No children policy at our wedding, but officiant just had a baby.

Is your officiant a family member/friend or someone you hired? If it's somebody that you hired, then her request to bring her baby is extremely unprofessional in my opinion and I'd stand my ground. If this is not a vendor who you will be paying, then the situation is somewhat trickier...

View Quoted Comment It’s a pastor that my fiancé grew up with. Which is the only reason why it’s tricky.

Unless it's a relative/friend, this is not an issue. Have a setup similar to houses of worship where there is a cry room for parents with speakers so they can watch/listen. Then the tricky part is the reception.

I’d tell them straight up if the baby screams to take the baby out immediately. My sister used to be THAT person with her child and I refused to go places with them. Its so obnoxious and so unaware

View Quoted Comment It’s a church pastor my fiancé grew up with

Is there a reason his wife needs to attend? Couldn't just the pastor attend? I will say babies are generally an exception to the no child rule because they are breastfeeding and therefore rely on their mom.

View Quoted Comment My sister’s ceremony was ruined by a crying baby and the parents wouldn’t take her out. I just don’t want that. I know my fiancé wants this pastor to marry us, but I wanted to be firm on my no child policy.

Hi Madelynn, I’m sorry your pastor and his wife put you on the spot like that. A few ideas off the top of my head is suggest a grandparent could stay at the hotel nearby to watch the baby between feedings or if you have a videographer planned, they cannot edit out crying babies on the video’s audio (which is true, not a lie) and thus why you are not able to bend the rules.
I can sympathize with the new mom and breastfeeding doesn’t appear easy at all, however, she may need to sit this one out to be with her little one and her husband only come. It is your wedding and you deserve to have your wishes respected. ❤️

If he is invited as a friend, his wife is automatically invited. If he is hired as a vendor, then wife stays home and neither attend reception.

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Hmm that is a bit trickier. Does his wife have to come though? Can she not stay home with the baby? I completely agree I would NOT want to risk a crying baby during the ceremony

I don’t understand why the wife is attending the ceremony. When you hire someone to provide a service at your wedding, their SO is not invited.

View Quoted Comment Because it’s his pastor’s wife. He grew up with both of them. They were all close.

If you are paying him then I see it as a business deal and I'd tell him that the mother and baby need to stay home if the baby can't be watched by a relative. If he is doing it for free as a friend and also invited as a guest then you have to decide whats more important him being the officiant or sticking with the no kids under 6 rule. If you are dead set on no kids then you might want to talk to your fiance about possibly finding someone else. But remember it's his wedding as well and he does get a say.

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I agree with this advice completely

View Quoted Comment I agree. I also intend to have a child-free wedding but I think you just kind of have to make exceptions for newborns. I think other people will understand. Since your officient and wife are also friends, I don't think you have much choice other than to hope they're respectful during the ceremony.

I think your FH should broach the subject with your officiant. Express your concerns and ask that she sits somewhere where she can quickly and smoothly dip out if the baby starts to cry.

You’d think a pastor would have figured this out by now, good lord.
It seems like he’s pretty much telling you to deal, and isn’t even considering that his wife doesn’t need to be there. She’s probably sick of weddings if he can’t do them without her. .

View Quoted Comment Absolutely agree. This is the issue with hiring family/friends versus hiring professionals. A professional would never and should never in so many words tell you to deal with their wife bringing the baby to a no kids wedding. They wouldn't have neither there and shouldn't. But when it's family/friends even when you are paying them they lack professionalism. They think because they know you guys they can demand things. But I feel like no matter who you are paying rather it be a professional or family/friend they should still be held to a professional standard. And the professional standard says that his baby not be at the wedding and if that means the wife can't come so be it. I'm sure he would never even question another couple hiring him for their wedding on this matter, but he is demanding with you guys that his baby be at the wedding.


This is why I don't do business with friends and family because all the professionalism goes out the window.

Also to add why would he want his newborn and wife who just gave birth at a wedding during a pandemic. Both should be home for their own safety.

I personally don’t see why they couldn’t have someone watch the baby for a couple of hours and feed her from a bottle, but I understand a lot of new parents are weary about leaving their newborn