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Beginner August 2023

No friends to enjoy this with

Genevieve, on October 11, 2021 at 11:47 PM Posted in Planning 1 8

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I never really had friends growing up, I don't know why but for some reason making friends has always been hard for me. Despite never having friends I always figured I would have friends by the time I get married, now I've been engaged 2 months and I moved to a new state a month ago with my fiancé and I'm starting to realize that it is unlikely I will make any friends in time to have bridesmaids or a MOH or a bridal shower or bachelorette party or any of it. My FH has lots of friends he plans to include/invite to the wedding, most of them he has been able to stay connected with over the years because of online gaming. Where as when a friend of mine moves away we typically drift apart. He feels guilty that our guest list will be made up primarily of his family and friends. I have family but there is so much family drama going on right now that I hesitate to invite anyone but my immediate family. I don't want him to give up his best man and groomsmen just because I don't have anyone to ask but I also feel immensely lonely, I want to have people I can celebrate with, people that will throw me a shower or a bachelorette party, someone to stand up with me and get ready with me the morning of, but more than likely I wont have anyone. The loneliness makes me want to chuck the whole wedding, but I've missed out on a lot of life's special moments and I regret missing them all, I don't want to give up my wedding too. A girl at work is planning her wedding too and hearing her talk about all the friends she has as bridesmaids and how her guest list is 3x the length of mine makes me just want to cry. I know the wedding is about me and my FH and it doesn't matter who else is there, but with him being so disinterested in the planning and everything it would really be nice to have someone else to help me and celebrate with me.

I guess I really just needed to vent a little, I don't really have a question but I needed to get it all off my chest, it's really hard acting like I don't mind not having any friends at the wedding all the time, but I just don't want all the pity from my fiancé and family.

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Latest activity by Genevieve, on October 15, 2021 at 3:53 PM

Devoted September 2020
I_Do_Too · on October 12, 2021 at 12:41 AM
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I totally empathize. I have one friend attending our wedding which we are traveling cross country for. My fiance has many childhood friends and family attending. I was actually very sad that the people I that I invited declined. I’m sorry. Have you voiced your feelings to your fiance?
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Beginner August 2023
Genevieve · on October 12, 2021 at 1:02 AM
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I have but when I do he suggests just eloping or a courthouse wedding or not inviting his friends. And I dont want to lose out on the whole wedding just because I have no friends but I dont feel good about having a wedding without friends either. Its just an impossible situation because I'm not capable of having what I want but all the compromises just make me feel worse about it. There doesnt seem to be a good solution. I can't afford to pay for friends.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on October 12, 2021 at 8:17 AM
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First of all, don’t feel so bad! With your move, it’s not surprising you haven’t made friends yet. There were several times in life where I had few or no friends (high school to college transition, college to first job, I made a few great friends at my first job but lost touch at various points with them—it took work on both sides to reconnect and stay in touch).

While we had a local reception, we had a small destination wedding with only 15 guests—mostly family. My husband only had 1 friend there. Three couples were my friends who my hubby met and liked. So he considered them “our friends” because they were supporting both of us. Can you do the same? That may help! Consider his friends who you like your friends too. And we had a great time with 15 guests. No dancing or DJ. It was like a big loud dinner party. We both loved it.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on October 12, 2021 at 8:24 AM
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Oh! I forgot to share, we didn’t have a wedding party, but it would have been fine if he wanted his brother as best man. I got ready with my mom and sister, that was nice. I was kinda bummed looking at all the wedding magazines I would have those “bridesmaids getting ready” pics, popping champagne and all laughing with me, but I think those moments are way hyped by the wedding industry. Not having a wedding party = no extra stress, drama of costs for anyone. And I knew the most important photos (and the ones I’d hang in our home) would be the two of us. I hope that helps! 🤗 And you come can here and share all your wedding plans with us!
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Super August 2022
Samantha · on October 12, 2021 at 9:31 AM
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First of all, I hear you on the making and keeping friends when you've moved away thing. My FH keeps in touch with people he knows from childhood and high school and his year on exchange, and I feel like I can barely keep up with the people I've known for two years. We moved about a year ago and I've made two friends, but I wouldn't called them best friends. So, just know you're not alone in that and that making grown up gal pal friends is so hard 😭 But, as has been said before, you can always come gush with us about your wedding!!
As for the men your FH wants to include: I think he still totally can. He can get ready with them and have a bachelor party and take pictures with them, but what I'd actually recommend is maybe skipping the bridal party at your ceremony. OR you could have just your parents stand with your or something. My dad has 3 brothers and my mom has 3 sisters and they both had tons of friends (ugh, what a nice problem to have), so my mom's MOH was her mom, and my dad's BM was his dad. They were the only ones who stood up with them. So there are options where your FH can include them but it won't look uneven or call attention to the fact that you don't have the same representation.
Also my understanding is that it's totally normal for the guest list to not be split 50/50, so don't worry too much about that! My FH only has his nuclear family stateside, and as mentioned before I have lots of aunts and uncles. Before we decided to have a destination small-ish wedding, our guest list was almost 80% me and 20% him. Now it's much closer to 50/50.
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Dedicated October 2023
Melissa · on October 13, 2021 at 4:19 PM
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Have you joined some local fb groups? It can be a great way to meet lots of people! Maybe one will blossom into an amazing friendship or two!
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Devoted January 2022
Amber · on October 15, 2021 at 12:12 PM
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I totally understand too. I have like 6 friends and half of them are out of state. And I feel like if I talk about wedding stuff a lot, I’ll be annoying to them. FH’s guest list is 5x mine. I don’t know what state you’re in, but I’m definitely down to chat whenever.
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Beginner August 2023
Genevieve · on October 15, 2021 at 3:53 PM
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Thats a good idea, I will definitely look into local FB groups
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