New Years Eve Party, surprise, we’re getting married!

People not showing. NYE is a big day where people want to spend time with family or have other plans. My birthday is that day and it's hard doing anything that day with people at night. If they don't think it's a wedding they may just say it's another party and not go. I might bc a party vs a wedding have different levels of importance to me. I think your idea is cute but maybe tell them it's a small wedding with a casual reception to follow.

People who would want to attend your wedding may not make a New Year’s Eve party a priority and be upset that they missed you getting married. This will obviously only matter if you want specific people to definitely be in attendance.

Proposals happen often on New Year’s Eve- if people don’t know it’s a wedding, you may have some at your wedding. Also, older guests (grandparents) or guests with children might not want to stay up so late and so might miss your wedding, something they would really want to see if they had known. Maybe tell the really important people (parents/grandparents/siblings) if you feel they can keep a secret?

Someone will undoubtedly be upset that they missed your wedding because they weren't informed. They may have standing plans that they do for NYE every year or maybe they simply decline the invite because they'd prefer to sit on the couch, but would have attended had they known it was such an important event. Is family important? Does your grandma typically go out for NYE parties? Attendance would be my biggest concern. People have tons of options for holiday parties and may choose a different event without knowing that this is your wedding. Is there a reason you're opposed to just telling people you're getting married?

It is honestly a really bad idea. Guests that you would want at your wedding may not attend because New Year's Eve is a popular time for parties so they may go to someone else's party or just not come to yours. They may also leave early because not everyone stays up til midnight. You will risk upsetting a lot of people if you do it this way. I wouldn't be happy if I was invited to a wedding, but wasn't told.

I think it’s a fun idea. But as others said, some people will pass on the invite since it is New Year’s Eve. You said you don’t want a big wedding, so that may not be as important to you as your fiancé. You could always let the VIPs know ahead of time and swear them to secrecy, so you know they will attend. A friend of mine went to a Friendsgiving this fall and it turned out to be a secret wedding. She had a blast, and everyone loved it. Just think about your guests and who is going to come. If that’s a group you’re happy with, proceed with your plans. You don’t need the approval of anyone else when it comes to your wedding.

I don’t understand why not just tell people it’s your wedding? Some people may choose not to go because they’ll think it’s just a New Year’s Eve party but would be upset if they found out later that it was actually your wedding and they missed it because they didn’t know

I can’t imagine any of my family going out of their way to attend a New Years party (and I personally would be bummed if they weren’t there). Coincidentally, we host an annual NYE party, so a couple tidbits from this year: my MIL actually was there, but left very early before midnight bc she was tired (would’ve had to try to convince her to stay if we were getting married). A couple declined our invite bc they were going to a wedding, they sent regrets and apologies— we responded like “of course go to a wedding over our silly party— that’s way more important, no apologies needed” . Some people came late, some people left early— lots of people had divided plans , I know a couple people who would’ve been upset to realize they had made the wrong decision about which group to spend midnight with. My best friend (who would never miss my wedding for anything) cancelled last minute bc she had a cold. Our friends with kids didn’t come because they didn’t want to bother with a babysitter for a New Years party. To me it’s just important to consider that some very important faces may be MIA as many of people don’t prioritize ‘just a New Years party’

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the feedback, I noticed most replies have the same theme.
Personally I don’t have parents/ grandparents or siblings still alive that could come to my wedding.
I got married when I was younger (too young) and in-laws had their own agenda and dictated most of what happened so the day went the way they wanted... right down to my now ex mother-in-law’s black outfit and veil and her publicly stating during speeches that she was in mourning for the son I had stolen from her. Prior to that she had “borrowed” my new husband so that he was literally only in 2 wedding photos (photographer had to leave after waiting 4 hours) and when they returned she said she hoped she wasn’t going to be the reason our marriage ended, but that’s another story.Even at tiny weddings I’ve seen guests ruin things with their own agendas so I think I’m just... a bit stand off-ish about the whole thing. There have been a number of family weddings in the last year and there’s always been a few nasty people doing their best to ruin things.I really just want to elope 😑

You could send out NYE party invites and include something like: There will be a special surprise right before midnight so don't miss the fun!

View Quoted Comment That sounds like a really good solution. For some of the people from out of town (such as the Mr’s mother) we are offering to accommodate so that they are more likely to attend too. Plus at midnight we are organising a huge fireworks display.

View Quoted Comment Hmmm. There will be a large number of children in attendance as our sons will be having friends staying over for the night and we’ve already discussed entertainment and arrangements for them so they have a good time too. The family (on the Mr’s side) are the ones that have caused issues in the past and would definitely do so again if we told them in advance. His mother really doesn’t like me but really enjoys criticising how I look etc etc usually along the lines of “oh it’s a pity you still haven’t had time to get your hair done professionally” (my hair has been blue for 6+ years and the Mr actually colours it for me, his way of being sweet). Each family wedding she has dictated what the bride has worn (brides usually give in or she berates them publicly on their wedding day) and I just don’t want that hanging over me 😕

View Quoted Comment In all honesty I’d be happiest if it was just me and the Mr, maybe my sons too as they live with us and then just tell everyone. Too late to ruin anything then.

View Quoted Comment Because people have too many agendas that have nothing to do with us enjoying the experience of becoming husband and wife. We already know this.

View Quoted Comment Even though we have been together 4 ish years now his mother still sees us a a temporary thing and will be very vocal if we say we are getting married. Then she will want to have a huge input into what we do and how. I don’t want to listen to someone telling me how fat I am for the rest of the year 😐 and this would be her perfect excuse.
I just don’t want to be the bride at someone else’s wedding, I’ve already done that and it was expensive and no fun.
If I’m getting married then I want to be happy making choices that work for us as a couple not how another dictated.

Again, thanks for all the feedback, it really helps having a chance to talk about this.
I just thought it would be cool to get married just before midnight and start a new life with the new year...
How’s this for a compromise, because I’m hearing how upset people would be if they had a wedding sprung on them that they didn’t know about: we get a videographer sorted and get married, just to two of us (maybe sons can be there or not) early on the morning of New Years Eve. Videographer records everything and spends the day editing it. We spend a fun day as new husband and wife and then when the party starts we wear our wedding clothes and run the video on multiple tv screens in the background until someone notices?We’ve thought about setting up a private Facebook group as everyone we would invite is on Facebook too. Before starting the video at the party we’d also upload it onto the page so literally everyone we would have invited would get a notification that something had been posted...How does that sound? Then literally nobody misses out, nobody isn’t included and nobody gets to ruin the experience for us...

View Quoted Comment I definitely understand wanting to avoid family & future family trying to influence things (also, I love non traditional hair color and it’s sweet he helps you out with it!). I think it’s still important to consider how they’ll react when they find out that it is a wedding (even if you do it that the night of). They may feel tricked which could cause them to react negatively in the moment.
I just want you to have a special day, even if it’s a surprise for everyone else. Whatever you decide, I hope it’s great!