Need to vent..

I'm sorry!

My suggestion to you is not to postpone unless you absolutely have to because of government / county / city regulations. It sounds like you have a small enough wedding that everything should be fine. I suggest googling what the requirements are for weddings in the area you are getting married.

As one who is planning on going through with my 10/10 wedding - I know the state is mandating masks both indoors and outdoors - BUT..... they have noted that they will not attack anyone who is getting married with citations. So, what I'm saying is there are some exceptions to this awful new world we're currently in. And no, we're not fortune tellers, if we were we'd all be rich and uncaring.

Stop, breath, and think about what you and your FH really want. My FH told me the other day that while 2020 has been a complete $h*t show, knowing that we're getting married makes the year a pretty damn good and complete. So, has this year been awful to all us brides and caused lots of stress, it sure has.... but if you can marry the love of your life on the day you want, DO IT. Don't stress, when it's all over, everything else will seem so unimportant.

You just don't know what the future will hold. We opted to do a super small mini-ceremony on our original date (nearly everything was still shut down at that point, gatherings limited to 10 people, no hotels or indoor seating at restaurants), and postponed our big event to next year (or whenever really).

I say DEFINITELY get married now if you want to. Once you are actually married you'll feel less pressure about the wedding/party to follow. I hope we can have our event next year, but if not and we have to push it back to 2022 or later, it's not a big deal because it doesn't impact our marriage at all.

Also at our small ceremony everyone remained socially distant and it really didn't feel like a celebration at all. It was stressful and disappointing, but I'm 100% glad we did it given the situation. I personally would recommend getting married and doing it whatever way is going to make it feel special within the confines you have. If you try to make it something it's not you'll be more likely to be disappointed, but if you accept what you can do and focus on what is most important, it will still feel special.

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Yes, our ceremony venue kept giving us hope that since our guest count is so small, it could be allowed. Then told us we'd have to wear masks during the ceremony, which is a huge no for me. And our reception venue is shut down. So there's no going through with it as originally planned unfortunately. Definitely focusing on the marriage as the most important thing, but after being in an 8 year relationship and so excited to finally marry the man of my dreams with a beautiful wedding, and everything come crashing down - it's a huge disappointment.

I'm so over wedding planning it's not even funny. We were originally set for May 23 in a State Park in NY with 120 people. Postponed it April 2nd to August 14 at the same location with 30. We made the call a week ago to scrap the whole thing and get married in our backyard with 35.

We might have some small parties with each side of the family so each of us can meet the other's extended family but that will be something our mom's will plan. I don't care about the big wedding anymore. It's not worth the mental and emotional stress.

I think you and your significant other have to make that call together.

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Yeah, we want to get married ASAP since we've been together for 8 years and we were really looking forward to this day, as everyone else was. But my huge thing is, I'm not going to keep pushing back a wedding after I'm already married. That's just pointless to me - and I don't feel any pressure for a party.. I'm only sad that it can't go as planned. Just not sure if I'm ready to throw in the towel and forfeit all the plans we had - yet still don't want to pray for everything to be better next year, and it not be any different. Of course, we'll just have to decide and hope it works out for the best.

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Has the reception venue at least offered a refund? Can you have the reception somewhere else?

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Yes, I can totally relate. I'm so sorry your day didn't go as planned either. It sucks to see so many people's big day ruined. That's exactly where I'm at, too much stress to just continue to postpone and cross your fingers. It just sucks to think that had the wedding been planned just before March or whenever, everything would've been fine.

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We put down $500 for both the ceremony venue & reception venue. The ceremony offered a refund (which was the place I loved the most and didn't want to give up) and the reception venue has not. Other than our ranch, not sure where else we could have a reception. Our county/state is still high in numbers with a lot of things restricted.

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Totally get it. We postponed our event to next year because we couldn't get any refunds at all and all of our vendors were willing to honor our deposits and 2020 rates into next year, so postponing made sense compared to outright canceling. If things aren't better next year and we have the option to postpone again at no cost, we would probably do so, but if our vendors came back and said it was going to cost us more I'm not sure we would. Right now we don't see any benefit to canceling outright, so keeping the option alive of having our wedding next year just makes sense.

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Ranch sounds beautiful. I think I'd forgo the $500 for the reception deposit and worry about that later and do something at your Ranch.

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Yeah there's one too many things to take into consideration! But I'm glad you figured it all out and did what was best for you guys! Now if only I could make a damn decision lol

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Well, we were going to postpone entirely but my mom was diagnosed with cancer just 10 days before our original date, so when we found out we changed our plans again and decided to move ahead with a mini-ceremony on our original date. I really hope you don't have some horrible family medical emergency that forces you to make a decision.

Honestly though, I was so distraught and really in a bad place about it that whatever decision we made should have just been whatever was going to be best for my mental health at that point. It ended up being just going ahead and getting married despite the pandemic restrictions. I will say definitely base your decision on what YOU and your partner want - don't let how your parents or wedding party members will feel influence you. Your marriage is between the two of you and a pandemic wedding is a perfect time to focus on YOUR needs. If you asked yourself "what do I want?" what's the first thing you think of. Is it "I want to be married" or "I want to celebrate with my family and friends" or something else. Let the absolute most important things to you be your priorities and influence how you decide.

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I'm so sorry to hear that. I wish your mom the absolute best. We've definitely always based the decisions off of what we want, rather than anyone else, but now he's leaving it all up to me because he knows how much I looked forward to our plans, but it's so exhausting at this point. Thank you for your kinds words and advice!

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My husband did the same thing - he said he wanted to do what would make me happy (and less stressed) and I didn't know what I wanted so that made me feel even more pressure to make the right decision. Him deferring to me was with the best of intentions but actually made it worse. I feel for you and you are definitely not alone! Best of luck with whatever you decide.

We postponed for 5 months and still have to cut the list to 50 people, and we’re 36 days away. My advice: don’t postpone and just do a small guest count and dinner/reception. The mental turmoil of planning for the unknown isn’t worth it. Best of luck to you.

View Quoted Comment Yeah that’s what I’m i was worried about. So you recommend just scrapping the plans and sticking to something small? I also worry about any risk with having a small gathering 😞

View Quoted Comment Go with what you won’t regret in 5 years. We are working it out with our 50 person list how to space out and make it safe. But whatever brings you the most peace.