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Just Said Yes September 2021

No Bridal Party. Is this idea to honor friends good or bad?

Meebs, on October 30, 2020 at 5:52 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
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So, I'm getting married and at our wedding we don't plan on having a real bridal party at all. No groomsmen or bridesmaids. We decided that a long time ago and everyone is aware. It's just going to be one of my family members on my side and one of my partners on theirs as best man and maid of honor. We are happy with that decision and don't wish to change it.

However, I have two friends, one male and one female, that I grew up with that mean the world to me and I want to honor them in some way.
Do you think it would be acceptable to ask them to let me put them on the invitations and program as honorary bridesmaid and man, and have them walk down the aisle during the procession and sit in the front row at the ceremony?They won't have to do anything else or wear certain outfits or anything like that. I just feel wrong not honoring them in some special way without changing our original plans of just having family up at the altar with us, and I feel like this would be a good way to go about it.
Is there anything wrong with this idea?I know that assigning that role to people when you DO have a bridal party is considered rude and exclusionary, but since we don't have one it seems like this is different and would be more of a compliment.Please let me know what you think.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on October 31, 2020 at 7:29 AM
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    Technically you do have a bridal party because you have a maid of honor and best man. Anyways, I'm personally not a fan or do I really understand the point of an honorary bridesmaid/man. I would think this would make them feel more excluded than included. As you would basically be having them walk down the aisle, but wouldn't let them stand by you which in my opinion would make feel like I'm not good enough to be by your side.
    • Reply
  • Ajj
    Savvy May 2021
    Ajj ·
    • Flag
    Sounds honorable and understandable. It’s YOUR day! Your being plural to include your future spouse. Have your way with no regrets. You are empowered to honor whoever you please however you decide to do so. I think it’s necessary to acknowledge life long friends on this day.
    • Reply
  • M
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Meebs ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Would there be another way to let them know they are important? I know for sure that the guy would not feel comfortable doing a reading or a being asked to speak in general.
    • Reply
  • M
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Meebs ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you. I agree, but I'm really torn on whether this is the right way to acknowledge them or not Smiley sad
    I was all ready for this plan but I've heard more than a few cons now so I'm not sure anymore.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    You could have them each do a reading during the ceremony to include them.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    So you do have a bridal party and you want your two friends to do everything that being in a bridal party consists of, except the part where you call them your bridesmaid and bridesman? That doesn’t seem okay to me.
    • Reply
  • Rea
    Devoted November 2017
    Rea ·
    • Flag
    Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Like a poster said, technically you have a bridal party and it's a party of two. My now hubby and I did the same thing by listing in the program and honorary bridesmaid which was my sister. One because she was a bridesmaid in my wedding with my late hubby and two, because her health is not good and has trouble walking and three she's my only sister, but I wanted her there and I knew she wanted to be there in some compacity. At the end of the day she was over the moon that her name was included and to see her babysis start a "new beginning", which happened to be our theme. So it's ok to add those friends as honorary, it's just ink on paper and it remains meaningful to at least to you and your life partner to be. My nephew recently married and in addition to his mother's name(my sister) being on his printed program, he also had a great relationship with his father's wife so he included her name as "bonus mom" on a separate line and my sister was well ok with his decision. Words from my sister were...it's there wedding. Again it's just ink on paper and the bride/groom/partner knows the meaning behind their decision. Really is a non-issue...imho. Do y'all...(in my southern tongue)
    • Reply
  • Lorraine
    Beginner April 2022
    Lorraine ·
    • Flag
    What about having them do a reading instead? Or include them specifically in a thank you speech during the reception.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Bridesmaids do not have to dress in all the same outfit. A lot of people like that, and do it. And the wedding industry promotes it, because everyone has to buy. But it' s fine to have two nicely dressed women but in their own choice of clothes, and call them MOH or Bridesmaid. And the same with the men wearing their own clothes and called Groomsmen. And none of the silly team dressup. Pull the nicest thing from their closet, or whatever. Dispense with any stuff you do not want, but have them on the program, and have them walk with you as bridal party. Bridal party names do not go on invitations.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Super October 2020
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    1. You do technically have a bridal party, your maid of honor and best man.
    2. I personally wouldn’t do this. I would feel slighted and confused if someone asked me to be an “honorary” brides person.
    • Reply
  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
    • Flag

    I think it's perfectly fine. With everything going on with the world, who cares about the nitty-gritty details and what is "right" and what we're "supposed to do." It's YOUR day!

    My fiance and I are only having a MOH and BM also, but I still want to honor a couple of friendships, and so does he. I plan on having my VIP crew hang out with me and get ready with me in the morning, and the fiance is going to kick it with his best friends also in the morning. Will we have a few of them do readings? Maybe, we haven't thought that far yet.

    I'd like to also have maybe a reserved row for them, right after immediate family during the ceremony. They have seen our relationship blossom from DAY ONE of our love, not my cousin I see once every few years. They deserve to be near the front of the ceremony. Also, we'd like to get a few nice portraits with them. They are my day-1s for a reason, I just don't want them at the alter with me and we're having the ceremony very intimate.

    Trust me, if you tell them you love them and want them part of your day with something special, they will be so happy.

    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    As a guest, I would find it weird and also as the person in question. Why are they not standing up with your attendants?


    The part of "honoring friends" that baffles me is that everyone knows you pick your attendants, but some people cannot comprehend at all that being a guest is a HUGE honor in itself. But so many posts here lead to portray that being a guest is not an honor in the least. No, being cut from the list is lower. If you don't feel that someone being a guest is honoring them in any way, go elope without any attendants or guests.
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    So you're going to have 2 people (the non MoH and BM) standing next to you and your groom, and the additional 2 people (the non BM's) are going to walk down the aisle but take their seats??? That is a very visible and unusual way of ranking your friends. Absolutely don't do that. Either have all 4 walk down the aisle with you and stand next to you, or keep it at the 2.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Super October 2020
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    Alternatively, you could honor your friends by inviting them to get ready with you. My husband and I have a large mutual group of friends (not all of whom we included in our wedding party) but we got an Airbnb and had a pre and after party there for all of the friends (bridal party and not bridal party). We all got ready together and took a bus to the wedding together. That was our way of including all of our friends, not just the bridal party.
    • Reply

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