My soon to be maid of honor

I wouldn’t put her in your wedding if she doesn’t support your relationship, but this seems like a bigger issue. If she’s one of your closest friends and she knows details of your relationship, perhaps she has valid reasons to think marriage isn’t right for the two of you at the moment.

It sounds like she has some concerns? and if you are interested in maintaining the friendship you’ll both need to be open and discuss it. I wouldn’t make any decisions until you two can talk about it and get both of your feelings out in the open.

She has some valid reasons on why we shouldn’t but she’s only focused on the bad ones none of the good ones. It’s the outside looking in kinda thing. My fiancé & I have delt with our own issues on our own and we’ve moved past it & it’s made us even stronger. My biggest mistake was being so open with my relationship with my friends so everyone only remembers all the bad times & never remembers all the bad times. My biggest thing is someone shouldn’t judge someone’s situation they’ve never been. She’s said it herself she can see how I’ve changed into a better person & how happy I am. I’m just confused on now I feel like she’s given me ultimatum.

Don't count her out and don't write her off. She clearly loves you and only wants what's best for you, even if it means telling you something you obviously don't want to hear. Just hear her out fully without interrupting and then she can hear you out without interrupting on why you know she shouldn't be concerned. It will be though but will make your relationship with her and your fh so much better.

I don’t think your friend is giving you an ultimatum. I obviously don’t know the details or timeline of your relationship, but if you got engaged after having lots of issues that you went to your MOH with it’s understandable that she’d be concerned. Just because you’ve worked through those issues doesn’t mean everyone else in your life will be as quick to forgive whatever they were. You say you were open will all your friends so they only remember all the bad times. It sounds like there were several bad things that happened in your relationship. I’d be concerned if my best friend got engaged to someone she had a lot of issues with too.

View Quoted Comment Yeah you are right. I don’t want to cut her off & I heard her out & I see it from both sides, but I won’t call off my engagement because of her though. It’s just now where do we go from here you know? How could I make her my MOH when I know her speech would be fake, or how would I even have her in my wedding at all if she’s not happy.

View Quoted Comment You’ve still got well over a year to go, a lot can change in that time. I think where you go from here is up to the two of you, and maybe with time she’ll see that you and your FS have overcome the bad and grown together.

My best friend is dating, and now talking about marrying, a guy who cheated on her twice and lived off her for over a year (6 months into the relationship) while he finished school and got a degree in creative writing, then spent another year writing but couldn’t get anything published and never made a dollar. I’m obviously not his biggest fan, but I know she wants me to be her MOH and she’s mine. I won’t give a fake speech, but I will focus on the positives, and I hope your friend would do the same if put in that situation. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much!

I don’t think your friend has given you an ultimatum. She’s being honest with you. I was a BM for a friend whose marriage I did not support. I can still be her friend and RESPECT her choice, even though I don’t agree with it. I think this is the same situation - she’s telling you she doesn’t think this marriage is a good idea, but she will still support you in your choice.

When my best friend got engaged to this man she’d had a horrible history with everyone including me told her she did not have to marry this guy. I told her multiple times that I absolutely did not think she should be with him. I was her MOH and I stood up next to her and gave a speech about HER not their relationship. That way it was sincere. They started having issues literally the moment they got in the “getaway” car. She said she spent her whole honeymoon drunk. They divorced a year later and now she has 2 kids with him, gets no child support, has been sued by him and his parents multiple times for custody, lives with her parents and she’s only 24. I’m not saying this is your exact situation, but usually if your best friend has concerns it’s only because she cares about your well being and your future. I think you would regret not having her in your wedding especially since it sounds like she’s a true friend who is honest with you even if it’s not what you want to hear.

P.S.
My friend is doing much better these days!

It seems like your friend was doing this out a place of genuine love. Have a heart-to-heart with her before making MOH decisions - be a friend first, bride second

View Quoted Comment

Thrilled your friend is doing better! She's been through a lot and deserves to be happy