Need your opinions about a guest..

I think you are just going to have to let this one go and allow him to bring the entire entourage. Since you included your website information on the invitation, and then left the option to add plus ones on the website RSVP page, you were pretty much saying it’s OK to do this, and I’m sure that’s the way this guy interpreted it. Add to that the fact you also included information about children being invited and childcare being provided. That is pretty much an invitation for everyone to bring their children. I doubt he was trying to be “sneaky” including the kids- he was just taking the cues you gave him on your wedding website. And because the children don’t live with him full-time, I am assuming they probably have them on weekends. This was likely one of those weekends. And since their time with them is so limited, he was likely grateful that you put on your website that children were invited and plus ones welcome.

Everyone else asked us, he was the ONLY one who didn't. He did not RSVP on the website, and i highly doubt he even looked at it (as i said most of his side didn't as they are french and the website was in english, so they just all went through my partner directly for info). The teenagers are not his children and we don't even know his partner. I have no idea what kind of relationship they have.

I get what you mean that we weren't clear on our side, we just didn't expect him to bring the 2 teenagers of his partner's and have them included in the adult count of our guest list, especially since he didn't even bother to check with us.

I’d probably say something like “hi. We’re so glad you’ll be coming to our wedding! Due to guest restrictions we will not be able to accommodate your entire family but you are more than welcome to bring your partner.”
Keep it short and sweet. I do think though that your website might be a little confusing to guests and you should consider adding a section that says plus ones will only be accommodated for those who were explicitly given one.

View Quoted Comment I understand that other people didn’t just take your cues, instead they asked. However, you cannot hold everybody to that standard, since you were not clear in your directions. If you didn’t want people to add plus ones, that should never have been made an option. And if you didn’t want people to bring their children, you shouldn’t invite children; and you certainly should not put on your website that children are invited and childcare will be provided. I don’t think this guest was intentionally doing anything sneaky or malicious. He was just taking your cues and acting accordingly. At this point, you have the option of either leaving things alone, since you kind of created the situation; or contacting this person and telling him that you don’t want him to bring his plus ones after all (which, personally, I could never do since it was my error that led to them being invited in the first place). I think this is something you should probably leave up to your fiancé to decide on, since it is his guest.

So if he had asked would you have said yes to him bringing everyone? If you would have said yes, you should definitely let this go. If they have a 5 year old together, he’s been in her other children’s lives for at least 6 years. Since you don’t know much about them, for all you know, he’s their primary father- I share my oldest with my ex but she lives with me and my husband 90% of the time so my husband is the father figure she’s with most frequently.

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We would have said no as they are basically bringing 4 adults. We just didn't expect they would bring the 2 teenagers from the partner's previous marriage, which we would now have to count to our adult guest list. We didn't invite some friends due to restrictions, and don't want to add 2 random teenagers whose spots could have gone to friends. My partner should have been clearer when inviting him.

View Quoted Comment You keep harping on the fact that these children are from a previous marriage without taking into account that your future spouse’s friend may view these teens as his own children, the same as their 5 year old who you seem fine with them bringing.

This is on you. It’s pretty rude to invite someone and exclude their partner in the first place, but I’m sure it was even more confusing for them when they got on your wedding website and it gave an option for a plus one and mentioned bringing kids. How did you find out that he’s planning to bring all 3 kids? Did he RSVP that way? If so, I would have your fiancé reach out and clarify. “Hey! We received your RSVP and we’re so glad you can make it to the wedding! Unfortunately, we’re already at max capacity so we won’t be able to accommodate the kids. Sorry for any confusion.”

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Glad I am not the only one seeing this. He may view those "random" teenagers as his children and may not want to treat them an different than his bio child. Step children, children from other marriages, whatever other category there is, are part of the family package.

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No he didn't RSVP at all and I'm almost certain he didn't go on the website. Our RSVP date was in February and he didn't even bother to RSVP by then, so my partner texted him to ask if he's coming with his wife and kid, NO reply. Then finally 2 days ago my partner called him to check as we really need to know numbers, and that's when we found out he planned to bring the entire entourage.

View Quoted Comment It’s super odd that you refuse to acknowledge that this is a family. It’s not like the friend is bringing his golf buddies, they’re his children. It’s a family, not an entourage.


If your fiancé spoke with this friend and didn’t tell him it wasn’t okay to bring the kids in the first place, I would just count your losses. Your fiancé had multiple opportunities to do this the right way and didn’t.

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In our opinion, he should have asked us and told us. Everyone else did. I'm not acknowledging they aren't a family. But the guy didn't even RSVP to tell us (especially as we only invited him and he wants to bring 4 other people!) We had to chase him up on the RSVP, and when my fiancé texted, he said "are you coming with your partner and child?" as we didn't even really know anything about the teenagers. He should have realised then. He didn't even bother to answer.

It wasn't until my fiancé had to call him and then he said he was coming with his partner, her 2 teenagers and his kid. So it's also the way it was done by him. If he had asked, we would have been more sympathetic., even if we didn't want the 2 extra "adults" there

View Quoted Comment Great response!!!!!

Just let him know that due to covid you cannot accommodate 5 extra people but he is welcome to bring his significant other.

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I agree with you and you have said this perfectly.

If your fiancé called him and just said "Hey, you never RSVPed, are you coming?" I could see how him inviting 4 others could be a bit much. BUT your fiancé said "Are you coming with your partner and child?" Which 100% opens it up to him inviting his partner, his bio child, and his STEP-CHILDREN, which is what those teens are. Since you opened up the invite to children, I don't really think you can take it back in this case. If you want to anyway, then I'd tell them that the invite was actually only for adults and only allow him and his partner.

View Quoted Comment I would just be honest with him about the children, esp if you’re having an adult only event. And apologize for the misunderstanding. This happened to me as well. Even after mentioning that we do not want children at the wedding, my cousins were RSVP’ed by their parents! So I had to tell them no.

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I agree with Jessi. I also think that if you call him and say the invitation was only for the friend and his partner, and not their kids, and there are other kids there, the couple will be upset.