Maddie
Rockstar February 2022

My wedding is depressing the hell outa my mom

Maddie, on December 3, 2021 at 2:32 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
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I guess this is more of a vent than anything else, but also just hoping someone else experienced something similar and can assure me it will pass.

I'm the oldest and the first kid to get married in my generation. My mom had me very young and was a single mother for a while. We have always (for the most part) and still do have an amazing relationship. She has been nothing but amazing about the whole thing, so it's definitely nothing she's saying to me (she's actually been trying to hide how sad she is). But between me getting married, her going through menopause, and my baby brother graduating college next year, she's been a hot mess of just sadness and yesterday she admitted to me that she feels so lost and without purpose now that the two of us are moving on with our lives.

I know this is a natural feeling for parents - especially mothers to go through (and yes, my current battle is trying to get her to go to therapy) when their kids grow up, and I know none of her feelings are my responsibility. I just hate seeing her so sad and I'm worried that she'll spend my whole wedding being depressed. I've told her that I will ALWAYS need her and that hopefully by this time next year, she'll have a grandkid and then I'll need her even more. And then I'll need her in 25 years when MY kids are moving on.

has anyone else had this experience with a parent they are extremely close to? How did you cope even knowing it was ultimately their issue to work through? Did it eventually pass for them? Is there anything I can do to try and keep the whole wedding thing extra light?

Regardless, thanks for reading.

8 Comments

Latest activity by Kathy, on December 14, 2021 at 8:59 PM
  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    Maybe include her with wedding stuff, if you plan on having kids you can say things like you are gonna need to help me be a good mom. in the mean time what if she got a dog or a cat to keep her company

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  • Maddie
    Rockstar February 2022
    Maddie ·
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    God a dog would do her so much good! but they can't have a dog where they live (they rent). I wonder if she talked to their landlady if they would make an exception. She currently has a cat, but she really requires minimal attention and is kind of b...you know how cats are

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  • Heather
    Rockstar November 2021
    Heather ·
    • Flag

    Aww totally understandable! My auntie was acting this way with my cousin when she was getting married. Does she happen to have any hobbies? Maybe you can encourage her to start a hobby or join some type of group (fitness, book, bible, etc.).

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  • Pat
    Devoted May 2023
    Pat ·
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    Let me tell ya, Maddie .... being a mom sucks. ROFLMAO I cried when my kids left the nest. My son went and worked on a damn cruise ship that sailed the Asian routes. Meanwhile, my youngest moved halfway across the state and my husband divorced me. SO ... I can totally relate to your mom. We, as mothers, will ALWAYS feel a piece of our heart is missing. My recommendation would be to have your mom get involved in a volunteering situation.... for me, being with little kids REALLY helped. I could be a "mom" still. Since I sew, I ran classes for kids through our community college summer program. There are a ton of places that could use the help - libraries, hospitals and even some schools. You can't "fix" her, as you've already said, but asking her advice or calling her "just because" sure helps. Be patient, as it WILL take time for all these new life patterns to become routine. Hugs to all.

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  • Maddie
    Rockstar February 2022
    Maddie ·
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    Thank you SO much for this 💕 i know she just needs to find something to be passionate about and maybe I can start volunteering with her to get her out there.
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  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like mom could use some counseling if she's having trouble handling all this on her own. While it's wonderful of you to want to be there for her as much as possible-it's natural for your kids to move on and if she's having trouble, she needs someone other than you to talk to.

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  • Steph
    Dedicated May 2022
    Steph ·
    • Flag
    Don’t pull back from her- in fact, show her how much you need her even more. Instead of acting like you are a burden and asking her opinion, YOU get stressed out and tell her you need HER. As a mom and knowing my own mom (my mom had me at 19, and I had my first daughter at 19) we just want to feel loved and needed. We also put our feelings to the side once we know our kids need us. So if you want her to not be sad, it may take a bit of dramatic behavior on your part. (Not too much, but just enough) involve her more. Understand she is going to still be sad no matter what you do because you are her first love. What she is feeling is normal and ok. Trust me, once she has the chance she is going to live her best life knowing you guys are doing good in yours. Best of luck on your day and give your momma the biggest hug.
    • Reply
  • K
    Just Said Yes April 2022
    Kathy ·
    • Flag

    Yes, I am in the same boat, and after spending my life trying to protect her from being sad/disappointed/stressed/etc with relation to anything to do with me, I feel like a failure because she is...even though it's supposed to be a moment of great excitement and happiness. Prior to getting engaged, I actually worked with a counselor to reinforce that I had nothing to feel guilty about over having my own life, moving on with a mate of my own, and having her stand on her own two feet (it went from her supporting me to me supporting her). But it's a change to our dynamic (she's got her hooks in deep and is used to having me all to herself).

    I have found the perfect mate: he's supportive, helpful (even to my mom at her most stressful), loving, affectionate, outgoing to my introversion, genuinely friendly to everyone he meets, and hard-working. It's not that she disapproves of him at all. It's just that I am an only child to a single mother who is now aging and finding out that her daughter wants to be her own person with her own life vs locked into enmeshment.

    It's not easy. She's actually thrown in my face "sometimes I feel like you're going to uninvite me from the entire wedding" when I want to plan something with just my fiancé's input, which complicates things as far as even wanting to include dear ol' Mom because of these negative encounters. She's been cake and food tasting with us (even at extra expense because usually the tastings are just for the bride and groom) and helped me pick my dress. So it's not like I'm locking her out. But I love her, no matter what.


    She refuses counseling, but I might go back, if only for the support outside of my ever-patient-but-stressed-because-I'm-stressed fiance. What I'm finding is we can't change other people or force them into something that would likely help them feel better/get a new perspective (counseling), but we can go to help protect our own sanity.


    You're not alone.

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