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Just Said Yes September 2018

Need to vent!

Ana818, on June 16, 2019 at 11:59 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

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So My husband and I have been married for about a year now and his younger sister got engaged recently after our wedding. They have started to plan now but i guess her fiancé isn't sure he wants a wedding. Twice now in the last two weeks my Mother in law has stated that her daughter must have a wedding because she wants to be the mother of the bride, because being the mother of groom isn't really a special role and the mother of the bride is more special and she's more excited to be a mother of the bride, which i do understand is more exciting because you do more planning but i said back to her i think its special to be the mother of the groom too and he was her first child and the first to get married. She made it seem like her daughters wedding is more important since its her daughter planning it. I was a little offended by it and its been said twice now right in front of me with just me his mom and sister talking. Are our children going to be less important because it was not her daughter

carrying them? maybe i get offended easily but I am. Thanks for listening

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Ana818, on June 17, 2019 at 6:44 PM

Super August 2022
Lynne · on June 17, 2019 at 12:42 AM
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I'd get offended too. My daughter is autistic and don't see her getting married. My son is 16 but when he is old enough to go do the marital road I'll be so happy to be mother of the groom.
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Devoted September 2020
Teresa · on June 17, 2019 at 12:57 AM
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I wouldn't get offended. Maybe shes closer to her daughter? I'm sure your day with her son was very special as well. Maybe she doesnt know how to express herself well? I would just brush it off.
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Super April 2020
Anna · on June 17, 2019 at 4:11 AM
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In a way I'm glad you post this. My fmil doesnt have any daughters. All boys. She has been so sweet to me since day 1. Now that I'm engaged, I have tried to keep her in the loop about the wedding. She was even there to help me pick out my dress. But I do get upset that shes being way to involve. Maybe I'm mad cause my mom is not involved at all. I wonder if I she feels this way. I dont think she does, but you never know.
But my mom has made comments like this. I think she didnt realize what she said. I would bring it up to ur husband. Just vent to him. But I wouldn't be too offended. Once you have yours, she'll be so crazy over them.
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Dedicated June 2020
Margaret · on June 17, 2019 at 5:53 AM
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I think it's always different when someone has a daughter. The same type of thing happens with my FH (first born) and his sister's. I just got to point where I don't really care. I lower expectations and match the effort. I know that as the first born daughter and grandchild, that I was always treated differently by my mother's parents (my brother was too come to think of it). I'm not excusing it or saying it's ok, and I would get offended too, but there is nothing you can do about it and I'd hate it if you or anyone else spent time and energy getting upset about things you can't control.
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Dedicated June 2020
Margaret · on June 17, 2019 at 5:55 AM
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I agree. Once your kiddos come, they'll be special. Don't borrow trouble (for yourself), it'll be okay!
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on June 17, 2019 at 7:34 AM
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I can see how you would be bothered by this, but I'm not sure it's as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. Maybe she feels like you didn't include her enough in planning and she's looking forward to helping her daughter. I don't think this is something you can really compare to children.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on June 17, 2019 at 9:26 AM
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I can understand why you would be upset but I wouldn’t worry about it. I have a son and daughter and I get where she’s coming from. My son got married in October and it was beautiful and amazing but I know when my daughter gets married it will be very different for me. My son is the oldest and we are very close but there is just something with a mother and daughter that’s hard to explain. My DIL didn’t really involve me in much and I can’t wait to do all of that with my daughter some day. Don’t take it personally or get to bother by it.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on June 17, 2019 at 12:15 PM
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I think you might be getting a little offended without that being MIL's intention. I understand where she is coming from a mother/son relationship is close and so is mother/daughter but they are different. She got to dance with her son at your wedding, she won't have that role at her daughter's wedding. But the MOB does have a very large role with planning, shower planning, and day of getting ready.

Try not to take offence she's excited for the NEW roles she'll have at this wedding. Your/DH wedding was just as important, but different.
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Devoted May 2020
Bride2020 · on June 17, 2019 at 12:49 PM
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I might be a little offended, but for her to be demanding her daughter have a wedding...she sounds kind of like a jerk. She probably was put on hold a bit for all her plans for your wedding (sounds like youre lucky) because she knows it's not her place to make suggestions to you that have any backing as the mother of the groom. Not financing things = no, FMIL, I don't need an ice sculpture and we aren't inviting all of your cousins. Yes, financing things (mother of the bride) = sure mom, I guess I have to say it's ok if your brother DJs and I use the same kind of flowers as you did at your wedding and use these ugly table settings. Sounds like she's more excited to have her way with a wedding than anything. I wouldn't take it personally.
Be there for your sister in law, it will bring you two closer if you go "hey, I'm sorry you're going through this (it's hard to go to your parents and tell them you don't want a wedding and have them tell you 'too bad!'), let me know how I can be there for you."
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on June 17, 2019 at 2:51 PM
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I would not be offended but I may feel hurt on behalf of my hubby if she continues to say this in front of you both.

However, there is a different bond with a mother/daughter and unless your MIL shopped with you for your dress, threw your bridal shower, etc., she may just be excited to do these things with her daughter. Don’t take it personally.
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Just Said Yes September 2018
Ana818 · on June 17, 2019 at 6:44 PM
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I think that’s why it does upset me more because i did include her in everything she shopped with me for my dress planned with my
mom
for the shower, we did invites together, she came to the taste testing, the open house at the barn my bachelorette party just so many things.
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