Need help with moh

It sounds like you might be expecting a bit too much from her, tbh. I agree that missing the rehearsal would be a bad move on her part, but she's not obligated to help you set up for the wedding. She's not an employee. If she buys the dress and shows up at the wedding, she's done her job. Anything else is a cherry on top.

I personally don't agree with the "all a moh or BM has to do is buy a dress and show up" they are supposed to support and help in whatever ways they can not just stand there for pictures. Honestly you think your friend that you picked to be a member of the begining of the rest of your life as a married couple and your most important day of your life is supposed to just show up for pictures in a dress. No, they are supposed to calm your nerves and give you encouraging words and take stress off of you, and just be there for and with you and help you set up and help address envelopes ahead of time and answer your phone if people call for directions so you can focus on you and help you pee when your all dressed up and get u water if you need it. It's pretty lame that people think your "best friend" is supposed to just buy a dress and show up. I mean the word maid is in the title!!! (I know they are referring to a young women, but come on)

Do a quick Google search of BM duties... Nowhere does it say they are to just show up. That is why ppl are ASKED to take on the responsibility. If they feel they can't do all that is involved then they should turn it down.

Just ask your friend to be there. Say it's important to you. And I hate to say it, but if she's not willing to be there the way you want then you know what kind of friend she is.

It is not your maid of ho it’s job to set up the venu. If you only asked her to be as a servant to you then I think maybe you asked for the wrong reasons. I read those articles. The girls who wrote them seem willing to hurt people for one day.

View Quoted Comment So what does the fiancé do?

I don't think the "MAID" of honor should be labeled as a servant. That comment made me cringe. I am, however, on the wagon that says it's more than just your bridal party's job to buy the dress an show up. I don't think it's mandatory to help but I think it's the nice thing to do.

I think it's great that your MOH is willing to help. Maybe sit down and talk to her, explain that the idea of her doing things between the rehearsal and the wedding makes you nervous and that you'd prefer to have her close by so nothing happens and nothing holds up the wedding. That seems pretty reasonable. I also think that expecting her to give you 100% of all her time is a bit much. I see nothing wrong with her wanting to grab breakfast (if there's time) or any other meal with another friend. You could also try asking her to see if the make up person could come to her. Yes, it's your big day but that doesn't mean that she's going to be as excited and as focused as you. I don't think anyone can be as excited as a bride lol

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So... do you think the bridal party just stands up there with pretty dresses on as a favor to me and a dress-up opportunity for them? Genuinely curious because if that's the case, then what's the point?

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Well, you see, in the indentured servant contract she signed with me, she promised to help me set-up my "venu," help me when I need to pee, and sacrifice a goat in my honor.

View Quoted Comment She had to sign a contract be be your MOH? Can I ask you why you want her as you MOH ?

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I was being sarcastic -- of course she didn't have to sign a contract, just like how I didn't ask her to be a "servant" or sacrifice a goat. She did, however, offer to help me set-up, help me with my dress when pee, help me not step on my dress or veil, let me know if I get food in my teeth, etc. I want her as my MOH because she's my best friend, and normally very reliable, organized and responsible.

View Quoted Comment And she is helping you with those things. Why is she missing rehearsal? Plus when are you getting hair and make up done ?

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Yeah, that's the point. I told her about the rehearsal maybe 2 months ago (my wedding is in October) so I wanted to give her the heads-up early with no surprises, and she was already trying to get out of it and asking if she really had to be there, like she had something else to do. We're getting hair and now makeup (because she was going to wander off) on-site in between setting up the venue and the ceremony -- approximately 2.5ish hours in between set-up and pre-ceremony photos.

View Quoted Comment For two that should be plenty of time. I would tell her you would love Jesus her there. I font know if it is work related but both mine and my fiancés job is having d to get time off.

View Quoted Comment Everybody knows what a fiance vs a friend does... Your fiance sure as hell isn't getting ready with you on the day of your wedding or around to calm your nerves. You can't vent to your fiance about how he's not helping as much as you'd like or about the crazy thing his mother did or said. You use your MoH for those things. . Op is upset bc her MoH isnt going to be around for the rehersaal or to get ready with her. It's understandable to be upset about those things.

View Quoted Comment Of course not. They stand with you because they’re honored love ones expressing support for your marriage. Of course she should come to the rehearsal, but expecting her to do physical labor is unfair. That is your job, either to do or to arrange. As for leaving to get her hair done, it’s well within her rights! Some people suck at doing their own hair (me included). If you didn’t arrange hair on-site, then what else is she supposed to do?

She really should be at the rehearsal and should get ready with you, but I don't think its fair of you to ask your bridal party to help set up for the wedding, and I REALLY don't think you should have to do that either! Brides are supposed to be getting hair and makeup done and trying to ease nerves before the wedding, not doing manual labor. I would try to hire people to set up, and tell your MOH that it hurts your feelings that she'd rather get breakfast with another friend than be with you on one of the most important days of your life.

I think you just need to be honest and express to her how important it is for her to be present to these events. It’s shes your closest friend (obviously assuming as she’s your MOH) then she should more than understand

Ah, I see. I triggered everyone by saying "set-up." Allow me to clarify: The tables, chairs, arch, and everything else heavy will already be set-up by the time we arrive at the venue in the morning. But being the slave-driver that I am, I did ask my bridal party to help me put name cards at each seat, maybe light a few candles, put a guest book on a table, etc.

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THANK YOU!!

View Quoted Comment Sorry I was lurking in this thread, but just had to say you just crack me up with your sense of humor 🤣🤣 I love it

I don't think you are expecting too much from her, it is your day, and the last thing you need is to worry where your bridesmaids are (which is a MOH task). I would just sit her down and say "While I understand that you want breakfast with X, I really need you there with me while we get ready because I am nervous and I need my bestie beside me."

If you frame it more emotionally than expectations, I hope you will have a better outcome.