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Holly
Dedicated September 2020

Never been a bridesmaid or gone to many weddings

Holly, on February 10, 2020 at 2:58 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8
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Hi ladies and gents-

I've noticed that a lot of y'all have been bridesmaids before. You have a ton of experience on how things should look and feel the day of whether you are still in that role, or you're the bride! In my case, I am the bride and this is my second time-we won't go into the first time.

I've never been a bridesmaid in any wedding and have hardly ever gone to weddings. I could probably count on one hand the number of them I've been to, including my FMIL's this weekend.

I'm not sure how to describe the feeling I have about this. It's like a weird empty feeling (lonely?) / 50% not knowing what I'm doing or what to expect / do I even deserve to be getting married and have the spotlight for 30 seconds / why do I feel like I have been surpassed in the social aspect of these things?

I was reflecting the other day and it feels like it went from "weird-I don't have a lot of experience in this" to "Is it me as a person?" I was definitely not the first choice for being invited to weddings and most all the weddings I have gone to were 'you are attached to x person so have a compulsory invite." It feels like a mix of fear of the unknown and sadness that I may just not deserve this because I haven't really been in anyone else's special day?

Has anyone felt that way? Is it just my high-functioning depression? AM I CRAZY? Positivity only please.

8 Comments

  • Sharon
    Expert October 2020
    Sharon ·
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    You absolutely deserve to be getting married and having a day to celebrate your relationship!! Don't ever doubt that. Maybe it'll be a good bonding experience to ask your MIL for her advice and help since she's going it through it too.
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  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post is your concern that you just don't know what to do as a bride or that you don't feel as excited as you feel like you should? I feel like you shouldn't focus on what is you have not been too, but just focus on the type of wedding that you want to have. Usually when people are depressed or anxious, there's usually an underlying factor that causes. The feelings. Are you worried about if guests will come to your wedding or something?
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  • Holly
    Dedicated September 2020
    Holly ·
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    Thanks for the kindnessSmiley heart

    Her wedding was thrown together in about three months which is really a reflection of the free spirit that she is, and I know nothing other than where it will be and where we are staying. I'm afraid she wouldn't be the one to ask just due to not experiencing the same things.

    XOXO

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  • Sharon
    Expert October 2020
    Sharon ·
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    Ok, she may not be the best example lol. Just remember it's just a party with a wedding ceremony thrown in. You'll have to get your marriage license beforehand but check the requirements for your state. As long as you have good food, drink and music people will have fun. Don't stress, enjoy being engaged and marrying the man of your dreams.
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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    Please don’t let your self-worth be tied to whether you are a bridesmaid or not. I’ve been a bridesmaid one time and I loved supporting my friend but the role itself was not that special (meaning buying a dress, getting together with other girls I had never even met and will never see again, etc). I have a friend who has a nervous breakdown when she’s not asked to be a bridesmaid or in my case she was a bm but not my maid of honor. You never know why people choose their wedding parties, sometimes they are family, or their fiancés family, or sometimes they’re really close to someone that has nothing to do with you. I would be honestly happy if I were never a bridesmaid again lol.
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  • Holly
    Dedicated September 2020
    Holly ·
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    Thanks for your feedback!

    That is strange about your friend and I honestly don't think it is even that important to me-and I definitely agree that it has nothing to do with me. I may have misspoken and confused everyone. I don't tell stories well or really even write in a way that flows and makes sense.

    I think reading stories about people who have experienced that made me a little blue just because I haven't ever experienced it, but It may not need to be as important to me as I make it seem or it looks? IDK if that makes sense. For instance, I long for things I've never experienced and it comes back to me like a tsunami. Like never going to a party in HS, missing out on a lot of things i think "normal" people do. It can't be fear of missing out because half the time, I don't know what I've missed!

    Gahh! Anyway-thanks!


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  • Caitlin
    Devoted August 2020
    Caitlin ·
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    You’re not crazy! Before a few years ago, I had never been to a wedding! (I’m 25)
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  • Shaina
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
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    You def deserve to be married! I have had those thoughts too. I have also never been in a wedding, but I have been to a good amount of weddings.


    The feeling of never being asked to be in one kind of hurts a bit though, but I move on I guess. lol

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