Name change or nah?

Before meeting my husband I was ok with the idea of hyphenating but when I met my husband his last name rhymes with mine and so hyphenating it just sounded terrible aha. I didn't want to completely take my last name away either. Someone suggested using my last name as a middle name instead but I already have a middle name I identify with so in the end I kept my name as is.

I used to be totally against changing my name. But over the course of this endless engagement I’ve started to change my mind. No exact reasons I can point to but little things over time. Also, FH really wants me to change it, though he didn’t pressure me at all. I never considered hyphenating, it always struck me wrong. Confusing for people and legal documents. So it’s gonna be all or nothing. And I dunno, I guess I actually do want to share a name with FH.

I kept mine. Hubby already had a first “Mrs” and I have business publications under my name.

We’ve both talked about creating a new last name which we may do someday! (We’re not having kids.) Other brides here turned their maiden name into their middle name, then took their spouse’s last name. I think that’s a cool idea.

I’m in the same boat! Lol i love my last name, i may use my last name as my middle name and then add my FH last name. But then idk bcuz i like my middle name! Lol I’ll know by the time it comes! Lol

View Quoted Comment I’m strongly considering just having two last names! I wouldn’t hyphenate because my FH doesn’t want to take mine at all. I would just slap his on the end. With this version, I could keep using my name at work, on social media, and every where else full legal names aren’t required. Then someday if we have kids, I will share their name and be able to identify with them. This seems to be my top contender or of my options.

View Quoted Comment What if someone asks you your last name, would you say both or just his?

Good question... I think it would be situation dependent! At least that’s what I’m thinking right now, but we all now how feelings can change about things. At work I would probably just say my last name and introduce myself with only my current name. I think I would continue to identify exactly how I do now but enjoy the fact that his name is a part of mine. His would mostly come into play when kids come around down the road.

This issue came to a head in our house this week and we both had major feelings about it. My frustration with the whole process/issue is how (in heterosexual relationships) all of the emotional labor of this decision rests on women’s shoulders...my partner didn’t have an issue with me not changing my name but if it was important to me to have a family name, then the option to change names was mine. We had some very hard conversations where I pushed him to think about what is important to him and how HE was going to contribute to making that a reality. Most men don’t consider the options that they have and feel VERY taken a back when asked to change their names. Our names are part of our identities, so neither of us felt comfortable totally changing our names. We still have some figuring out to do if we have children and I am trying to come up with a good “team name” for our new family... but we did get info about legally petitioning to change our names if we want to in the future.

Girl, you are one after my own heart. I also brought up the point that I am the only one stressing out about this decision (and thinking about it for YEARS) while he just lives his life. I asked him how he felt about changing his name and he was VERY against it, which made me want to take his even less lol (petty I know). My SO is a police officer and strongly identifies with his last name since it’s used like a first while on the job. I understand this, but it completely excludes the option for him to change any aspect of his last name. I want to be on the same team but I think it might be team “my name, his name”. This is tough.

I absolutely adore my last name and I’m very attached to it. But I love my FH and when we’re married I don’t even want our last names to separate us. Since I don’t have a middle name and my last name is a first name...I’m planning to make my last name my middle name.

View Quoted Comment This is what I've decided, two last names, no hyphen. That way I can use either, except for legal situations.

View Quoted Comment Love it! This makes me excited to hear.

My last name is very unusual, so I didn't want to part with it completely! I'm making my current name my middle name, adding FH's name as my last name. I'll still have my maiden name that way, plus my new full name will sound pretty nice together!

My last name has no significant meaning to me other than the fact it belonged to my dad whom I've never met. Noone in my family has the same last name and that has always been a big deal to me. So far that reason, I am changing my last name. We have three kids who all have his last name so now it's just me!

I kept mine.

1. I like it.

2. I have a career with this name.

3. There are no men in my generation, and this is patriarchal silliness anyway.

4. DH is in the same career as I am, which means we both have the potential for some... notoriety? We'd like our kids to be able to choose if they want to avoid that.

5. MIL didn't, so DH didn't even think of asking me.

I know I am a bit late to reply, but I am thinking about this as well! I am trying to decide between moving my maiden to my middle and taking my husband's, or doing the two last names without hyphen. I'm leaning towards the two last names, but I have been a bit nervous about the logistics. I'm glad to hear that I am not the only one considering this option!

The two options you’re considering are the same I am/was considering! I was also worried about logistics of two last names but if I changed my middle name to my maiden name, I would still kind of feel like I lost my last name. I just remind myself that there are plenty of people currently existing with two last names, hyphenated or not, and they’re all doing fine lol. It’ll probably end up being a much smaller deal than I am anticipating. I am 98% sure I’ve made my decision and it is to have two last names, no hyphen. Good luck with your decision, it’s tough out here.

I always said I was going to hyphenate my name because I’m the last person in my family who will have the name. But it is a common name. I decided against the hyphenating because I didn’t want to replace my middle name with my current last name and I also didn’t want to completely sign all 3 names lol

My legal name is Camilla but I go by Cami, My FH is Cain. my name is changing to Cami Cain. I can already hear the jokes " Candy Cane"