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Dedicated May 2022

Need to finalize guest list, having some trouble

Elysia, on June 14, 2020 at 9:55 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 19

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We’re hoping to send out save the dates soon and need to finalize our guest list. Our venue is small and only holds 50 people. We made a list that is just shy of that number of the family and friends we are closest to. My question is, is it okay to invite some of my cousins but not all? I am inviting two (on two sides of my family, I have only one cousin). On the other side of family that I am not planning to invite, my cousins+their significant others totals up to 17. We would have to cut out our close friends to make that happen, which we obviously do not want to do. Is it okay to stick with this plan? I am hoping that they will understand it’s not personal, we’ve just chosen to do something more intimate with the people we’re closest to. Any advice is appreciated!

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19 Comments

Latest activity by Martha, on June 16, 2020 at 4:44 PM

Master August 2021
Jasmine · on June 14, 2020 at 10:22 AM
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That is absolutely ok! Don't feel you need to invite anyone just because they're family. If you haven't talked with them forever or had a falling out of some sort, don't invite them. Like you said, just those that are closest to you is all that matters. Even if it means some family don't get invited.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 14, 2020 at 12:18 PM
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I think so. I had a big wedding but even then my husband didn’t even want to invite all of his family aha purely cause he didn’t want to
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Super November 2020
Mindy · on June 14, 2020 at 1:17 PM
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I would only invite who you are closest with. My fiancé isn’t inviting any extended family while I invited the entire first branch on my side.
He also has more friends and coworkers coming and the only friends I invited are already my bridesmaids.
And at the end of the day, if you aren’t close to begin with, you shouldn’t feel obligated to invite them.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on June 14, 2020 at 2:14 PM
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For daughter's wedding she invited all the cousins on my side (they grew up in close proximity and spent a lot of time together), but on her dad's side, she only invited one. All of that side of the family lives 2000 miles away from us, but the one cousin and her parents have come to visit us many times over the years and the cousin went to college about 4 hrs from us and used to spend holidays with us. The rest, at most she sees once every couple yrs, and she's not close to them, and they and their families have never made the effort to come visit us. Those cousins' parents, her aunts and uncles on her dad's side, were all invited and almost all of them came (for several it was their first trip to CA in the 40+ yrs their brother has lived here). No one said anything to us about their kids not being invited. Do what you need to do!
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Expert December 2020
Kayse · on June 14, 2020 at 3:46 PM
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I hate the idea of inviting people out of obligation, so I also think it's ok not to invite them all.
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Master 0000
Judith · on June 14, 2020 at 6:43 PM
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I think your wedding is small, and you need to draw a line. It is the usual thing to invite people according to the degree of the closeness of your relationship . You are closer to friends. You both make time and regularly put forth the effort to maintain your friendships, something neither you nor your cousins do. Extended family does not automatically come before friends, and don't let othwrs convince you it should. Have a family reunion, or make an effort to see these people after you are married, if you want more of a relationship. For now, your current friends are closer, and should be invited before family you infrequently see.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on June 15, 2020 at 10:43 PM
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It's fine to not invite all cousins. It's not fine to not invite some guests' SOs.
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Dedicated May 2022
Elysia · on June 16, 2020 at 9:00 AM
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Thank you for the advice! The people in question I don’t really see much or talk to very often. So I think I’m making the right call. I’m glad you understand where I’m coming from. I thought people would say that I had to invite them.
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Dedicated May 2022
Elysia · on June 16, 2020 at 9:01 AM
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Thanks for your input!
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Dedicated May 2022
Elysia · on June 16, 2020 at 9:03 AM
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That makes sense to me, especially since our venue is small. I’m the kind of person who always wants to make everyone happy, which is probably why I was worrying about this in the first place. But the whole point of a small wedding is my fiancé and I aren’t comfortable at huge gatherings and are both a little shy. We’d rather celebrate the day with people we love.
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Dedicated May 2022
Elysia · on June 16, 2020 at 9:04 AM
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It’s good to hear that people are generally understand about this! Thank you!
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Dedicated May 2022
Elysia · on June 16, 2020 at 9:07 AM
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That’s exactly what it would be if we invited any more people, obligation. We already put some rules in place like “no invites to people we haven’t spoken to in x years” and “no kids” (the venue is not kid friendly!). After all the supportive responses here, I am comfortable sticking with my plan and keeping my guest list where it is!
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Dedicated May 2022
Elysia · on June 16, 2020 at 9:10 AM
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Thank you for your response. You make some great points, I like the idea of having a gathering with people we aren’t able to invite later. We’re going to keep our guest list where it is, so we have immediate family, grandparents, and friends.
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Dedicated May 2022
Elysia · on June 16, 2020 at 9:14 AM
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Got it. For everyone we are inviting, we’re inviting their SO as well if they have one. There are only two people whose SO’s we are not inviting and it is because we have never met them and are not comfortable with strangers at our wedding. The relationships are also very on and off again and are not serious. There will be plenty of people that those two people know in attendance.
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Devoted February 2024
Martha · on June 16, 2020 at 12:22 PM
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Very very true I see my friends in Chicago a lot more than I see my cousins, I live in MN now but even when I lived in IL and we were all in the same state unless I went to see my cousins they didn't reach out or visit. I will be inviting those people closest to me and my FH, the people that have made an effort to keep the relationship alive.
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Expert December 2020
Kayse · on June 16, 2020 at 12:40 PM
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Glad to hear that. I wish we could "normalize" not inviting every single family member and person we've ever known to weddings, lol.
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Master 0000
Judith · on June 16, 2020 at 12:53 PM
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"Friends are the family you choose for yourself" I cannot remember who first said it, but so true for weddings.
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Master August 2021
Jasmine · on June 16, 2020 at 1:21 PM
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No problem. I hope your day is wonderful and stress free.
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