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Just Said Yes July 2019

No bachelorette party, going away on your own instead?

sarah, on May 24, 2019 at 7:02 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 15

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Any other brides here not having a bachelorette party? I am aware no one is entitled to anything, but as the one who always plans birthday parties, bachelorette parties, bridal showers, baby showers for everyone else it just hurts. I know everyone has lives and bills and their own problems, but as a mom of 4 who works nights full time and sleeps 4 hours a day I somehow manage everything on top of homework, bills, permission slips, cleaning, laundry.

There was nothing done for my 30th birthday, nothing done when we got engaged, nothing done for Mother’s Days. I’m sure I probably sound entitled but three of my kids are my step sons who I raise full time as my own. I give and give and an super down about all of this. I am starting to question if even after all the giving I am just not deserving or there’s something wrong with me.

M y moh Just told me she doesn’t think she can get off for the wedding which is 6 weeks away, which she’s known about for a year. She’s been totally Mia this whole time and we’ve been friends for 15 years. It hurts. And she just got engaged this past weekend, so you think that would of triggered something. She refused to even talk about the plans my matron made for the shower and isn’t coming to that either.

My mother warned me that this would happen, but I defended them bc I really thought it would be different. Admitting she was right is the worst part of all this. I was thinking about going away for the weekend by myself, or doing something by myself but just feel pathetic. Any one else go away by themselves for their bachelorette?

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Tavia, on June 1, 2023 at 3:14 PM

Devoted July 2019
Futuremrs · on May 24, 2019 at 7:50 AM
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Wedding-wise, you're right. No one is entitled to any parties. But it sounds like you need a break and a chance to recharge you as a human in a big picture way, separate from the wedding perhaps. I know some brides have planned their own bachelorette party and there are people on here who are wildly opposed, but as several have pointed out, it's the parties where you might get gifts that you shouldn't plan for yourself. (Gift grabby) Bachelorette parties don't involve gifts, so etiquette-wise, it's technically ok.

I think you need a weekend away whether it's your bachelorette or not. Could you have a girls weekend with some other friends even if it's not your 2 MOHs? Would you find it relaxing to go away solo? I don't think there is anything pathetic about doing that.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on May 24, 2019 at 8:01 AM
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I am so sorry you are going through this, and your feelings are justified.
I know exactly how you feel. I am always the person that gives and gifts and plans. And I never get the same in return. Two years ago I graduated with my BA, and was secretly hoping my FH would plan a party...of course he didn't. I basically had to plan my own 30th birthday party last year (even though FH was technically the one throwing it). I haven't had any help, excitement, or support throughout my engagement from my bridesmaids. We threw our own engagement party. And I had to ask my mom to throw me a bridal shower. My mom is also the only person that offered to throw me both my baby showers in the past. I didn't get anything for mother's day or my birthday 2 days ago (even though I have awesome gifts already lined up for everyone else's birthdays, father's day, etc.). However my MOH has planned a bachelorette weekend, for which I am extremely grateful and excited about. It's hard to be the "giver" though, because we rarely get the same type of thought in return.
If you really wanted to, you could go somewhere by yourself, but I'd at least try to take one friend. Maybe you could reach out to your bridesmaids / friends and say something like "Hey ladies, I really want to get away for a day (or weekend) to relax and have some fun before the wedding. Would anyone be interested in joining me?"
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Super November 2019
Katie · on May 24, 2019 at 10:57 AM
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I understand completely! I also will not be having a bachelorette party as everyone invited suddenly can no longer go or doesn't want to spend the money. I have decided to do a full spa weekend by myself and get the total treatment.
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Master October 2019
Jolie · on May 24, 2019 at 11:59 AM
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I would never understand this. Are people really that rude? Ugh that sucks. I would never not throw the bridal parties for the bride. I just don't get it. Is it not something they are familiar with, or do they just not care. You would think the people you surround yourself with are excited to do these traditional things! Jesus at least a dinner, or winery, or spa day isn't too much to ask for. I would 100 do a trip to recharge and relax! They're causing you more stress and sadness! I agree with Danielle, where you can plan what you want and ask them if they want to go!
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on May 24, 2019 at 12:40 PM
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Going away on your own is a fantastic idea. Self care is really so important; there is nothing pathetic about it. Enjoy taking time for yourself!
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on May 24, 2019 at 1:14 PM
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Honestly where you're a parent I think the wedding planning can buck the norms, bachelorette parties are often the "last chance" to go party but if you're a parent you probably haven't partied in a while anyway. Having a relaxing week or weekend away to take care of yourself is a good idea. Weddings are supposed to make you feel good, if relaxing is going to do that faster then do it
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Just Said Yes July 2019
sarah · on May 24, 2019 at 3:02 PM
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Thanks ladies! I’m going to book a hotel room in ac my birthday weekend and invite a few friends. Hopefully at least one person can come, but Either way I’ll have a relaxing beach trip that I deserve!
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Super July 2020
D · on May 24, 2019 at 5:21 PM
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Any other invitees you can rock out with? If not, take a night to yourself. You are entitled to time away. Do whatever you got to do for yourself girl just don't get sad.
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Master August 2019
Allie · on May 24, 2019 at 5:48 PM
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I feel your pain. I didn't get an engagement party, showers, bachelorette or anything so I know how that feels. I like my alone time so I definitely am considering having a night to myself to do something I enjoy.
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Just Said Yes July 2019
sarah · on May 25, 2019 at 7:54 AM
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I’m glad I’m not alone in this, you all deserve to do some pampering for yourselves as well. I also never not do the parties for someone either, and threw the best surprise bachelorette weekend for a friend last year. We did a boudoir shoot for her hubby, with pregaming with her friends I met that day with all the usual decorations and games and a limo ride to a male strip club. We had a blast!

