Emily
Dedicated April 2022

Need sibling advice

Emily, on May 17, 2021 at 1:20 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 28
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My sister is getting married just a few months after I am though she got engaged before I did so she's been planning for a little bit longer. She is concerned our weddings will be too similar and has been telling me I can't do/have certain things that she's going to have for her wedding.

How do I begin planning for my wedding without upsetting her? I have been trying to make a mental list of things she has asked me not to do but im having a hard time finding things that I like that she hasn't already taken. We grew up together so we naturally have similar tastes. I want to be respectful but I also want to be able to feel like I can have my dream wedding too.

28 Comments

Latest activity by Grace, on May 17, 2021 at 8:28 PM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    What kinds of things specifically is she asking you stay away from? Honestly, weddings are all pretty similar to each other in general. I think, as long as you avoid the same exact color scheme and same 1st dance song, you're pretty good to go.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I agree with PP - weddings can be so similar already! what is she asking you not to do?

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  • Emily
    Dedicated April 2022
    Emily ·
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    The first and only thing my fiance has really wanted is to wear red/Burgundy suit colors and so we are planning on doing corresponding with bridesmaids and groomsmen. My sister said she wanted that color included in her color palette but didn't tell me until after we had already started looking at suits for him and bridesmaid swatches. As far as our other colors go they are the opposite of hers but she claims she can't do it anymore because we want to do red attire and she wanted red decor.
    Secondly, her venue type is a barn and she says even if I found a barn venue that was different from hers we can't get married in a barn because she is already which has really brought down our available venue options.


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  • Emily
    Dedicated April 2022
    Emily ·
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    We can't have the same type of venue (example she's getting married in a barn and we can't even get married in a totally different one),bridesmaid and groomsmen attire colors because she wanted that color in her palette she was going for even though it's the only color that we would both be using.
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  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    She needs to chill. If your other colors are different and the bridesmaids won't match, it'll be different enough. Also, same thing with venue. Don't pick the same exact venue. Otherwise, if you want a barn, go with a barn.
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Michelle ·
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    You get to have YOUR wedding the way YOU want it. Who cares if it overlaps in some details? Your sister is out of line, period. She doesn’t own the color red/burgundy, and especially since that was something your fiancé said he wanted, he gets to choose it. Your wedding will still be yours and a reflection of you and your fiancé. Her wedding will still be a reflection of her and her fiancé. Politely tell her that you will be planning the wedding you want and that it is ok if things overlap. If she gets angry, that’s on her. She’ll be the one earning the title “bridezilla.”
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  • Emily
    Dedicated April 2022
    Emily ·
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    I agree she is being a bit of a Bridgeville. I just don't know how to approach her about it if she gets upset with me and thinks I'm out to steal her ideas. I get that she wants to have a different wedding than me,but some things will end up being similar naturally even if we made a list of all the stuff we each wanted/didn't want.
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  • Emily
    Dedicated April 2022
    Emily ·
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    *bridezilla *
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Michelle ·
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    My best friend and her sister both got married at the same venue a month apart. The weddings were still completely different because they were planned by different people. Your sister needs to get over it. And why does she get the first pick of everything, while you have to change your plans?
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
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    She needs to step back and chill out. Even with the same colors, your wedding will not look anything like hers.

    You can take a look at offbeatbride.com for ideas. Also eventective.com or the local parks department for a venue.

    Also do not share your plans with her or anyone else except fiancé.

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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    It’s kind of you to keep her wishes in mind, but you have to plan the wedding you want. I would limit how much information you’re sharing, especially surrounding details. The less she knows, the less she can nit pick.
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Just plan the wedding you want. If she asks/confronts you, say something to the effect of: “This is what I have chosen for my wedding, and the decision is mine to make. I understand you are upset, however, we will both still get to enjoy our respective wedding visions.” If she continues to be upset, either repeat that this s the choice you are making for your wedding or end the conversation (“I’ll gladly discuss this with you once you have calmed down.”) Repeat as needed.
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  • Emily
    Dedicated April 2022
    Emily ·
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    I agree. I'm also just nervous because she's going to be one if my bridesmaids and im one of hers. Thankfully we both agreed to not be eachothers MOH but I feel like if there is drama it could make things tense between us and our weddings. Im sure whatever I do ill just have to go with the flow and whatever happens happens.
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  • Emily
    Dedicated April 2022
    Emily ·
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    Thank you Michelle. She is younger but she's always been the more outspoken one so I just need to learn to speak up for myself when she gets that way. I'm sure she didn't expect wedding planning to be as stressful as it is in real life so she's going to have to learn to chill.
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  • Emily
    Dedicated April 2022
    Emily ·
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    Wow good for them! And I bet both weddings were awesome! I think because since she got engaged first she wants to have dibs and say that I'm copying all her ideas because I didn't get engaged until four months after she did...
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  • Emily
    Dedicated April 2022
    Emily ·
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    I agree and I'll continue to remind myself and her of that and not to worry. And thank you! Those are great resources and I will be sure to be more mums the word with anyone else who doesn't need to know. I appreciate your advice!
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I wish you the best! Wedding planning is stressful enough 🙂 If need be, remind her that in the end a) no one will notice, much less remember, and b) in the end, all of these teeny details don’t matter in the end. Even you won’t be able to remember them 10 years down the road. If you do, you won’t care. Set some solid boundaries with her. If you give in to her demands here, that only reinforces her behavior and she’ll keep pulling that kind of behavior.


    Best of luck! You’ll have an amazing, beautiful wedding!
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  • Kim
    Dedicated April 2021
    Kim ·
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    I would put my foot down. If she loves you then she would want you to be happy. If that means you also get married at a Barn with the same color scheme then so be it. It’s YOUR wedding. Do what makes you happy and don’t apologize for it. Sometimes you just got to be stern. I’m genuinely a nice person too and sometimes have a hard time voicing my opinion because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve learn that people will walk all over you if you don’t speak up! It’s your wedding so what makes you and your husband to be happy. If she loves you she will understand. Instead of telling you yes and no to certain things why not work together?
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Talk to her about you two not talking about specific things. And also, that one of you does not "own" anything or any idea, or any color. If you are not talking about things and they happen be chance, then they do. There is no award for being unique in wedding planning. 2 people can use the same colors on the same venue and turn out completely different weddings by chance.
    But as you point out, some things will be the same because you have similar taste. But she does not own them. Share less.
    If using burgundy is something your guy wants, so what if she uses some in tablecloths or flowers? I was at school when 2 sisters sent me attire requests, at 5 and seven months away. One to be MOH with 5 bm, and one to be a soloist, with only a MOH and bm, and us two musicians at the altar. My mom kept saying, keep your mouth shut, and don't worry about it. Be glad you get to buy just one dress, and a cape for one. I have always likes a beaded sparkly grey, and was waiting weeks til Christmas when we would all be home.Need sibling advice 1
    One very Spanish and southwestern, the other, colors of the Aurora Borealis. Each with black suits and tuxes. How everyone laughed to see Each, separately, had chosen the same silver dress for me.Possibilities with Burgundy are endless. Pledge to say nothing, and see.
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  • Emily
    Devoted June 2021
    Emily ·
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    It sounds like in some way, she’s jealous of you and your wedding. This reminds me a lot of my SIL... My advice- do what you want, maybe don’t announce what you are doing to anyone except your FH, and then she won’t know until the wedding day. Weddings can be very similar in general, so you need to have your perfect day and your sister certainly shouldn’t stand in your way.
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