Need some advice around inviting guests to our wedding

I think this is very much for your fiance to handle - he handles his family, you handle yours.

In addition to that, no cash, no input - and that works both ways - it means don't accept cash if you can't handle input, and they can't expect to get to make choices on things if they're not providing some of the money.

So, my general advice would be to sit down with your fiance and tell him it's making you anxious that it keeps being suggested that you inflate your guest list by all these people and you want to check you're still on the same page. Then, ask him if he is on board to shut her down next time with whatever phrase makes him comfortable -

"we've already chosen our guest list."

"we've already discussed this - we've chosen who we'd like to invite and x hasn't made the cut."

"we want something small and intimate, and we've already chosen who we'd like to invite"

or even just the very blunt

"that won't work for us."

If he's on the same page then there's nothing to worry about, and if he's not, then you'll ahve a chance to figure out a good compromise that both of you can live with instead. Good luck!

Https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/elope-now-ceremonyreception-to-follow/5ea7fee62604d5c4.html This thread lf posts explains why calling a vow renewal an actual wedding does not go over well with people not invited to the legal ceremony.


You need to decide if you want a large wedding or an elopement and call it a day. People will be happy for you either way and it’s common to just send announcements after the legal ceremony and leave it at that. But many do not appreciate the deception of the renewal called the actual wedding when you have already married. Even if they don’t say anything to you, they will still be offended. While people claim that etiquette is thrown out the window because of Covid and it’s done “by everyone” these days, that doesn’t make it polite or acceptable in various social circles.
Set and maintain boundaries now as a team because you will be faced with similar situations in the future where family tries to dictate your life choices if you do not stand firm with boundaries.

Your fiancé has to handle his family and then present a united front. I'd suggest something like "the guest list is not up for discussion, we're doing what works for us". Repeat when necessary.