Newly Engaged

My fiancé was the same way, he could care less about half of the wedding stuff. It worked out really well for us for me to do all the research everything find a couple favorites and have him give his opinions on the top three of any given thing. It made it much easier for us. It made sure that I got what I wanted but he was also happy with all the choices.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Megan for your input. I will try the same thing when it comes to my favs and get hus input.

My fiancé is the same, he cares about our wedding a lot but would rather I do the planning and just come to him for opinions and big discussions. It’s worked out very well for us so far and we have been engaged for 6 months now! I love being able to design it on my own and he’s happy to give me the reigns of that aspect of it

View Quoted Comment Okay. I see that im not alone in this. Thank you Izzy for your comment. I'm planning our Engagement party March which will put us at our 6 months engagaged. I love planning ajd looking at ideas of venues. He likes the summer season and I like the fall. My allergies are truly bad during the summer. What would be tour suggestion of a good season for a wedding?

View Quoted Comment I think it all depends on you and your FH vision of your big day! Fall is very popular and beautiful, and depending on location can be nice weather too. We are doing a spring wedding on the North Carolina coast because the timing and date just worked better for us. I would say just really think about the seasonal weather in your area and be sure to have a back up plan if you choose a time where weather is variable

View Quoted Comment I live in WA, our weather is horrible it rains all the time (Lol) but I have a lot to think about. Thank you again for your comments. Good luck to you on your big day.

Women by nature are detailed oriented (pretty) while men are nuts and bolts (muscle). I went into planning our wedding disillusioned and hoping it was something we could do together because it's "our" day. My feelings were hurt early on because he wasn't as involved as I wanted him. He explained to me that he never had a vision of how his wedding would be, that's what women do. We envision, dream and plan our weddings from the time we're little girls. He told me he just sees me at the altar and that's all that matters to him, not the pretty that we plan to make it from childhood. He put it in perspective with his explanation and from then on I went about planning the details without hurt feelings.

View Quoted Comment That's how I feel. I am a little hurt right now even though it is early on, i am sure he'll appreciate what I plan on doing. I hope lol.

I've probably consulted my future mother in law just as much as I have my fiance so far haha. He cares, just as others have said does best when asked to pick between narrowed down choices. I'm sure he'd be great if I asked for more help, but I'm a researcher at heart that likes to know I checked EVERYTHING before making a decision, especially for pricey things like this!
As far as your comment about season for the wedding, do you care more about the timing or the place? If place, the venue's availability could help you narrow your timing down.

It would be difficult to think about all these variables (price, style, feasibility) on top of his opinion. Maybe we're lucky they dont want a say.


Ive been tricking mine into helping, whether he knows it or not, like slipping a dog its medication within some meat. Thats how i found out my fiance doesnt want a beach wedding. I make decisions based on what I want, and then i sort of go to him and "confirm". Like, what do you think of this? Would this be worth the extra money?
Like, he doesnt want to go at planning a wedding because its a mammoth task, but if I just go to him with these specific questions, or with like a, "heres option A, heres option B", then it comes in managable doses.

My fiance is willing to be as involved as I want him to be - with that said we have a lot going on so I give him 3-4 options for each vendor to narrow down what I like or think will incorporate us both and then I show him. Even if your fiance doesn't want to do that - The budget, suit, catering and cake will be areas where I am sure he will be more than willing to give his opinion!

View Quoted Comment Thanks Gabbir.. I've been in the " what do you thibk about this" phase also. My fiance would like a Summer wedding but I have horrible allergies in the spring and summer. Not sure where to go with that.. But im pretty much gathering all the ideas then sorting through them.

View Quoted Comment Dierdra, thank you for your input. I am those things like cake and suite and how much to spend, hw would definently have an opinion on.

I told my husband this was his wedding, too, and if he didn't help, there wouldn't be one.

Planning can be very stressful, and this is a day to celebrate BOTH of you.

Ask him why he only wants to "show up".... does he not want a big wedding? Does he not like planning? Does he feel it's not "manly"? (...It is nearly 2020, this is a ridiculously outdated concept and should be treated as such.)

Talk to him - explain how much work this will be without him, and find out why he feels comfortable dumping all that work on you.

On the other hand, if he's not interested because he's studying full time, or his work is really stressful, that's completely understandable, and your options are changing your date, hiring a planner, or relying on your friends/family to help you.

Mine was very involved in the beginning. We had tons of discussions on what we wanted and what we could care less for, ie we wanted immediate family only, he really wanted a videographer, I really wanted a my sisters there so we had to push our date. Then when I began booking the venue, he went into “show up” mode. He only wanted me to give him the gist or options of my favorites for him to choose from. I was upset at first because he was involved the first month, but now I quite prefer it. I’m busy planning the details and only need his input whenever I need it. His wants have been met and everything else he said he will love regardless.
You should see this as a good thing! You can plan to your hearts content and get him involved when you need his opinion.

My husband had certain parts of the wedding he was interested in, and he took the lead on those, while I did other things - however, we were both involved in big decisions: date, venue, food, things like that. He took the lead on the music, I picked the flowers, he picked his (and the GM's attire), I picked mine (and the BM's). He needs to help at least some because this day is for both of you, not just you.

View Quoted Comment

I second all of this! Our biggest task was choosing a venue which I spent a ton of time researching and then narrowed down to some favorites and we decided together which ones we liked enough to tour (we weren't set on a particular wedding location since our family is spread out all over Florida so we had endless venue options) and then chose the final venue together. For things like a photographer and DJ he doesn't have much preference so I've mostly chosen those on my own and just had him look over them to make sure he was good with my choices before booking.

My FH is just not a planner and doesn't enjoy doing this stuff like I do. We spoke about what he would like to be involved in: food, music, general logistics. Then for the rest of the things, I get to make decisions and he gets veto power. If I pick something he hates, he can say no, but then has to help with finding the new option/replacement.

For example, recently I picked the suits and ties. I showed him the pictures and he looked though them. He didn't have a problem with them, so we ordered it! Simple!

Congrats!!!

I am struggling with this as well. I wanted to go to vegas or a beach and get it over with. My FH wants a big wedding however, hasnt or really isnt helping me with planning. Weve been engaged for now 7 months and so far we have only booked our venue. He has gone with me to look and taste test. Other than that he really isnt involved and I dont know what I am doing with planning a big wedding lol.. so i guess well see what happens. Good luck!

My fiance hasn't helped plan much. He toured our venues with me and then has been pretty hands off! I show him colors and decor and he goes "okay" and I just roll with it lol.