Need wedding advice on secret in-between families

You should either tell your family or ask your FH to speak to his family. Why do you care if your family disapproves? Shouldn't you care more on what God thinks?!

Lying and secrets always backfire. Don't start a relationship or marriage unless you are mature enough to be honest. At the same time, some things are no one else's business but that is worlds different from try to maintain a lie or secret.

Own up to the decisions you have made and the things you have done in life. Being honest now is more important than erasing the time that you lived together. Al you need ever say is that you worried about making a lasting marriage, and whether or not you had the compatibility to make a Catholic marriage, for life. And you have decided you do and are getting married. Anything else, check with your priest. Who will tell you the important thing after stepping off the path is to examine your own conscience, and reconcile yourself with God, with or without the assistance of a priest. Parents have nothing to do with it. They have no business examining other people's relationship with God, including their grown children. It is true you lived together for a time. Nothing more is anyone else's business. Your family, and his, likely have a lot of opinions and advice. It is time you established some boundaries. And your religious life, and your relationship with your future husband, and your sex life, are all completely out of bounds for your parents. You need to work on civil ways of saying, that is our business, not yours, and we are not going to discuss it with you. With a nice smile on your face and a gentle voice.
No need to hide, or lie to cover up, or silence other people. FI Grandparent have a different standard than your family. So do a lot of Catholics, on sex, birth control, what is sinful or not. But you are an adult now. Decisions of morals and your conscience are up to you to decide.

Starting a marriage out lying (and asking others to do so also) is far worse than dealing with the aftermath of telling the truth. You could request the subject not be brought up at the wedding, but there’s no guarantee someone won’t slip
up. Would you rather face the awkward situation of asking FH’s family to not speak on the subject, then spend your entire wedding day worrying someone will accidentally slip up? Or would you rather fess up to your parents now and have it out of the way before the wedding?
Perhaps you and FH could speak with your priest and schedule a sit down with your parents so he could facilitate/mediate the discussion. It could prevent a blow up from your parents and could also provide them with reassurance that your honesty and actions show you are on the right path- hearing those things from a priest may make them feel more confident in you & your relationship. I’m sure your parents will be upset/disappointed in your past choices, but having your priest point out the respect and maturity it took for you both to come forward with the information, as well as the commitment you are both showing to your faith, will likely overshadow the initial shock and disappointment they feel. They will respect you and your fiancé much more if you take the mature honest route. Finding out from someone else is going to not only anger them more, but also embarrass and humiliate them that everyone else knew and they were being kept in the dark.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this!

Totally agree with Chrysta! Don’t start your marriage with a lie! Just because we are grown doesn’t mean we don’t slip up.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. At the end of the day, you two are adults. You made a decision, and as an adult, you need to be honest about that decision. If your parents get mad and disapprove of the relationship because of it, that is on them. You did what you felt was best for the two of you as a couple. The only people who need to be ok with that decision are you and your future spouse.

As a fellow Catholic who agrees that it's better to not live together before marriage, first I want to say good job on making that change and trying to live the faith better! That can be hard to do, but in many ways our faith is all about getting back up again and starting anew in a better way - and you're doing just that!
Of course, you know your parents better than I do, and given their closeness to you, they will probably feel and express disappointment. I would definitely recommend talking to your priest about this, first going to confession if you haven't already and second seeking out some advice as to how to have this conversation with your parents. I agree with the above comments in that you really should tell them. I totally get wanting to avoid that sort of confrontation... but its going to be really hard to avoid them ever finding out. Even if nothing does happen between now and the wedding, this secret has the rest of your lives to slip out. So often secrets fester in the heart, and I dont think you want to keep that looming in your minds for years to come. It's not a good way to start life together. Also, your parents will be far more upset if they find out from someone other than you, they'll be upset because of the living together, but possibly even more because of the lies and secrets.
You are both adults capable of making your own decisions. You made a choice, decided it was wrong, and then made a new choice. Own these decisions and come clean. The conversation is going to be hard and it might linger in painful ways, but it's better than the alternative. It'll hurt, but I think you'll feel a weight off your shoulders. How they'll react, I can't predict, but even if they don't approve of your relationship, they don't have any real ability to prevent you from getting married. Be patient with their reaction, and then move forward with what you and your fiance believe to be the right thing. Guidance from your priest can be great here. Chrysta's suggestion of possibly having the priest mediate is a great one as well! At the end of the day, Catholics are very much about forgiveness, so having seen your efforts to do better, they should be able to see that, even if it takes a little time. No sin or mistake is the end of the world. Frame the conversation in terms of you two actively trying to make right a decision you made and no longer agree with. In the Church's eyes, you're heading in the right direction. Soooo, have hope! It'll be a hard conversation, but it's necessary and for the best. I'll pray for you! God bless

I'm sorry you're in this predicament. Something I've learned is that the truth will always come out. I agree with the others, you should tell your family. It would be much worse if they found out from other people. What matters is that now you're doing things "the right way" . . getting married and then moving in. I'm sure they'll understand.

Hi Gracie,
As a not currently practicing Catholic, I can tell you that there is no sin in living together before marriage. Nothing in the Bible talks about living together before marriage. You should tell your family, because it will eventually come out and the longer you wait, the worse it will be.

My suggestion is to tell your family, and if you still feel guilt about it, go to confession. That is the most sure fire Catholic way to feel better about it.
I moved in with my fiancé at the beginning of quarantine and not one Catholic in my family batted an eye.

Are you sure your parents are really going to be that upset? If so, I would seriously and respectfully welcome a conversation to know why... We lived together before our recent wedding. I was raised Catholic, my parents are Catholic and us living together had no bearing on their judgement of us as a couple, married or non-married. They were way more invested in raising us to treat the world with kindness and find a life partner with those values. If I were you I'd be seriously happy to get married and move on without that kindof judgement in my life.