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Savvy June 2017

Need advice - Parents standing at ceremony - Jewish traditions

Julie, on March 14, 2017 at 9:20 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

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My family is Jewish and his is not, but neither of us is religious and we're not having a religious wedding. However, its important to my parents that they walk me down the aisle and stand at the altar during the ceremony (Jewish tradition). His father is too ill to stand for the ceremony and his mother is uncomfortable with it. Would it be very awkward to only have my parents up there? Does anyone else have another creative solution? Help?!

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Latest activity by FutureMrsL, on March 14, 2017 at 9:44 PM

Master July 2017
StPaulGal · on March 14, 2017 at 9:23 PM
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I'm not familiar with Jewish traditions, but could they sit up there in chairs? I bet you could get your parents on board by pointing out that the in-laws are sensitive about their physical limitations.
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Celia Milton · on March 14, 2017 at 9:32 PM
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I've done this a number of times. Could they all be seated? If you're having a chuppa, there could be two chairs on each side and they could sit with you.

I do think it would be awkward for only your parents to be up there honestly. They could sit in the front row, as usually happens. If you're having a chuppa, your officiant could explain it and say something like, "traditionally both sets of parents support their children by coming to the chuppa". They could do that momentarily and then you could present them with a rose, or they could share a glass of wine and then sit down again.
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Master October 2017
karen · on March 14, 2017 at 9:38 PM
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Nothing wrong with putting a chair for parent who cannot stand. Is your FMIL uncomfortable because she is unfamiliar with tradition? Nervous about her DH feeling not great? Tell her chair for him/them, give her time?

I suspect that OP's parents are going to feel cheated if they do not get to stand, not certain how well any compromise is going to work. Seems to me that one set of parents is not going to be happy no matter what is done.
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Super September 2017
FutureMrsL · on March 14, 2017 at 9:44 PM
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We are in a very similar situation. For my parents its very important they stand up there. FH is not jewish and his parents feel its odd since they arent familiar with the tradition but FH spoke to them.

They said its our wedding and they will do whatever FH and i choose. So they will stand up there for us.

I suggest having FH speak with them again and maybe recommend the chair idea.

I agree it would be weird for 1 set of parents to be up there and the other not. ETA: 1 idea my dad and I came up with in the scenario that FILs didnt want to stand was to have my mother stand with (a little behind) the bridesmaids and my dad be with the groomsmen. That may be a good option for you guys!
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