Need Serious Help...So Overwhelmed but Underwhelmed at Same Time....

My fiancé is from that area and suggested the venue, but I wish I did a more simplistic and low key wedding. I have NEVER even seen my venue and I only have one week coming up in November to go down to SC before my wedding to see my venue and get things in order (my wedding isn’t until March, 2018). I know I can plan from over the phone/from another state but it isn’t the same. It also doesn’t help that my mom makes silly remarks about having Easter themed wedding cakes and says that I’m being ridiculous with spending a fortune on a wedding photographer. I guess I’m super stressed and I have no idea what is left to do. My wedding is again in March of 2018, but I feel lost and extremely behind. My wedding planner is technically my future mother in law (she has a side business) but I know she has other weddings and isn’t getting paid for her time…so I feel all alone. I also have no one to coordinate the day of and I don’t have it in my budget to hire anyone. MY FMIL said her and one other family member will help the day of, but this is leaving me feel anxious. I have no idea what to do…I don’t have a vision anymore.

Breath. Its not worth it to freak out. I have been using the checklist on here and that has helped me a lot with my planning. Do you have catering and dj set up? Also, try talking to your FH. He may not know how stressed this is making you.

My venue is a hotel so they provide food and alcohol. Even the tables and some decorations so I am good in that regard. I have told my fiancé and he sees how stressed I am but it doesn't change anything.

Definitely take a few deeps breaths and a step back, and evaluate what you really want from the day. You're 5 months out, you could still change your plans if you want (depending on budget and if you'll get refunds if you drop your venue).

The most important thing (and concern of mine) is your FH's lack of interest, concern or involvement. I understand he was deployed earlier this year, but he's home now and should be helping you with planning and paying vendors. He should be taking away your stress, not adding to it.

I wouldn't worry so much about things being ready for your wedding. I think the bigger concern is that your FH is not helping with this process, even though you mentioned him picking the venue which is not something you seem happy with. Him understanding that you're overwhelmed is really not enough. He needs to be actively involved, and you have to have a serious discussion with him about this. Tell him it's time for him to step up if he wants to have this wedding and give him the numbers to call.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am planning a wedding in WI from NC, and most of this planning is not my fiancé's interest. We're also right around the same time frame, though 6 months out. Do you have bridesmaids or groomsmen closer to the location who can help you out? And I know all of the fine details are not a guys interest, so my fiancé has found other ways to help around. He has started helping me with some of my home tasks, which is extremely helpful when I have to address 60 save the dates. While I don't have much of his help with the fine details, I have found it's easier to relax and look at where he had taken time to help around. And I know regardless of all the planning that could be put into it, anything could happen, but all that matters is that we are all fortunate enough to marry the loves of our lives and will be starting a marriage. I hope the best for you with the planning! And just remember to not worry about the small details as much, as the most important is celebrating your love with family and friends.

Are you able to stop planning for a weekend? Just so you can do something with FH that doesn't involve wedding? We are planing a wedding in FL but are currently living in CO. So I get the struggle. It will all work out! Soon you'll be married and that's all that will matter!

I think around 5-6 months out, I started getting extremely stressed, too! Definitely take a little break and do something fun for yourself. Also, what's your venue?

My venue is the Westin Poinsett. I will be honest and didn't want to mention this and seem like a spoiled brat, but my parents have generously offered to pay for the wedding if that makes the scenario different. We are just taking care of the DJ, our attire and a few other things (helping cover the cost of some of the photographer for example). He is offering to pay for things when I do mention things like... "Oh, you don't have to pay and you also aren't really involved with planning...you just get the fun part of it and that's attending." The only vendors left are the cake and florist at this point and my hair and makeup trials...so I'm not sure how he can help out witht that since essentially most men aren't too good with that kind of stuff. The venue included the food, alcohol and tables/chairs and some decor like I said so that helped a lot. He does seem excited about suit shopping and told me he preferred this color scheme over that, but it is more me showing him stuff and him telling me his opinion. He isn't taking the initiative to actually do it on his own. He told me, "I have no idea what to do. If you tell me I will do it." I guess I'm expecting him to stereotypically act like another woman...lol.

I know now it was stupid to have my parents pay. I feel like a baby and they are able to dictate everything. It also makes me feel like my fiancé again has no serious skin in the game like I said...if he were paying half and half, he would be saving and want to be more involved.

You saying that most men aren't really good at that stuff is you giving him the excuse and pass to do nothing. Him helping with wedding planning doesn't mean he's acting like a woman. This is his wedding too. If you have to hire a cake vendor, how can he not help with that? Is he incapable of eating cake and saying "I like the way that one tastes"? I mean let's be serious here, just because he's a man does not mean he shouldn't help. Yes, flowers are maybe different in some regard because you should pick out your bouquet and what your bridesmaids will hold, but shouldn't he have input for the boutonnieres and centerpieces if you choose to have them? For your hair and make up trial wouldn't you want his input? It seems like you went from saying you're frustrated and stressed because he's not helping with anything to now saying he has an excuse and shouldn't help with anything. Come on. That is not the way you should be thinking of your relationship. You do not want all the responsibility to fall on you for these important decisions throughout your marriage, so I wouldn't be giving him a pass on anything.

ETA - many of the people on here have parents who help financially with their wedding. It's not something to be ashamed of, and it doesn't seem like them paying stopped you from being very stressed with planning. If you're very stressed then it's up to your FH to help you because you two are in this together.

Lots of people's parents pay for their wedding. Don't beat yourself up over that. You mentioned your FH has offered to help if you tell him what to do. Ask him what part of the wedding is most important to him. Give him specific tasks. He can easily address envelopes or send emails/make phone calls. My FH is not taking a lot of initiative in doing planning stuff either but like you, I show him things and he gives his opinion. We have made all final decisions together though. I'm thinking about putting him on hiring the DJ. But anyway, I also agree with what PP have said. You have enough time where you can take a planning break to collect yourself before it starts getting real busy again. Do it for your sanity.

I am confused about what you are so stressed about. It sounds like both your parents and his parents are involved in the planning, and almost everything is paid for.

It sounds like this is not at all about wedding planning and more about you feeling disconnected from FH. So take a break from planning and just hang out and have fun with him for a week or two. Don't talk about the wedding. Just enjoy being in love.

FWIW my H was involved almost not at all in the planning and it didn't bother me at all. Do you actually need/want him to be involved, because you are overwhelmed about something? Or do you just feel like he should be, and worry that he doesn't care about your marriage since he doesn't care about the wedding? My H was super super excited to be married - so excited that he would have been happy going to a courthouse immediately! But I wanted a wedding, and he was not excited about a wedding. It means nothing about how much he loved me or wanted to be married.

I am not giving him enough credit I guess. He is coming to the cake tasting/food tasting. Just hasn't reached out to vendors. I would like him at hair/makeup trial but I decided against it, because I thought it would be weird...seems like it wouldn't be a bad idea? I know he wants to get married, he proposed and said he would have paid for it if he had to...I guess I'm just overthinking things as always.

Also, I understand what you all are saying. I truly do. But he's the type of guy who would say he liked anything I liked...so yes I want his input on décor and such but he'd like anything, lol.

My FH is very involved and has a lot of opinions, but I'm still the "director" of everything. He wouldn't call vendors either unless I said we had to. He just doesn't know. Sounds like you need to talk to him and start doing some stuff together!