No bridesmaids!

Is she just looking to have you guys help with the wedding and planning?

If someone is a bridesmaid they stand up with the bride. The dresses do not have to match. Otherwise she would be a guest. There isn't really any in-between.

What exactly are her expectations out of them then?

So she wants to ask them to be guests? Seems odd, I would just send an invitation. She can ask them to get ready with her if she’d like.

One of my friends did something similar to this. Her husband was from another country and did not have any friends in the states yet. She did not want to have a bridal party standing up with her and him have no one. Me and 2 of our other friends were "honorary bridesmaids". Basically we all wore black dresses (of our choice), got ready together, and I believe we were mentioned in the programs.

It's honestly kind of dumb, but I understood due to their situation.

Look at old pictures, or wild west pictures. People who were well off had special dresses made. Otherwise, people would make a new dress that would be their best dress for church and things, but be worn as bridesmaid or maid of honor while new or nearly new. This matching special bridesmaid dresses for average people stuff did not happen till the 1950's. When average people only owned 3-6 dresses, and had to wear a dress until worn out or outgrown, who wanted a year of looking like 2 friends, same dress? Only rich or well off people could have matching dresses they never wore again. Have each bridesmaid dress in a favorite outfit. Does not have to be same color, but can be. Or all shades of a color. If you want a bridal party with no special bought dresses, do it. If they all have a little black dress, cocktail or maxi, or navy, that is fine too. Call them your bridesmaids. They can volunteer to do a party, or not. Don't let the fact that other people more often do BM in matching dresses, mean you all can not be a bouquet of gorgeous women in your own pretty things. And the bride the star.

For our wedding, my husband and I did not want a wedding party. About 4 months before our wedding we asked our sister ( we each have one only) if they'd be our maid of honor/best woman, they didn't stand with us nor did they match with each other. They did choose to wear one of the wedding colors we were using, I got ready with my mom and my sister as well as my aunt and two cousins and we had a blast. My sister and I are very close so I wanted to honor her in my special day as are my husband and sister in law. For the ceremony my husband escorted his mother to her chair, our sisters walked in behind them separately and sat by their boyfriends and then I walked down some stairs with my two male cousins who led/balanced and helped me with my dress to my mom who walked me to my husband. We gave them proposal boxes for x-mas and our wedding had been completely planned by that point. My sister did throw me bachelorette party in Vegas with our closest cousins and along with my mom and my god mother threw my hubby and I a coed wedding shower. Also my husbands best friend group all decided to rent matching suits to complement my husbands tux, it was super cute!

Maybe I got off target here, lol but even though we didn't have a traditional a wedding party we honored our closest people, got ready with the ones we wanted to and felt the love from everyone around us. Just to clarify we did consider a bridal party but at the end of the day figured that our family would be getting ready with us anyway so we already would have them there, to make it a little extra special we made proposal boxes for our sisters and gave our mothers roses during our ceremony.

My friend is actually in that situation right now where her bride designates them more like unofficial bridesmaids. they aren't going to buy specific dresses but they are attending and planning a bachelorette thing for and with her

I think I would specifically ask her about this because it seems really confusing. To me, you are either a bridesmaid/MOH or your not. It sounds like she wants more of a honorary MOH/bridesmaid, but I don't personally agree with that title.

I'm confused about what she would want you guys to do or how you would be separate from a regular guest? I wouldn't be too happy if I weren't a bridesmaid but were still expected to, say, plan the bachelorette party and help decorate.

I would ask her what exactly she wants. It could be that she still wants you to help out with the wedding like a bridesmaid does, but still not be a bridesmaid. Or she's giving you a title, but not insisting you do the nuts and bolts like attending fittings and rehearsals.

View Quoted Comment But any time, whether or not there are bridesmaids, sisters or close friends not in the wedding party, may do showers or bachelorettes.
What is the point of having an honorary but not really
bridesmaid, which is an honorary position to begin with? They are bridesmaids, or they are not. If they are, they may wear separate or same attire. Why make such a point of them being less than a bridesmaid

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I don't even think she wants bridesmaids to help with that. Mainly me, sister/MOH, and my mom.

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Thank you for all this! Very helpful!