I have one friend who said she’s in. A few more haven’t answered but I’m thankful for one. While I’m sad and disappointed it turned out this way, I need to let go of any expectations and start enjoying the last few weeks before the wedding instead of being sad. My boudoir shoot is tomorrow along with my hair and makeup trials so I’m trying to get excited get for that. We have a fun day with the kids planned at the big bounce USA which should help turn the mood.
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Super September 2019
Selena · on May 26, 2019 at 11:44 AM
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In the midst of my first marriage ending, I took a vacation by myself. It was one if the most rewarding things I have ever done. Take a weekend, enjoy yourself, think, relax, go shopping, drink wine, go to the spa. You do you. You are worth it!
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Just Said Yes July 2019
sarah · on May 26, 2019 at 12:45 PM
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Thank you! This has been hard and I’m embarrassed, I don’t know if I’ll get over it though I know that sounds stupid. I’m thinking beach, drag show, pool, spa and yoga class. As a parent a weekend alone may very well be a blessing.
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Just Said Yes July 2019
sarah · on May 26, 2019 at 12:46 PM
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Even my hairdresser bailed on my bridal trial today! She ‘forgot’ and went down the shore. As a hair and makeup artist I have never ever forgotten a client!
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Savvy January 2020
Elizabeth · on May 27, 2019 at 5:22 PM
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My mom was a stickler for etiquette. She was in charge. Had a proper engagement party and bridal shower for my first wedding. Bachelorette parties hadn't been invented yet. For this, my second wedding, no engagement party, no shower, no bachelorette party. It is a DW that we (FH and I) are footing the bill for. Super small (30 people) and about half will be standing up with us. The reasoning is:
1) it is my second wedding
2) everyone is either in NC, Cali, or UK and I am in FL
3) I work 50-70 hours a week and don't have time
4) no one, including me, can afford it.

We wont even be sending out invitations!
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Savvy September 2023
Tavia · on June 1, 2023 at 3:14 PM
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This is me!! I have planned, I have coordinated, I go to graduations, birthday parties, you name it I do it! I have four jobs I also am a teacher! It hurts that my ladies truly could not stop fighting long enough to do something I’m really upset and don’t even want anyone up there with me except my MATRON OF HONOR
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