Need advice about fmil

I agree with this. My FMIL is super excited about her first born getting married (she has 2 sons and a daughter). I send her ideas and pictures so she can see what I am thinking and planning which she really appreciates. I think she just wants to be involved. I'd try and find creative ways to include her, and hopefully if she gets overbearing you feel comfortable enough to let her know how you're feeling. I'd just try to be as gentle as possible.

She sounds like a typical mother to me, IMO. My mom is super "helpful" and controlling and NOSEY, lol. It's just one of those things you learn to deal with. It doesn't sound like she's doing any of this with ill intentions.

I honestly don't think this sounds overbearing or controlling at all. It sounds like she wants to be helpful. If you think she's overstepping, I would just say "I really appreciate your help, but (insert FH's name) and I are really enjoying making these plans together. We will let you know what we need help with." Or give her a task that's specifically hers. Maybe something you don't care a ton about like the dessert table or invitations, something to put her focus on.

I agree with a PP. It doesn't sound overbearing or controlling to me. It sounds like she is trying to make things easier on you. That is why she is trying to find the restaurants, the house etc... If you have an issue... I would talk to her and not have your FH get involved. Shooooot I wish my FMIL was this way. She doesn't really care about this wedding and rarely mentions it.

Just have a simple conversation. Communication is a win everytime.

I wouldn't say she's controlling. I think this would only cross the line into controlling if she tries to insist you use her choices. Otherwise I would says she's just trying to be helpful! Either use the advice or not, but either way I don't see what it hurts for her to try to give you some options! You are not obligated to use them

Coming from someone who also has a controlling FMIL...you need to step up you game, put your foot down, and not let your FH do all the talking with her. Why? Because it will continue after marriage.

I knew getting into our engaged that I'd have to take a firm hand and just be upfront because my MIL was the same way, but it all worked out and I'm glad that I did. Her mother, my new grandmother actually congratulated me on taking the upper hand LOL

Good luck!

One of my coworkers suggested this too. We are keeping everything private and treating our family as guest. We both know how are parents are. They don't even know about the date. Im guessing with her not knowing, hearing anything makes her want to be "helpful."

I totally respect it. Let her know that then. Hopefully she'll understand, and if she doesn't, that's unfortunate. But it is what it is ya know?

Maybe if you assign her a (large) task for the wedding, it'll keep her preoccupied? Are you doing any heavy-lifting on the DIY, so to speak?

I can see it two ways. Either she's the type of person that wants to be involve in everything and have an opinion in which case is a little annoying or she's just overly helpful in which case it would be fine. I think as long as she's not imposing her ideas to you it shouldn't be an issue. You can however sit down with her one day if something she does gets a little out of line. You can tell her you appreciate her willingness to always help but she doesn't need to do that. You will gracefully ask for her help when you need it and you will ask for her input when desire. This doesn't have to be a reason for her to be upset or create a conflict as long as you are able to tell her the right way. Just make sure you always say how appreciative and grateful you feel.

Sorry, but I think she sounds great!

My FMIL is exactly like this... She has tried being a part of everything wedding related and we were also looking at houses and she would go out of her way to find houses close to hers knowing we don't want to live where we currently are... Honestly, they are just trying to be helpful and I wouldn't over think it. I'd take the help if its needed or graciously decline as needed. If she starts actually getting to the point of being controlling you will need to step in and just kind of explain because it could potentially cause turmoil in your FH and yours relationship down the road but it doesn't seem shes controlling yet just trying to be helpful and apart of it.

Its very kind of her but that is just too much. I would feel the same way so I would politely talk too her about it with love and respect because this seems to be a part of her character. She sounds like she is afraid to me. Usually when someone needs to control everything its because they lack trust and are afraid that if they don't do everything it wont be done right. You could try reverse psychology as well and tell her you are struggling with being a control freak and don't know how to let others help you. Maybe she will see herself in that comment or she will back off.

On a good note I am glad you have extra support. Just pray it becomes balanced and whats needed as opposed to what she is giving you now =)

My FH has a habit of leaving his parents out of our wedding planning process and I've found the easiest way to make her feel included was to let her have control over the rehearsal dinner. Originally we wanted a small backyard bbq but she didn't so we decided to avoid the stress of planning and families, just to let her have control of that and do whatever she wants.