Hi ladies! Was hoping to maybe get some opinions on what to do. Sorry in advance for the long post. Pic of my fiancé and i for attention My fiancé and I got engaged September 1 2019. We are supposed to get married September 25 2021. I have my dress and deposits on venue (catering and bar included), photographer, limo, hair and makeup and a dj. However, in May of this year, my dad passed away. We were really close and he was the life of the party. The thought of him not walking me down the aisle or being able to celebrate makes me sick. I havent really done much wedding planning these past 6 months cause I’ve been coping with losing my dad. I feel like I’m super behind now. I also hate planning for the wedding now. It used to be fun but now it’s all just extremely stressful and gives me anxiety. My fiancé and I also just bought a house a month ago. I keep looking at how much we’re going to spend for the wedding and thinking about how much we could do to our house with that money instead. I just cant believe how much money we are about to dish out for one day. My fiancé and I have been talking about what to do. We could just continue planning and have the wedding as originally planned. Maybe get a wedding planner and see if they can help me with it all to relieve anxiety but they all seem so expensive (like $5k). My other thought is just have a small ceremony and throw a party for friends and family in our backyard with it catered. I just worry that may be stressful for me as well. I’ve also thought of just saying screw it and getting eloped but i dont want to upset friends and family. I love my fiancé and honestly the only thing i care about now is being married to him. He says he supports me in whatever I decide. I just feel like I need to make a decision here somewhat soon. What do you guys think?
- I love my fiancé and honestly the only thing i care about now is being married to him. He says he supports me in whatever I decide. —> This! How does intimate wedding sounds like to you guys? Since you guys don’t really care how the wedding is, just want to get married, you save tons of money and have more money for the house instead.
View Quoted Comment
We have sat down to talk about it. He knows a lot of my worrying has to do with losing my dad so he wants to support me. He has brought up a lot of good points for pros and cons for each situation should that be our decision. He doesn’t just say “yes” but is supportive of me and wants to make sure the experience of our wedding is joyful and the least stressful as possible
First off I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in the process of planning our wedding and it was so hard to keep planning while grieving. Our venue had required a wedding coordinator and oh my goodness, game changer. She was so helpful in planning, designing and coordinating; all we had to do was wait and pay. At the end of the day, all I could focus on was my now husband, but we had a great time celebrating with family and close friends. It was a nice way to end the year on a wonderfully high note (though I spent a good chunk of time crying on the floor after guests were gone). There’s no one way to go about all the life changes you’re experiencing. Just follow your gut and do what’s right for you and your fiancé. Acknowledge that you have a lot going on throughout and honor whatever decisions you feel are best. Best wishes 💕
View Quoted Comment
I’m so sorry for your loss as well, thank you for reaching out, it’s nice to hear from someone in a similar situation. Maybe I will look more into wedding planners and see if there’s something a bit more affordable in my area 💕
Wow, I’m sorry for your loss. Such a tough thing to be going through. You two need to sit down and figure out what you two want. It’s not about other people... most couples regret tailoring their wedding to please other people. This is only something you two can decide 🤍
I’m sorry for your loss. I know you’re missing your dad now (and always will), but will not having a big wedding because of it be something you regret later. Also, I know the thought of how much you’re spending is hard to look at, but will canceling cause you to be out a lot of money since you already have a lot of deposits paid. Most deposits are nonrefundable. I know the thought of loosing that much would make me sicker than actually spending on the celebration. But, that’s just me. I don’t think there’s any right or wrong answer to your situation. And no one can tell you what to. Just make sure you think through everything and the consequences (loosing those deposits or later regret) of those decisions before you decide. Good luck with what ever you decide to do ❤️
I say go with whatever you are comfortable with. From the post it seems like you don't really care for a big wedding anymore so I would scratch that option off. I would probably do the backyard wedding that way you can have the best of both worlds.
You can still have your wedding but not spend that much money and put the rest towards your house. You can invite family and friends to celebrate with you so they won't be upset
I’m so sorry about your dad. My mom passed away on my birthday in 2018. The 1st year is tough. You never know when those emotions are going to hit. Don’t know how many times I had to escape to the restroom at work to have a good cry. Talk with your fiancé & come up with how you want your wedding to be. Backyard or a venue as long as it’s what you both want.
I’m so sorry for your loss! My first immediate thought was “what would her dad want her to do?” Maybe there is some way you guys can honor him through this wedding? It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling this way. It seems you have already made quite a few deposits, would you be losing all of those if you decide to go a different direction? Ultimately it has to be what you are most comfortable with. I wish you the very best, and hope you have a beautiful marriage regardless of what you decide to do!
I’m so sorry for your loss, it definitely doesn’t make the planning easy when you have a vision that won’t happen now. As someone else said, what would your dad want for you? If you think about it, your dad would probably want whatever made you happy when he was around and I think you should stick with that. Does your venue offer any kind of coordinating services? We didn’t hire a coordinator because our venue provides one for us. We are also using recommended vendors for almost everything so they work closely with the venue and that takes a lot of stress away. I do think you should have a nice special day, but don’t compromise what that’ll be because of how you feel now. It sounds like you’ve got a good chunk done and you still have a lot of time left to go.
Just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. It seems like to me that planning a big wedding is causing you a lot of unnecessary stress. We are eloping just us two after dealing with a lot of stress related to planning the wedding and honestly it feels like the best decision we could have ever made. We are live streaming the ceremony so that way our friends/family can still feel like they were a part of the day. Not going to lie it feels pretty good to see the money in our savings rather than going towards one day!! Do what feels right in your heart