My way or no way M.i.l!

The question you will get asked, who is paying for the wedding?
If you are or your parents, then a simple "oh my dear (insert her name), this is so sweet of you to suggest this (whatever it is) but we have already taken care of it. I so appreciate it though thanks so much for thinking about it! But we got it!"
If she pays...well I'd give up trying to override her decisions OR refuse her financial help and have something you and your fiance can afford on your terms. It is not right when people hold money over a couple but it happens all the time.

First of all, you need to have a conversation with your FS to make sure s/he is on the same page as you. Then, put FMIL on an information diet. Tell her only what she needs to know, and throw her a bone every once in a while - let her pick out something that you have no strong feelings about. And, if she suggests something or offers unsolicited advice, say you'll talk about it with FS in private and consider it. Then forget about it. Oops!

Definitely don't share many details with her

Like someone else said, is she paying? If she is, then it’ll be harder to get her to keep her opinions to herself. If she’s not, then you and FH need to sit her down and tell her you will be making the decisions, not her.

Don't tell her anything. Password protect everything with your vendors so that she can't call them up and change things. Your fiance needs to tell her that you and he will be planning the wedding, and that while you are open to suggestions from her, the decisions will be made by the two of you. If he won't say no to his mommy, that's a different problem. And if she's giving you money for the wedding, give it back!

View Quoted Comment This! I have read horror stories of relatives cling vendors and telling them to change things up. Since they gave all the right information, vendors would go ahead and make changes.... Def make sure your vendors know everything has to come from you.
Also hope your fh is supportive of you and not his mom in this situation. It is your wedding and things should be the way you and him want

You have to tell her to stop. You'll regret it if you don't. I'm struggling with my FMIL, too. Even if she's helping pay its not acceptable for her to plan your wedding. She's being disrespectful

This is crazy. This is your wedding, who does she think she is making those comments that she will plan and decorate. How does your fh feel about this? Can he talk to her, or would he back you up if you tell her to stop

The thing is she’s not paying. The only thing she is going to be responsible for is the rehearsal dinner. No one has told her no so I’m dreading the moment to be the first. I just know it will be blown out of proportion.

Don't accept money from her with out literally getting it writing exactly what it's for. The biggest thing though is under any circumstance do NOT budge on anything, not even a little (it just opens the flood gates). Or maybe sit down with her and ask her what exactly she is expecting to happen.

Also, I wouldn't tell her no (especially if you would be the first) I would have FH talk to her first ASAP

View Quoted Comment Then it's about time someone does tell her no. Her behavior is ridiculous and immature. Let her have the rehearsal and don't discuss anything else with her at all. If you don't stand up now, she's going to be running your marriage.

Ah, good luck. This is going to be a bumpy ride.
When my FMIL got married, she told her in-laws they could plan the entire thing. She had almost no part in it. Therefore, when we got engaged.. I think she thought it would now be her turn to plan our wedding. Our relationship hit the bumpiest bumps in the first 3 months of our engagement- all because of FMIL. She was contacting vendors and making changes, asking to be cc'd on all my correspondences with the venue, etc. She IS paying for a portion of our wedding. However, that doesn't mean someone can steamroll it. I put my foot down with the help of my fiancée and it was BY FAR the hardest thing I've ever done. This was 6 months ago and I finally feel the frostiness is lifting. It was ROUGH and I think she disliked me for a long time after that. However, the end result is that she is much further removed from the details of the planning. Unfortunately I've had to realize that telling her less is the only way to go. Share less information.

Your fiancée needs to speak with her.

Your FS needs to reign her in. This is a wedding for the two of you, it is not about your FMIL. FS needs to explain that while they will appreciate help and input from her, the final decisions come down to the two of you. Please be sure that you don’t share that much with her and let all your vendors know that you are the main point of contact and no one has the authority to make changes except you.

View Quoted Comment I would not marry anyone who could not sit down with his mom and say, I am a grown man now. I will be planning the wedding with my future wife, without your assistance . It is important to us to work together for what we want, now .You have generously offered to do the RD, which we appreciate greatly . But my fiancee and I will plan the ceremony and the reception. . . . It is time to set boundaries. Set the terms for the future now. She has plenty of time to calm down after this. Don't tolerate starting marriage with her dictating what you do at your wedding ,

Read this post very carefully. This is where your future husband steps in and speaks to his mother about how this is your guys’ wedding and that you will take it from here. Thank her for offering to help and assure her if you need anything you’ll let her know. Put your foot down right now.

ITS OK TO SAY NO!!

its not the word its how you spin it. Cushion the gesture with a compliment: I really fo like how you set up form parties and your proposal to help us out we appreciate it so much but we have decided this will be our first big thing we do together in planning our wedding how we envisioned it and so we are going to stick to the wedding planning but I know you will blow us away with the rehearsal dinner. I cant wait to see what you have planned.

Create passwords with your vendors (so she cant change things behind your back) and keep her in a smaller loop of the wedding. And most importantly, make sure your FS is on the save wave length as you. good luck and happy planning.

If she is paying - FMIL, I appreciate your willfulness to help and support. However, because it is my wedding there are things that I would love to see. If we can’t compromise, I may have to respectfully decline your help.

If she isn’t paying - keep her at arms length. Do not share things with her because apparently she’ll go over board.

I hope it works out.