It's important I say from the start what an absolutely stunning day I had on my big day, I felt so beautiful and had such fun and felt incredibly present and not like it went too fast at all. The only stress was in the morning, I was meant to go third from last for makeup but my fiancé (now husband!) had organised a gift delivery that my maid of honour said she would recommend not having my makeup done before (big emotional impact!) And it was delayed so I ended up letting others go before me and then having a stressful hour of makeup, getting ready shots, into the dress etc. After that though it all went wonderfully.
When I got our sneak peek photos back I LOVED them right off the bat. I spent two days staring at them, so happy. Then one moment I just realised there was something off about me - my sideburns hair was more noticeable than I have ever seen before. I'd never even had that as an insecurity!
Suddenly, it was all I could see. Obsessed then over every photo, over photos of other girls to see if they have them, over anyone on the tv or in real life was checking out if they had this and if it was normal. Kicking myself for not doing something about them beforehand.
Eventually, I realised it's normal (not everyone has it but many do) and saw my photos as beautiful again.
Until. I realised in some of them, my ear is slightly poking out from my hair in an unplanned way and I realised I'd tightened my hairclips unintentionally and threw it off.
Guys. This is just the start of it. I've been married two weeks and I've spent every single day cycling through something new that I see that's wrong. My brows are too heavy, my fake eyelashes are shiny and it looks like glue, my makeup is too warm when at my trial I asked for cool. I've got my video sneak peak now, and see even more new things in that.
It was all too much of a whirlwind to pick this stuff up on the day but now I'm driving myself insane regretting and looking back wishing I'd noticed. I had been worried leading up to the day as I spent 90% of my energy on the guests experience and very little on planning my personal appearance. But still, in general I turned out well, felt beautiful and I don't know why I'm being so neurotic.
I'm starting to feel like I genuinely might need professional help. I had such a gorgeous day and now this is all I can see. What can I do to stop this and just enjoy the memories?
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