Need advice

Hmmm I can’t really help with advice until I have more of a back story...
How old are you and your boyfriend ?
Why is your mom so against it ? Etc

I feel bad that she isn’t supportive it you shouldn’t have to chose between your mom and your partner. As an adult your mom needs to realize it’s your decision and if she wants to risk losing you because of control or because of who you love well then that’s on her. — just my opinion

High school or college?

Being an adult means being responsible for your own finances. If you’re not ready to do that then don’t expect your mom to foot the bill while you get engaged and play house with the boyfriend. We told our daughters the same when they were in school. Once they were on their own they were free to make their own decisions. My advice would be to wait until you graduate, get a job, and start supporting yourselves.

I agree with the previous post. I don't know you guys's age but if you are truly an adult and you really love this guy then that means you can also start paying for your own educational expenses. Even if that means getting an additional job to take care of it. I think if you really love him then you shouldn't turn him down because ultimately you would be pushing him away to find someone else. I'm not trying to be rude when I say this but I do feel that you need to be the grown woman here and decide what is most important to you and if it is him that means putting your foot down against your mom. Like someone asked what level of Education are you currently in? Is there a particular reason why your mom does not want you marrying him? I don't know you both so I don't want to assume but is there an issue that she has with him?

View Quoted Comment I graduate May of 2020. I start paying for grad school after that on my own

View Quoted Comment I am about to graduate after spring of 2020. And then I start graduate school and start paying for that on my own

View Quoted Comment IMO just wait and then pay for the wedding yourself.
Unless your comfortable paying for a wedding and the last year of school on your own. To me, waiting makes more sense.

I'm of the opinion that if someone is old enough/ready to get married, they are old enough/ready to make their own decisions and deal with all the consequences of those decisions (including the financial consequences). If you are dependent on your parents for your education expenses, I'd probably hold off on the engagement until after you graduate. However, if you and fiance are ready to stand on your own four feet emotionally and financially, then go for it!

Yes, tell him you will say yes in 3 months. Or, after she has sent in your last tuition payment, which may already have happened. Having paid so much, she is not going to want you to drop out 6 weeks before graduation.

Personally I believe that if a parent helps pay for their child’s education, it should be because of love and support, not because they want in return the right to control the child’s life. I’m not gonna tell you what to do in this case because it depends on your personal values and beliefs, but I would definitely advise you to set boundaries. You can accept some demands from your mom, but you have to draw a line where you think it’s too far

Why can’t you say yes if he asks but tell your mom you won’t start planning it after you graduate???

If he asks you, you can always say yes then just not announce it until after you graduate. It can be a sweet thing between just the 2 of you.

View Quoted Comment I have tried to tell her that but she will not listen:/

View Quoted Comment I have thought about that too, but not telling my mom feels so wrong. I don’t want to hide one of the happiest moments of my life from my mom.

I agree with others encouraging you to wait on the engagement. Although it's unfortunate that your parents are being controlling in this way, I know my parents would have been the same way since they helped me pay for college as well.

Are you certain that your mothers attitude about you getting engaged will change when you are a grad-school? Also if I may ask once you start grad-school it sounds like you'll be financially independent do you already have worked lined up? This can also take time, just wondering if you'll find work in 3 months that will pay enough for you to be financially independent from your mother and allow you to pay for grad-school and plan a wedding, meanwhile supporting yourself.

3 months is not a long time. You should be able to have this conversation with him too. Tell him what you’ve said here. If he can’t respect that and wait, that’s a bigger issue.