No Alcohol @ Reception

You don't have control over what other people do. Some one will always bring a flask or car bar. Put something on your website. Or have a cash bar.

Don't have a cash bar.

A dry wedding is fine. But I don't think writing a little note will keep people from doing what they want. I kinda agree with surfergirl in that if someone sees that note that hadn't thought of it before, they might think it's a great idea.

Can I just add that I love that you ladies use the phrase "pre-game". I thought that was just an 18 year old college kid thing.

@KM - I read a news article stating that pregame was added to the Oxford dictionary in 2014. I thought that was pretty awesome lol.

There is probably a clause in your contract that says something like, "Alcohol not served by a bartender is not permitted on the premises". If that's the case, it's not really a dry venue, and telling your guests otherwise is a bad idea. If they want to, they can find out in minutes whether or not that's true by simply asking someone who works there ("Hi. We are looking for a wedding venue, and we love this one. The only problem is that you don't allow alcohol".).

You're worried about parking lot drinking because it's probably going to happen. I've worked several dry weddings before and liquor store runs/parking lot drinking is a reality. It is so much better to offer at least some alcohol because the car bars (excellent phrase, Andixlyn) tend to serve straight booze from the bottle. That's when people get noticeably trashed.

I don't think you should add anything to your invitation that mentions a strict prohibition of alcohol. You may hate to hear this, but for those people who have to travel to get to the wedding, this may cause them to decline. Secondly, people will drink before they get there, and others will have flasks in their car trunks or glove compartments. Others will probably leave earlier than you expected. And before this thread deteriorates into "then all of those people are alcoholics", can we not? They aren't alcoholics. They are social drinkers who enjoy a cocktail or a few glasses of wine at a big social event -- just like the majority of adults in this country.

The only thing I can think of is signage at the area in which you are serving your drinks. One of two signs that say, "Alcohol not Permitted on Premises" would get the message out. Whether or not your guests comply remains to be seen.

Oh vey. No offense, but a dry wedding sounds brutal to me. I have never been to one. I'm not a big drinker. And I'm not for my guests getting crazy drunk. But, I also agree with the others on maybe offering a small but limited bar. Beer and wine only. For me a glass of wine or two at a wedding at a wedding is something that is enjoyable. Please elaborate....maybe we can help you more.

I agree with Centerpiece about the signage at the reception.

OP, do you have anything to add?

I've only ever been to one dry wedding. People were pre-warned about it, so some people showed up already drunk, and other people kept a car-bar. It turned into a disaster, over 1/2 of us were gone right after dinner.

I have nothing against people who drink, at weddings or otherwise, but I am completely shocked (even after a year on ww) at how many people seem to think the purpose of a wedding is to drink. Whatever happened to showing up to support a couple?

If the venue isn't dry then I don't think OP should say it is, and if it is dry then I hope the guests would remember the purpose of the wedding is (or at least SHOULD BE) to support the couple and witness the beginning of their life together, not just another weekend to get drunk.

@Wildflower - Its not that the purpose of a wedding is to drink. The point the ladies here are trying to make is that a wedding is a celebration and more times than not, a celebration includes alcohol.

People have come to expect alcohol available to them at weddings - even if its just a glass of wine at dinner. Many people even base what they give as a gift on their intake as to "cover" the expense of them being there. I absolutely give based on that. If I am close with the couple and I know they are a good time, I plan on staying until the end and give more as a gift in return for them providing food and alcohol. If I show up to a wedding with money in a card I think will offset the expense of me eating and drinking at the celebration and then there isn't any? Then I'm not going to be happy.

Hosting properly means providing food and beverage options that will please your guests.

Don't ever lie to your guests, that is super shitty. Adults will make their own choices regardless of any signage or poem. Dry receptions are perfectly acceptable, cash bars are not, Will your guests stay as long? no, probably not. Will they remember your wedding as a total blast? no. probably not. But, you will be married nonetheless.

^^since the beginning of time people have drank alcohol to celebrate special occasions. that's why most people expect some to be provided at a wedding. Dry weddings might be 'okay' but doesnt change the fact that is more boring without-sorry just reality. Unless it is for religious reasons or if both of the families don't drink at all- not just because you want to save money or dont trust your guest to not get drunk.

Wait- why is everyone accusing of her of lying to her guests? She said alcohol isn't allowed- and if the staff sees it- it would be a breach of contract and could end her reception?

No one is accusing her of lying, some people suggested she says its a 'dry venue' which from her post doesnt seem like it is.

@Jenn B - In her OP she said "Ok so my fiance and i have decided not to have alcohol at our wedding" and then something was said about telling guests it is a dry venue... which wouldn't be true if OP and FH "decided" not to have it. THAT is what would be the lie.

Well, technicially- if they decide to have a dry wedding- and sign a contract stating that there in fact will not be alcohol allowed at the wedding- and someone brings it and she loses her deposit is still pretty much the same thing as stating "alcohol isn't allowed at the wedding" right?

Now, pass the wine. I don't even like dry threads.

ETA typos.

@Jenn B - See @Centerpiece's post, Paragraph 1.

Accepting the invitation, showing up, and bringing a gift are all clear expressions of supporting a couple. I really haven't seen anyone imply that the purpose of a wedding is drinking. The purpose of going to a bar is usually drinking (unless they make great bacon cheddar potato skins and you've got a craving that must be satisfied).

I've heard people express strong opinions on both sides ("it's rude not to have an open bar" vs. "if your guests can't live without a drink for four hours, they should be in AA"). Where most people land is in the middle. No, you don't have to host top shelf/open bar all night, but wine, champagne, or some softer alcohol is a great addition to any party (ask any professional event planner). Actually, you don't have to serve a drop of alcohol, but if that's the choice, you're likely to lose some guests earlier than you would have hoped. Remember, we're talking about human beings.

I've been to two dry weddings in my life. I showed up on time, loved the ceremonies, and felt honored to be invited to witness this special moment in both couple's lives. I went to both receptions, socialized, ate, toasted the couple with sparkling cider, posed for photos, listened to speeches, left a generous gift, and hugged the couple before leaving. That is celebrating a wedding. Did I leave earlier than I would have if there was some alcohol being served -- yes, I did. Why? Probably two reasons: one, there just wasn't much of party atmosphere, and two, after spending three hours at an event and eating dinner, people tend to wind down. A few cocktails keeps the mood "up".

I didn't walk out early in protest of the dry wedding -- it just felt like it was time to go. When I got in the car, I was completely aware that I'd been to a wedding. I felt I had properly celebrated both couples.

This is why I asked OP to chime in.

Nothing like started a dramatic thread (which this one isn't even that bad) then not posting anything else to clarify.

Hmph.

We have chosen to have a dry wedding due to having members that have life altering injuries due to drunk driving accidents where the other driver was drunk. Neither of us drink and none of our immediate family members drink either... the venue will have staff outside and inside the entire time and in our contract it clearly states that if any outside alcohol is brought on the premise either by the bride/groom or guests and is not serve by a tabc certified bartender then our reception will terminated on the spot.