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Expert October 2020

Need Advice - Balancing “need” and “want”

Kimberly, on January 14, 2020 at 2:35 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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Hello - in a bit of a tug of war and would like some advice from others on this.

I have a family very similar to the one in My Big Fat Greek Wedding movie. They love helping out and getting involved in any special moment (birthdays, graduations, etc). I’m the youngest and only girl so I really appreciate how they all want to contribute to the wedding. One example is how my sister in law is making a big gorgeous paper flower photo backdrop for us. Fiancé supports this and is looking forward to this.
However, lately any new idea that we come up with has been met with “We don’t need that.” Little things like having some seats or high tables during cocktail hour. “They can stand, we don’t need those.” We have a lot of older people in attendance and I know it would be hard for some of them to stand for so long. Explained that to him and he doesn’t see it as an issue. Or slightly larger things like when my brother offered to build us a champagne wall (one of those self-standing walls where you see champagne flutes with drinks on wooden racks. Idk if I am describing it right) but again fiancé dismissed the idea as something we don’t need. I don’t think it is a financial problem since we wouldn’t be paying for these things. Am I overthinking this? And if I’m not, any advice?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on January 14, 2020 at 3:09 PM

Master January 2015
null · on January 14, 2020 at 2:40 PM
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It sounds like maybe your FH just isn't looking to have a super extravagant wedding, which is understandable given that it's just not everyone's style. He may feel like some of the ideas from you or your family are too "over the top" for his tastes. If finances really aren't part of the equation, the two of you just need to sit down and discuss what each of you WANT as your vision for the wedding and find ways to compromise. I will say that you 100% need ample seating for everyone in attendance, forcing people to stand (especially the elderly) is a big no-no. Best of luck!
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VIP September 2020
Kelsey · on January 14, 2020 at 2:46 PM
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Could your FH maybe feel like your family is taking over the wedding? My mom tried to do this during planning. She actually went to the church I use to go to and hired the officiant without consulting us. Along with trying to make me choose a different place to order bridesmaid dresses from. There was some other things too, but things are better now. But my FH was really frustrated when it seemed like she was taking over the wedding and we weren't going to have the wedding we wanted. I'm pretty easy going and don't like confrontation especially with my mom but I ended up having to say something, my mom basically gave the silent treatment for a month after that. But I want my FH and I to have the wedding that we want.
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Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on January 14, 2020 at 2:56 PM
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He is definitely on the anti extravagant wedding bandwagon. The simpler the better. I’ll just have to figure out a way to logically show small courtesies for our guests are not superfluous (the chairs for cocktail hour).
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Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on January 14, 2020 at 2:59 PM
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Wow! I’m sorry you had to go through that. And yeah, he might be feeling that way too. It’s just hard when everyone says “Have the wedding you want” and you come up with ideas and then everyone says “Oh no, not like that.” I’m getting that a lot from all sides.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on January 14, 2020 at 3:09 PM
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I'd talk to your fiance about how you are feeling. Especially if it isn't a budget thing (and your brother is offering to help for free) you should be able to do it.
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