Need advice on how to uninvite guests of Father of Bride, who is not coming

Eeek. This is a hard one.. So sorry that this is happening. I feel like this is something the father of the bride should handle.. easier said than done I'm sure.

I don’t think there’s really a nice way to uninvite people, especially when they’ve essentially done nothing wrong to warrant being uninvited. “Due to unforeseen circumstances, we will no longer be able to invite you to our wedding”. Just make sure that your daughter understands that this will mean that likely none of those people will remain in her life.

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Thank you for your kind words. He won't handle it. He said he would but our wedding planner feels we should be sending out a nice note first so that address this graciously and thoughtfully, knowing he won't be. He is my ex and has been uninvited from the wedding due to his hostile treatment of the bride.

If you must uninvite them I would just not send them an invitation since they haven’t been formally invited yet. Yeah, it’s rude to send a save the date and not an invite, but it’s also not polite to uninvite someone so that’s the option I would choose. If they ask about it then you can explain, but if they’re his friends anyway you don’t owe them an explanation

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Sarah,

Please see my note above. FOB is uninvited for threatening bride, and generally being out of control. He has done a lot to warrant being uninvited. He also said he would let his guests/friends know that plans have changed. We just thought it might be nice to have bride send a note to those folks explaining that there has been a change of plans and that we still care about them. Good move or bad? Maybe we just stay out of it? No real concern about his friends remaining in her life...most will probably understand why this is happening anyway. They get that he has issues.

My FHs father is no longer invited to the wedding either. We just didn’t send an invitation. If you feel like you must let them know they’re no longer invited, I agree with what Sarah said. Unfortunately, there’s no polite way to un-invite someone.

View Quoted Comment What he did or didn’t do doesn’t have anything to do with his guests. My point was that his guests have done nothing to warrant them being uninvited from the wedding. Her father being uninvited from the wedding for threatening her is fine. His friends being uninvited because of his behavior is a little ridiculous in my opinion, especially if the bride has any kind of relationship with those friends. I’m not responsible for the actions of my friends, and neither are your ex’s friends.

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Good advice. Thank you. Really needed to hear what others have to say. Never used this site before. It''s great. This has been hard. Especially because bride had to uninvited her father. Awful. Thank you all.

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Got it. Makes sense. FOB informed us that he was uninviting them. We just wanted to circle back around in case he doesn't. Can't count on anything he says he will do. Ugh. Am tempted to just let it be and let him do what he committed to doing. Need to let go of that control issue. Really hard watching him make us look bad.

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Thank you. Great advice. So hard.

This is so tough. I hate that your daughter is having to deal with this during what is supposed to be a very exciting time for her. I agree with Victoria. I would just not send a formal invitation. Many people may forget completely about the save the date or the wedding and that will be the end of it. If someone mentions it to you, I would politely let them know what happened. As I believe someone else said, if they are friends with the uninvited party, they will likely not be surprised by his actions, and therefore, him being uninvited. Good luck to you both!

Given that they’re not the bride and groom’s guests or your guests, I just wouldn’t send an invitation and hope that they get the hint. If they do happen to ask about it, then I would provide a simple explanation at that time. I don’t feel the need to reach out to people to tell them that they are not invited when they haven’t technically been invited yet. Bests of luck in your situation!

Are these guests FOBs friends? My bio father is no longer in my life, but I still invited several of his friends because they've always been a part of my life. The petty in me would also still invite them just because it would make FOB mad. If the bride wants them there, she should invite them.

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I agree with this. I think it is best to send something (like the idea of sending an STD) stating something along the lines of “Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, we will no longer be able to invite you to our wedding. We offer our most sincere apologies for any inconvenience”.

I disagree with those saying to just not say anything and not send an invitation. Many people take time off of work and/or make travel arrangements when they receive an STD. It's pretty much understood that anyone who receives an STD will also be receiving a formal invitation. The sooner they know they are uninvited, the better. Also, if the situation is ignored and an invitation not sent, there may be a lot of awkward phone calls from people wondering if their invitation got lost in the mail and the like.

I feel like even tho it sounds informal, that a phone call may be best. Just so they know it’s not personal and has nothing to do with them.

Unfortunately I don't think there is a polite way to go about this . I'm sorry you find yourselves in this situation, but if they didn't receive the formal invite yet, then maybe just don't send one? If you and the bride feel that you need to send a note do that the friends understand, then you should do whatever feels right, but some of them will still probably not take it well. Again, I'm sorry you're both going through this!