No bridesmaids but 4 groomsmen

I’m sorry you are going through this. How about asking your mom to stand with you? From what you wrote, she sounds pretty important to you and as a fellow cancer survivor myself, I think having something good for her to look forward to might be a helpful way to get through treatments and rough times. She could be your sounding board for wedding plan ideas and it could cheer her up along the way.

Oh no. I'm so sorry. Are there any cousins, aunts or nieces you can have stand up there with you? Even though your mom is going through some serious hardships. I'm sure she would love to stand or sit up there with you.
I would feel let down by my friend as well. It's tough when we do things what is deemed the correct way while others are all over tge place and they get all these blessings.

I totally understand your frustration. My husband's best friend is pregnant and she was furious when she found out. Meanwhile, we had been trying to get pregnant for a year. I was so jealous and felt like it wasn't fair that she was pregnant when she didn't want a baby. I am now pregnant and only six weeks behind her. The good thing I've realized is I have someone to talk to who knows what I'm going through with my pregnancy. Our babies will likely be lifetime friends. If you are worried about having a baby, I wouldn't put it on hold. To me it would be more important to have a baby than a big wedding since you are already married. I also don't think being angry with your friend will really help the situation. Do you have other friends or family you are close to that you'd want to include in your wedding?

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Our wedding is already completely planned, and I involved my mom in the florals planning process because she loves gardening and is good at arranging flowers. I was going to have her do our reception arrangements with bulk flowers ordered from a local florist, but I'm even wary of that now because I don't know how much energy she will have or how she will be feeling. Her treatments have been going well, but we still lack a clear prognosis, so I just don't know what next June will look like for her.

My mom is in her 70s, suffers from depression (undiagnosed, but definitely there and worse since my dad died), and has little motivation to adapt modern technologies or conveniences into her life. She lives four hours away and doesn't have a cell phone or a camera of any kind, she doesn't have the internet or TV service, she never travels and is not good with directions or navigation. She checks email once a week when she goes to a part-time job, and I recently got her a GPS just so she wouldn't get lost if she has to go somewhere new for a medical appointment. When my husband and I visit her we need to fix all these broken things in the house that she just ignores because she doesn't want to pay someone to fix them when my dad used to be able to do it all on his own. She's visited me where I live exactly two times in 10 years - when I finished grad school and for our elopement. Trying to involve her from afar is near impossible. For example, my MOH had to swing by her house to take photos of the vases she had for doing the floral arrangements and text them to me, just so I could see what they looked like.

My mom stressed me out so much at our elopement that I honestly cannot imagine relying on her to do anything but just be my mom at the wedding. She's just so unfamiliar with where we live or how to use technology that she can't really help with anything unless she's given explicit instructions on what to do, where to go, how to look up a solution, etc. In order for her to offer any other support, I'd have to hand-hold her through the process of how to help me, which would be stressful and counterproductive. I'd rather have no bridesmaids and no help than have someone who I have to coach through everything. I love her dearly, but she is not the solution to my no bridesmaids problem.

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Nope, I have a really small family - the only relatives that were going to be at the wedding were my mom, my cousin (who is 14 years older than me), his wife, and their teenage son.

I do have other friends who I could ask but I feel like my best friend would be really upset if I asked someone else to step in and I also don't want my other friends to feel like "back-up" bridesmaids because clearly I didn't ask them the first time around. I'm worried my best friend is going to come in with the attitude of "I'm going to be there and be your MOH no matter what" and her due date will be within weeks or days of my wedding. She lives four hours away so I don't want her having a medical issue when she's away from her doctors, and also I really don't want her having a baby overshadow my wedding day. I want someone I can rely on there and I don't think a person within a month of their due date can assume that role. If she's due within a couple weeks of the wedding I think I'll probably just ask her not to come and she's not going to be happy about it, but I just think its too risky and don't want the drama and worry.

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I'd already be considered a high risk pregnancy due to my age, so we are a bit concerned about trying to conceive during Covid, and I was planning to discuss with my doc at my next routine OBGYN appointment at the end of the year, which will hopefully be after my mom is able to have surgery. I really wanted to get my mom through surgery before trying, because I'll likely have to take time off work to help her (she has no other close family). I don't get maternity leave at my job so if I use up a significant portion of my health leave to care for my mom I won't have that available for my own pregnancy. With her living in a different state and travel restrictions around Covid, I wouldn't have the luxury of just taking a few days off here and there unfortunately. I also really want to share the pregnancy with my husband as much as possible so want him to participate in all the appointments and not be separated from him caring for my mom in my early stages of pregnancy. Plus I wouldn't mind getting through this election before removing my birth control and deciding if we really want to bring another life into the world.

We also did want to have the wedding we planned and actually celebrate something, since it's unlikely we'll be able to do that with a baby because of Covid. We planned a fairly small wedding to begin with and really wanted to share in the joy with our guests. Yes, we are married, but we didn't get to celebrate at all. We had just our parents and a few close friends at our ceremony (we couldn't even include my husband's sister or all his groomsmen because we were limited to 10 people, one of which wasn't even on our guest list but the only way my mom could get to the wedding because my MOH was too scared to drive her because of her cancer diagnosis. We just did vows, had champagne and cut a cake, and did a first dance by cell phone in a field, no dinner or spending time together. The whole thing was maybe 40 minutes at most and everyone was standing and socially distant and my husband's parents wouldn't even hug us. On our wedding night we had people sleeping on our couches and floor and zero privacy, and we had to cook for and host my mom, her friend, and my best friend all weekend. We still haven't even seen most of the people we wanted at our wedding, and definitely haven't done anything close to a party or celebratory event at all, nor did we get to have any of the traditional pre-wedding celebrations and parties. So it was like we got engaged then got married and there was no wedding or celebration around it at all. Being able to celebrate with family and friends is really important to us. Maybe if we hadn't spent months planning it that way we wouldn't have cared. Having a baby isn't going to change the fact that we missed that opportunity with our friends, and once we have a baby we'll be so limited in being able to enjoy events like that again. Our wedding was going to be our last big party, our honeymoon our last big trip, and then we wanted to add another member of the family. Now I just feel like we are out of time and choices and I feel really let down.

View Quoted Comment I'm very sorry. I just know if I was in that position having a baby would be more important to me . I definitely understand not wanting your husband to miss appointments because my husband can't go with me to any of my appointments.

View Quoted Comment I just wanted to say I'm really sorry, OP. I'm going through similar issues and I understand and resonate with you so deeply. My great breaks for you because I feel similarly- the time is running short (especially with infertility in the mix) and postponing the wedding feels like it really put a wedge I'm our plans and progression forward. We also don't want to push forward because of COVID and high risk, like you said. My FH is high risk so going out and seeing doctors a lot (which we will have to do) would be stressful with Corona still being such an issue in our state. Plus, we aren't seeing any family because of the risks and I don't want to experience it like this- in fear, stressed, alone, no family, etc.


I wanted to add that I'm sorry for what Victoria said, that hurt reading and maybe it did for you, too. Intentional or not, saying it isn't more important to you is extremely hurtful and honestly unnecessarily cruel. Of course it's important to you!!! But you're a planner, like me and my FH, waiting and planning and doing it all "right" and yet it's all going so wrong. Of course you're going to weigh pros and cons, consider obstacles and issues at hand. Of course you have to consider time off, finances, COVID. I'm sorry, that just really stuck a nerve with me and I wanted to say I understand, I understand too much and my heart goes out to you 💔