gave your cousin I would skip it since it would be redundant.

My own IL's did not even give us a card for our wedding, I feel your pain, but send a general thank you note like first poster said. She dropped a lot of cash to be IN the wedding so she deserves a note of thanks

Clearly there are "card" people and then there are those who are, um, more optional about it.

I would ask you aunt if the card was from both of them since tour cousin said the aunt was sending the card. Maybe the aunt forgot to put the cousins name on it. But do not send a thank you it will seem like you are being rude

If it's just a card with kind words, just let it go. If it's a card with money in it, you should mention something. I'd want to know if a check I mailed didn't make it, so I could put a stop payment on it.

Etiquette is that you only write a thank you card for a gift or card received. Anything else comes across as gift fishing.

I didn't expect my bridesmaids to get me gifts, their being in the wedding and supporting me through the day of stress was enough for me.

We had a few members of our bridal party not get us gifts, they spent money to be in the wedding so we totally understood, no biggie just let it go. If you already thanked her and gave a gift then I would say that's fine

You already gave her a Thank You card for being in your wedding. That's all you give her. Anything more is excessive.

You send a Thank You card to the aunt (and or whoever else signed that card).

I don't find it at all baffling that a member of the bridal party wouldn't send a gift. There are lots of posts on here with people wondering if they should in that situation. Gifts are always nice but never expected. She sounds a little rude based on that shower comment, but she doesn't owe you a gift and should get some credit for what she spent to stand with you (which she did, in your bridal party thank yous)

It sounds like the text was just letting you know that her mom forgot to leave her card and she would mail it. She did, you received it. MAYBE she expects her mom's gift to cover her too, but if only the Mom signed the card, only the Mom needs to be addressed in the Thank You

I had a BM who also didn't give a gift at the wedding (but she had planned my bachelorette amazingly, brought gifts to showers, and is unemployed right now so funds are tight). like you i gave her a thank you card as part of her BM gift. i think you've done enough.