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Madelynn
Beginner May 2021

No children policy at our wedding, but officiant just had a baby.

Madelynn, on March 1, 2021 at 7:40 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 32
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Hi guys! I have put on my details card to “please leave children 6 y/o and younger at home”. Our officiant just messaged us and said that his wife is still nursing and they can’t leave their child at home. I have been to weddings where babies cry during the ceremony and the children aren’t taken out. I just wanted little kids not there. But my fiancé doesn’t want anyone else to perform our ceremony. I’m not sure if I should make an exception for them or not. what’s your opinion?

32 Comments

Latest activity by Ceb, on March 2, 2021 at 10:18 PM
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna Online ·
    • Flag

    Is your officiant a family member/friend or someone you hired? If it's somebody that you hired, then her request to bring her baby is extremely unprofessional in my opinion and I'd stand my ground. If this is not a vendor who you will be paying, then the situation is somewhat trickier...

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  • Madelynn
    Beginner May 2021
    Madelynn ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    It’s a pastor that my fiancé grew up with. Which is the only reason why it’s tricky.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag

    Unless it's a relative/friend, this is not an issue. Have a setup similar to houses of worship where there is a cry room for parents with speakers so they can watch/listen. Then the tricky part is the reception.

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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner Online ·
    • Flag
    I’d tell them straight up if the baby screams to take the baby out immediately. My sister used to be THAT person with her child and I refused to go places with them. Its so obnoxious and so unaware
    • Reply
  • Madelynn
    Beginner May 2021
    Madelynn ·
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    It’s a church pastor my fiancé grew up with Smiley sad
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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
    • Flag

    Is there a reason his wife needs to attend? Couldn't just the pastor attend? I will say babies are generally an exception to the no child rule because they are breastfeeding and therefore rely on their mom.

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  • Madelynn
    Beginner May 2021
    Madelynn ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    My sister’s ceremony was ruined by a crying baby and the parents wouldn’t take her out. I just don’t want that. I know my fiancé wants this pastor to marry us, but I wanted to be firm on my no child policy.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2020
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Hi Madelynn, I’m sorry your pastor and his wife put you on the spot like that. A few ideas off the top of my head is suggest a grandparent could stay at the hotel nearby to watch the baby between feedings or if you have a videographer planned, they cannot edit out crying babies on the video’s audio (which is true, not a lie) and thus why you are not able to bend the rules.
    I can sympathize with the new mom and breastfeeding doesn’t appear easy at all, however, she may need to sit this one out to be with her little one and her husband only come. It is your wedding and you deserve to have your wishes respected. ❤️
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag

    If he is invited as a friend, his wife is automatically invited. If he is hired as a vendor, then wife stays home and neither attend reception.

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna Online ·
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    Hmm that is a bit trickier. Does his wife have to come though? Can she not stay home with the baby? I completely agree I would NOT want to risk a crying baby during the ceremony

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  • Ava
    Super May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    I don’t understand why the wife is attending the ceremony. When you hire someone to provide a service at your wedding, their SO is not invited.
    • Reply
  • Madelynn
    Beginner May 2021
    Madelynn ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Because it’s his pastor’s wife. He grew up with both of them. They were all close.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    If you are paying him then I see it as a business deal and I'd tell him that the mother and baby need to stay home if the baby can't be watched by a relative. If he is doing it for free as a friend and also invited as a guest then you have to decide whats more important him being the officiant or sticking with the no kids under 6 rule. If you are dead set on no kids then you might want to talk to your fiance about possibly finding someone else. But remember it's his wedding as well and he does get a say.
    • Reply
  • S
    Devoted November 2021
    Sara ·
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    I agree with this advice completely

    • Reply
  • N
    Beginner October 2022
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
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    I agree. I also intend to have a child-free wedding but I think you just kind of have to make exceptions for newborns. I think other people will understand. Since your officient and wife are also friends, I don't think you have much choice other than to hope they're respectful during the ceremony.
    • Reply
  • Apryl
    Dedicated March 2022
    Apryl ·
    • Flag
    I think your FH should broach the subject with your officiant. Express your concerns and ask that she sits somewhere where she can quickly and smoothly dip out if the baby starts to cry.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Super October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    You’d think a pastor would have figured this out by now, good lord.
    It seems like he’s pretty much telling you to deal, and isn’t even considering that his wife doesn’t need to be there. She’s probably sick of weddings if he can’t do them without her. .
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2021
    Katie ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Absolutely agree. This is the issue with hiring family/friends versus hiring professionals. A professional would never and should never in so many words tell you to deal with their wife bringing the baby to a no kids wedding. They wouldn't have neither there and shouldn't. But when it's family/friends even when you are paying them they lack professionalism. They think because they know you guys they can demand things. But I feel like no matter who you are paying rather it be a professional or family/friend they should still be held to a professional standard. And the professional standard says that his baby not be at the wedding and if that means the wife can't come so be it. I'm sure he would never even question another couple hiring him for their wedding on this matter, but he is demanding with you guys that his baby be at the wedding.


    This is why I don't do business with friends and family because all the professionalism goes out the window.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Also to add why would he want his newborn and wife who just gave birth at a wedding during a pandemic. Both should be home for their own safety.
    • Reply
  • Tory
    Devoted May 2022
    Tory ·
    • Flag
    I personally don’t see why they couldn’t have someone watch the baby for a couple of hours and feed her from a bottle, but I understand a lot of new parents are weary about leaving their newborn
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