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Just Said Yes September 2021

Nearly Ruined Wedding

Lynn, on November 21, 2021 at 10:15 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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Backstory: My mom and I have never been close. She was always an angry person who would hold grudges. Ex, When I was about 10 she didn’t talk to me for 5 months because she got mad at me. I always said when i turned 18 I was cutting her and the rest of my family off

Fast forward: My now husband is too nice(sometimes a bad thing) and always said to just forgive and forget. So I did to some extent. I invited my mom to hair and makeup, the wedding, and included her in everything. Morning of the wedding everything was super chill and nice. We all went to an expensive hair and makeup salon. My mom started tagging me on facebook in things saying like “2pm wedding start..3pm ceremony..etc.” and i said hey can you just not tag me in those posts because I’m having issues with people hacking into my stuff and i’m afraid if people know when i’m not home they’ll try to rob us in our area. And that was it. 20 mins later I see her sobbing in the salon corner. Causing a huge scene. (she always needs attention) . Salon staff are trying to calm her and she won’t stop . I asked her what was wrong and she yelled in the whole salon: you’re a *****. because i asked her not to post that on facebook. She continued to sob for the duration of the salon appointment ruining everyone’s time there.
Am I too harsh in saying enough is enough and finally cutting her out of my life completely ?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on November 22, 2021 at 7:40 AM

Just Said Yes September 2021
Lynn · on November 21, 2021 at 10:18 PM
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Little add on: I kept my cool and just ignored her during the salon appointment. She then acted like nothing happened right before the ceremony and was trying to hug me before walking down the aisle, because people were around. She wanted everyone to think we are close and that she’s a great mom . It was so uncomfortable . I just faked it and pretended but it felt so wrong
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Master October 2023
Cece · on November 21, 2021 at 10:51 PM
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I am SO sorry you had to go through that on your wedding day! Your mother was clearly in the wrong and you have every reason to be upset with her. As far as whether you are “justified” in cutting her off… only you can answer that. You know her and the dynamics of your relationship, and whether you feel the relationship is worth salvaging, or if it’s in your best interest to severely limit it or end it completely. This choice is 100% yours to make, and no one else’s opinion should sway you from doing what’s best for you.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on November 21, 2021 at 11:48 PM
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Yikes wow. That's terrible for you to have to deal with. You clearly know how to handle her, but only you know where you need to draw your boundaries. As far as whether it's OK to have boundaries, for sure yes, it is.
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Just Said Yes December 2021
Genevieve · on November 22, 2021 at 2:37 AM
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If she is as toxic as she sounds, then I would keep her at a loving distance. Occasional coffees or dinners, texts/emails, a happy birthday on the appropriate day etc, but not a frequent, close or trusted part of your life. If you plan on having kids, you'll also have to consider her potential impact on them. I would only cut off a parent completely if they were abusive towards me (or my kids). Not talking to you for 5 months when you were 10 was certainly emotionally abusive, so that is something to think about. Sorry you have to deal with it, it's awful when parents let their kids down that way
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Super May 2022
Samantha · on November 22, 2021 at 7:40 AM
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My mother and I have a very tumultuous relationship. I only discuss surface level things with her, hang out with her in groups, and let most things she says roll off me. I wanted my kids to be able to have a relationship with her, and didn't want to cut her out completely, I just had to realize that I'll never have a traditional mother-daughter relationship with her. So maybe something like that might work for you. But if you want to cut her off completely, don't feel guilty about that either!
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