No card from moh affecting relationship

Honestly, I'd try to focus on other things, the things that make your friendship good. You knew all along that she was a frugal person - and cards are *expensive* anymore! She may not even have thought to give just a card.

I think you need to let it go. You said "no gift", and I'm assuming she took you at your word. She attended your wedding, took her time to drive to the event, attended your shower, stood up for you in your wedding and posed for photos. Those are all meaningful acknowledgements of your union.

If a card is making you re-evaluate your friendship, then maybe there are deeper issues there.

Honestly once you absolved her from getting a gift, she probably wrote it out of her mind to bring anything. It’s okay to be hurt but try not to let it color your view of her if you love the rest of her!


My in laws are the most sentimental people on the planet. They keep EVERYTHING. I was shocked they didn’t give us a wedding card—and they are very wealthy and generous. I had 8 bridesmaids. Four did not give money or a card at our wedding. None were involved in planning my shower, and three of them gave gifts at that. Doesn’t affect my opinion of them at all.

Honestly because she's your "best friend" but didn't get you a card you're going to reevaluate your relationship?! The fact that she helped with 2 bridal showers and drove 5 hours to attend your wedding speaks volumes! Let it go!

I would not read into it too much if at all but it depends on your actual relationship. She sounds eccentric on her own but if that is truly her only flaw and it doesn’t bother you, I would let it go. However I’m not personally comfortable around people who are that stingy/frugal to the point of making themselves look entitled. What is your relationship like outside of that? Does the attitude associated with the frugality bother you in general? Or is it only due to the wedding?

She planned your bridal shower, that was a gift on its own. She didn’t have to do that, but she did. She also paid for attire, travel, probably lodging to be there for you and stand next to you on your day. And you’re evaluating your friendship? Please let it go.

I have yet to understand why couples here feel entitled to gifts and cards from anyone. Who cares?!?! Are you going to frame the thing? Isn’t their attendance and support more than enough? Are you going to stop being her friend because of this?


You knew she’s frugal and then you said ‘you don’t need to get us anything.’ So what we’re you expecting? If you wanted something, then you should have said so.

Does she normally give gifts?
I’m a gift person - it’s a real joy to me. But some people are indifferent or even hostile to giving gifts.
I would ask first ask yourself - would she give a gift to anyone else? If not, it’s just who she is. Now…she’s frugal, you know that. But, there’s frugal and then there’s cheap. I’ve known some cheap people and it can be hard to be friends with them - a person who is cheap will accept your hospitality, but not reciprocate. They are the one’s who order only water at brunch but ask to share your food so they don’t have to pay. You get the idea. If your friend is not merely frugal but cheap, this can just be the straw that broke the camels back. My fh lives FAR below his means. Partly because his work is writing, so it can be feast or famine, and partly because he comes from a Nordic minimalist culture. However, he is very generous to his loved ones. Your feelings are your feelings and are not right or wrong. But if this is her standard behavior, no card or gift for big occasions, expecting her to do something different will cause you to feel hurt.

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Thank you! That's really helpful. I think you hit it on the nail. My feeling is not really about a gift or card per say but moreso the gesture of it, I guess it has more to do with her "cheapness" in our relationship (how I tend to be the generous one) in general and how I didn't expect that to spill over to the wedding as well. Thanks for your insightful comment.

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome!

My sister, bridesmaid, got us a shower gift and card at the wedding. But other than that I don’t think we got anything from our bridal party. A gift from the bridal party isn’t typically expected. Their participation is usually enough.

You know your friend is very frugal and not a big gift giver. You went out of your way to tell her not to get you a gift. She generously hosted your shower (a gift). So yeah, get over it. Have some gratitude and realistic expectations.

Yes, I give gifts, and do parties. Buy only 2 time I can think of in 70+ ? Weddings have I ever brought a card when I was in the wedding party. And if you cannot tell she wishes you well by buying a dress and other BM things, and giving a shower, a, maybe your are being too picky. Your criticism of her personality makes it sound like you are not even friends.

I was raised knowing that you always bring a gift to weddings, birthdays and the like, and that even if the host says “no gifts” or “don’t bring anything” you still bring something to show your respect and appreciation. Adding to this, I take pride in picking gifts for people and love writing sentimental cards. With this in mind, I fully understand your expectations here and your feelings as I would probably be feeling the same way because I too take gift giving as a sign of love and appreciation.

Notwithstanding this, in the circumstances, I can understand why your friend didn’t give a gift or card. Not only does her attitude towards these things differ to yours, she was MOH and went to the effort of planning some events, and otherwise was told not to bring a gift. While I would have still at the very least written a card and gotten a smaller gift, to her, she has seen her part as being done.

I don’t think this is worth re-evaluating a friendship over nor do I even think it is worth a conversation as it will probably cause friction in what is otherwise a great friendship. Let your feelings out on the forum and move on from this without saying anything to her. Don’t let a small issue turn into a bump in the road.

I didn't even know bridal party didn't need to bring anything until this lol. When I was a MoH I did the whole she-bang.. Dresses, alterations, shower gift, plan and help paid the bach, wedding gift and makeup...not sure what I'd have done if the bride told me no gifts were necessary but if I were in your shoes, I'd recognize the differences in expectations and assess this in the context of her as a friend otherwise outside of wedding planning.

My FH and I drove across the country for a wedding he was in, with our card, and completely forgot it in our hotel room the day of the wedding. With everything else she was doing, she may have just forgotten the card. Or, she assumed that with everything she did a card wasn't completely necessary. I know you mention that you weren't expecting a gift from her, but you also mention multiple times that there were less expensive options and she could have DIY'd a gift... which makes it seem like you're upset she didn't get you anything. Weddings are a lot for people who are a part of them, be glad she's supported you during your wedding and try to look past the gifts.

Personally, I’m considering all of my bridesmaids gifts to be their time and money already spent on the bachelorette and dress, etc. If they give anything else then wonderful, but it makes no difference to me if they don’t. Some people really don’t have the gift-giving love language, when that’s the strong need for others which sounds like is the case here. I feel I fall in line with your friend, where I feel like cards are kind of kind of pointless and “fluff” so not providing one doesn’t sound like a big deal.

She threw you a bridal shower… do you have any idea how much that costs?!?! I’m sorry but you are coming across ungrateful. You also told her not to get you anything. My mom threw me a beautiful shower and it cost her easily around 2k after food and decorations and everything else. I was not expecting her to buy me a gift too (which she did). Your MOH is spending a ton of money I’m sure planning your shower, bachelorette weekend, her hotel, dress, shoes, makeup and hair to support you — shouldnt that be enough?

I think her MOH duties are gift enough! you did tell her "no gifts" and it seems like she took you at your word.