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Valerie
Savvy September 2019

My Wedding is Coming and Noone Cares

Valerie, on July 25, 2019 at 1:22 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

I've always been an afterthought in my family- i assume it because I'm a bit of a wallflower. But my wedding is coming and it really feels like no one cares in the least bit. Not doing anything but the wedding- no engagement party, no bridal shower, no bachelorette party. Not saying that i want all of them, but one little celebration would be nice. I've tried to work with my fam to set it up, but I keep getting that everyone is to busy and whatnot.

I've also had a bridesmaid lie to me about buying her dress ($20). I've also had another couple in wedding party ask if they are required to come to the rehearsal dinner (which is legit just coming over for pizza so we can talk through things).

I've also had an aunt ask me to tag along on her family trip to help with her young children. then she jokes by saying "it can be like a bachelorette party"!

No one really asks about how things are coming along, they will complain, with the only exception being extended family who says they can't wait to party (which i get, extended family usually isn't that invested).

Maybe I'm being too sensitive and overly dramatic. I just wish people were more excited more me and would want to be involved in more than just showing up to the party.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Valerie, on July 26, 2019 at 12:38 AM
  • Destiny
    VIP May 2020
    Destiny ·
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    I was seriously just saying the same thing to my fh earlier i was supposed to be planning my bridal shower with my youngest sister in law n now she never talks to me so i've got it all planned out with the exception of decorations and my outfit.

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  • Valerie
    Savvy September 2019
    Valerie ·
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    Thank you for sharing. I feel a lot better knowing im not alone in it (although im sorry your going through it too)
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  • Michelle
    Dedicated August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    So literally my dad's side of the family has never been there for me they put me and my mom as an outcast because we're not full Hispanic and I had one of my cousins literally send me a message saying where's your party you must Send me an invitation so I know where the party is I flat out told all of my family and my fiance and his family that no one except for select people are coming to the wedding from my dads side because why am I going to invite people who don't care about me and don't talk to me or even ask how i am doing just so they can party and eat on my dime. They literally only acknowledge me as family when they wanna borrow money or want to party. Ive had it this is oir day and i will not tolerate people who only want to use me. So our wedding will me all of my fiance family and like 80ppl from my side that are mostly friends or people who i know i talk to and ask about me regularly. No time for negativity on the biggest day so far in my life! Thats how i feel about situation idk if im being dramatic plz tell me if i am
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  • Michelle
    Dedicated August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    As far as brides maids i do not have many female friends i have 1 who is my FH cousin who is my maid of honor but she lives 2 states away but will be coming for the wedding we are constantly communicating and my 1 other brides maid is my FH brothers gf but they recently broke up and now his bro is telling me to take her out the wedding but we are reallly good friends and shes not bothered or feels occured about being in the wedding so i dont feel i have to remove her when 1. I dont have friends anyways so who is going to replace her not him 2. She dosent care or bothered by him 3. Not his wedding i keep my circle very small and had to do some serious evaluating on who is truly going to be there and not flake and my mother in law wanted me to have like 5-8 brides maids and i was more or less like no because i dont have that many people to ask what am i gonna do pull them out of thin air? Just do what you feel is right and stick to your gut its about whats going to make you and your fiance happy and make things run as smooth as possible
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  • Valerie
    Savvy September 2019
    Valerie ·
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    Definitely not dramatic. it sounds like you got your priorities in order.

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  • Cheryl
    Expert November 2020
    Cheryl ·
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    Ugh, same here. I got engaged in Feb, live in NC, mom's family in is NJ. Went home for Grandma's birthday in June and not 1 person congratulated us or asked to see my ring. What a let down. His mom and dad have been good. But his bro, SIL and nephews in their 20's? They all live in AL and we've been out 2 times to visit his parents. Not once do they come to see us and they're 1 hour from his parents. Then his moms all like 'I dunno if the boys will come because I dont know if they'll have the money or if they can miss work.'. Here's the thing. FH has 12 people in his whole family and only mom dad bro and sil are planning on coming. Um, no. If they have money and time to go to FL fishing or on cruises or to rap festivals all over the SE, then they have time &money to come to their nephew's/cousins/uncle's wedding. They have over a year to save money and request time off from work. I get that no one will ever be as excited as we will about our wedding and I get that this is FH's second marriage, but this is my first and his most important and I'm not tolerating any lame-o excuses for their lack of support.
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  • Samantha
    Super August 2019
    Samantha ·
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    Same. We’re doing many pre wedding parties ourselves and going non traditional, off the beaten path to celebrate since our families don’t seem interested. I could barely talk to my mom for a few minutes about the wedding planning that she asked to know about before she said it was too much. My side of the family is not coming so it’ll only be my parents and my MOH keeps going back and forth if she’s actually
    coming at all, last I heard she is, fingers crossed. His side of the family genuinely seems more excited but lackluster at best. Only of my (3 total) bridesmaids and my FMIL have been the most supportive as well as a friend who I didn’t invite because she lives overseas. Nixing customs and what’s “appropriate” I agree it would nice to be celebrated a bit even for one little party. So we planned our combo Bach party weekend, had an extended engagementmoon, and I’m doing spa and whiskey tasting as a co ed get together in lieu of a shower.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    I was the same way. I thought people would be way more excited. People throw baby showers at work so I thought maybe a little shower for me. Nope. No family or friends planned any showers or parties or anything. My mom was the only one who wanted to talk about the wedding and I legit cannot stand her so it was pretty annoying. My friends told me they didn't like anything I was picking out the few times I asked them for opinions so I just gave up and found this website where I could talk about weddings and all that with others who were excited and excited for me. Unfortunately it's true what they say that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. It sticks cause so many people have family and friends that go full out with parties etc but that's not always the case. Once I realized that no one really cared outside of just being excited for a reason to go to Vegas I felt much better about letting it all go and just having fun planning it.

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I feel the same about mine. No one has offered to help. I don't drive, so getting places to do things has been hard. My MOH and bridesmaid haven't planned anything. No shower, no bach. party, nothing. I'm not exactly DIY savvy, so doing this all alone is hard. I am so with you, it would be nice to have people care

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    You aren't being overly sensitive or dramatic. Of course you want excitement for your wedding! Unfortunately, I think most of us have found that more often than not we just don't get that "excitement" we are hoping for from our loved ones. I rarely got anything wedding related from my family, during my engagement. BUT they all showed up ready to help / celebrate during the wedding weekend, so that was nice lol.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Makes total sense how you feel. It'd be nice if your family could show a bit more interest in your upcoming nuptials
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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    Ugh, im sorry but you are definitely not alone. We are less than 60 days out, invites have been sent, RSVP's are almost due and I have only gotten 2 from my side.....2! It's insane. FH was ready to elope back in February and thinking now, we probably should have or should now. I knew everything was going too good. I hope everything works out for you.

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  • P
    privateuser ·
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    Everyone is different and unfortunately ( and this is very important) - No one is more excited about your wedding than you. Think about that when you feel yourself getting disappointed about other's actions.

    Are you the first to get married in your family in a while? Maybe people don't know what their role should be or know what you do or don't want. Maybe they are waiting for you to ask or take the lead. There is nothing wrong with stating how you feel and what you would want from them out of this experience. They will either step up to the plate or not. Either way, if there is a certain activity you really want, it might be up to you to make it happen. If you don't want to waste the energy, you need to learn to let it go.

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  • Valerie
    Savvy September 2019
    Valerie ·
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    I just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to mot only read my rant but also comment and offer advice and support. Ive been feeling so alone with all this and you have really helped.
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