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Beginner May 2020

New girlfriend at intimate wedding?

Jordan, on March 10, 2020 at 1:43 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
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My FH and I are planning an intimate destination-type wedding (under 40), we have most everyone's RSVP by now since it is a bit of a destination event. One close friend we invited we gave a plus one since he had been in a relationship for a few months, but they broke up a few months ago and now he's asking to bring his new girlfriend (new being about a week-long, and someone we haven't met or gotten to know). Everyone else that's invited we've known for 5-15 years, and we're both uncomfortable with the idea of bringing someone so new, especially since he's the type of boyfriend who will leave her during the events to hang out with our mutual friends.

We're also renting a large air bnb and when he was single we offered to let him stay there too, but there isn't room for her. He has a habit of planning trips or vacations in advance with girlfriends only to be broken up by the time the trip is actually happening.

How bad is it to revoke his plus one status (he wasn't even aware he had it before) since he's in a different relationship now and we don't know the guest?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Bride2020, on March 12, 2020 at 3:51 PM
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    I would explain that the plus one was for his previous longer term GF. Having someone come that you haven’t even met to an intimate wedding isn’t really fair to you. If he’s a good friend he will understand.
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  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag

    It just depends on if this situation will ruin your wedding or not. I think it's easier to let it be and just tell him to get their own AirBnb. General rule of thumb is if they are given a plus one he could bring her. If you addressed the invite to him and his ex he wouldn't get a new plus one.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    If he is asking - just say no! I think you can tell him exactly what you said here: the original plus one was intended when they were still in a relationship. Unfortunately, you don't know his new girlfriend and with it being such an intimate gathering, you would prefer her not be in attendance but would love to meet at another time. You can also let him know there's not room in the AirBnB, I doubt he'll want to shell out a bunch of cash for a hotel room for the two of them if he's a bit aloof in relationships.

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    How did he not know that he had a plus one? If you sent invitations or save the dates or both the plus one should have been included on those. If you haven't sent either or didn't already tell him he could bring someone that I think it is fine to revoke. If you already sent save the dates or invitations with a plus one or already told him he could bring one then I think it would be wrong to revoke his plus one.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Veronica, how does he not know he has a plus one? I think it’s rude to expect someone to travel for a destination wedding alone.
    • Reply
  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
    • Flag

    Your wedding your choice. I say just revoke it. Worst that could happen is he wouldn't come.

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  • J
    Beginner May 2020
    Jordan ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    He lost the paper invitation and we have the RSVP online and he hasn't been on the site yet to RSVP. That's why he reached out to ask.

    He's also the maid of honor's brother so it's easier all around if he stays in the air bnb with us for carpooling, otherwise he'll rely on her for rides, getting him where he needs to be, etc. and she won't be available to pick him up since she'll be busy with MOH stuff. He's absolutely not the type to plan out getting a room, driving to Yosemite (where the ceremony is), and everything if it's not planned for him. He's a great friend, but a mess of a human and his girlfriends are wildcards. There have been occasions in the past where he brought one along for a weekend outing and they had a huge fight because she felt left-out of everything. Not sure if this girlfriend is like that, but I don't even want to worry about that. I'd rather be the bad guy now and say no then have a potential bad weekend because of her. He definitely doesn't mind, but I still feel bad about it.

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  • Kelsey
    Savvy December 2021
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag

    I feel like you are fine to let him know he can't bring her. Usually, couples should be invited as a social unit, but if this is a couple that was formed after invitations I think you are totally fine. My sister had a friend who became official with her boyfriend the week of her wedding and it was one of those things where final payments had been made, the event had been planned out, etc. It's not like you had months and months to get to know her. I think you are totally okay to let him know you intended for the last girlfriend to come only.

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    I would just explain that his previous plus 1 was for his ex girlfriend. He is welcome to bring his new girlfriend but you will not be able to accommodate her as part of the group.

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  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
    • Flag
    I agree with sherry. You have the room to invite her to the wedding because you originally gave him a plus one. I would let him bring his new gf but definitely explain to him you can’t accommodate the both of them at the air bnb
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Agreed and he will take charge of keeping her entertained and getting lodging for them two. You seem to know him pretty well so I would be upfront and just let him know that you are happy to meet her but he needs to be there for her and keep her entertained.

    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, it would be very rude to revoke his +1 just because he’s in a new relationship.
    • Reply
  • Ian
    Savvy June 2021
    Ian ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Exactly. If it was a generic plus one, not letting him bring her is like saying "you can bring a plus one, but not her." Always best to name people on invites when possible.

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  • Bride2020
    Devoted May 2020
    Bride2020 ·
    • Flag

    You're fine, with a wedding that small especially. He is asking, just tell him no, easy peasy Smiley smile

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