Nighttime Backyard Micro Reception Backlash

Do your own thing. People frequently have at-home after parties at family events. The only difference is you using it as your reception. Really there is no issue. If people hate it that much, stay home and keep their thoughts to themselves. Those who truly love you and want to celebrate with you will have no issue with your plans. At the end of the day, you're married to your best friend which is what matters. Best of luck!

I agree with Jana. Plan the wedding and reception that you and your fiance want, and don't listen to anyone else's opinion. It is your and your fiance's day, not theirs. If they're not happy with what you have planned, they don't have to attend. Most people will be excited to celebrate with you, regardless of what you plan.

It's unreasonable to asks guests to sit outside after a wedding? What a bizarre comment. Even with venues, there are plenty of people that plan for totally outdoor receptions.

Your micro reception sounds lovely, and I think you should stick with those plans.

Kourtney, I am so sorry you and your fiancé are receiving this backlash. Your reception sounds absolutely beautiful!!! If I was one of your guests, I would be thrilled as it sounds so romantic and intimate!!! We recently got married and had a much smaller reception (like you, originally 280 cut down to 160 and 105 attended, family and close friends). We did outdoors under a white tent and honestly it surpassed all my hopes and dreams!!! Told by many it was the best wedding and they loved how intimate it was (also safe!). We too had A LOT of opinions from a small group (majority was very supportive). It is disappointing in people’s characters and a reflection of them (not a reflection of you or your fiancé). Stay strong and keep the course!!! ❤️💪🏻🥂

Could they be talking about weather or bugs? Either can ruin an outdoor event. It’s been crazy hot for us, even at 8 pm. Is there AC or a fan in the tent? Be sure to have ice and iced drinks on hands. Can you think why else they’re complaining?

It's definitely not unreasonable to ask guests to sit outside after a wedding ceremony. Our pre-covid plan always required people to be outside during the reception and we did a smaller version of what you described last month. It was perfect!
It's safer to have people outside at the moment anyway. (I'm glad you were able to recover from COVID yourself, but assuming not all of your guests have been through it, that may help you defend against some of the pushback.) We didn't get the comments you mentioned, but we did get plenty of unwanted feedback. For the most part, I tried to remind myself that it's not their wedding, so they don't get a say in it.

Common responses: We're doing it this way because this is what we want for our wedding.
We're really trying to keep things as safe as possible, and every person we add increases the level of risk. (You could say: We don't want our wedding to become a superspreader event, and having it indoors would increase the risk of that happening.)
We also heard a lot of comments second hand, mostly via parents, sometimes siblings. If we heard the comment in the form of a question (ex. Some extended family members want to know if you're going to Zoom the ceremony, are you?) I would answer it directly (usually by saying no). If we heard the comment in the form of a comment (ex. [Aunt] is really hurt that she's not being invited) I might respond to the person passing the comment along by reminding them why we made the choices we did, but I never gave an answer for the person who was the original source of the comment. I decided that if someone didn't come to us directly with their concern, they could stay concerned. It wasn't on us to address it.

Could there concern about sitting outside be the weather and/or bugs? I wouldn't want to sit outside if it's going hot and I'm being bitten by bugs. To me, that doesn't sound like an enjoyable time. Also, 8 pm sounds rather late to first be starting a reception.

I agree that 8pm is very late to start. Will guests be fed dinner or snacks only? I would imagine that late, it would be mingling only without dancing, making for a short party.

View Quoted Comment Hi Veronica,


Our church ceremony starts at 7 pm, therefore the reception will have to start at 8. It is on a Friday night, so we want to ensure people can leave work and have time to get there. It’s an intimate reception. We will not surround our loved ones with bugs and/or bad weather. If people have concerns about an event that they are not planning or paying for, they can keep their concerns to themselves and stay home.

View Quoted Comment Hi Jana,


It is on a Friday night, therefore it will have to start late to ensure our working family members can make it. It is also the fine my priest gave me. Our families are used to late receptions and this is not an issue non whatsoever. Dinner will be served. Dancing will be done. This is an event with less than 50 people.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much!

View Quoted Comment

The time makes more sense then. While you are planning and paying for the wedding, I think it makes sense they are concerned about the heat and bugs since it is still summer time. You can't really control the weather or bugs, but you can do things to ensure they are comfortable like providing plenty of drinks or having a backup plan in the event of rain.

View Quoted Comment That makes sense! Best of luck

View Quoted Comment That’s the same thing I said!! I know plenty of people who plan outside receptions. Thank you so much for your insight.

View Quoted Comment We haven’t heard many people complaining about the heat or bugs. Technically, when we get married it will be fall time. Usually at that time of night it is a comfortable temperature. I appreciate your insight? We’ll definitely make sure to have a backup plan.